spies and parents never sleep

[realists]

Comments

the line between the gentleman and the assassin can be so very thin

[realists]

♪ hello cold world -- paramore

It had become something of an easy dance, even with fairly unwilling participants. At least from the outside. Happy couple, happy baby, happy life.

Reality is harsher. Unhappy couple, happy baby, life -- neither happy nor unhappy.

Jyn struggles with motherhood more than anyone ever warned her she would and she finds the constant care of another human being to be more exhausting than any training Saw had ever put her through. She doesn't get a moment to herself, she doesn't get a moment to breathe. Even days when Cassian is in charge and she struggles to work, she finds herself making a mess of things she used to excel at due to sheer exhaustion. She can't sleep, she has no appetite, she's depressed and anxious and medical personnel finally get a hold of her and Rey in her office and put her on leave so she can rest. Her unhappiness stays hidden in public, but no amount of make up can hide how tired and pale she is.

Such is life with a newborn, says conventional wisdom and Jyn doesn't counter.

Rey had been especially fussy that day, spitting up a grand total of four times before Jyn thought fuck it and replaced her spoiled shirts with the one Cassian had discarded that morning, hanging loose on her thin frame. His could be ruined next. It's almost infuriating the way Rey stills and relaxes as she breathes in the scent of her father. Jyn grabs another shirt to use as a makeshift blanket and soon after settling on the couch, Rey is fast asleep. It stings a little but Jyn soaks in the silence, reveling in the peace as she absorbs her daughter's features. She wasn't born into a life Jyn would wish for her, but no matter how poorly she felt, her love for Rey was like a lighthouse, steady and true.

Soon, she's fast asleep as well.

[evasives]

If asked, Cassian would have said he didn't want to be a father. He's done a lot of things he didn't want to for the Alliance that in the end it's not a surprise he would do this too. Rey hadn't exactly been planned, but Draven had been pleased anyway, and it feels like it should just be another tick on mission success.

But he loves Rey, wholly and unconditional. It's a terrifying juxtaposition against his still existent fear of being a parent. It doesn't stop him from trying his best, even if the initial motivation is tied up in creating that perfect family image. His life with Jyn had become familiar, he'd created a routine, but Rey doesn't care about these things.

She's small and needs them, and Cassian has never had another person need him to survive so consistently before. It's a different kind of exhausting than he's used to. It's not just old traumas keeping him awake, it's a crying baby, it's constant attention, the way he and Jyn don't really get a break, because one of them needs to be with her at all times while the other is at work.

It's hitting Jyn very hard, and Cassian can see it every day. He's at a loss over what to do, other than take Rey and let Jyn rest when he can. She's put on leave from her job, and he feels every bit the terrible person he is when he's glad to avoid the same restriction.

He comes home quietly, old habits that were convenient with a new baby around, and finds Jyn on the couch curled up with Rey. She's wearing his shirt, with another wrapped around Rey like a blanket, and for a second, his heart stops. The swell of affection he feels at the sight is overwhelming enough to make him panic. He walks over to them anyway, not quite smiling but his face softens. Slowly, he leans over and kisses Rey gently on the top of her fuzzy head. His gaze darts to Jyn, how peaceful she looks for once, and after a stretch of hesitation, he leans down and plants a kiss on her head too.

[realists]

Jyn doesn't stir at first, but after a handful of seconds she sucks in a sharp breath and her eyes open, squinting blearily into the dim light of the apartment. She didn't even turn the light on, is what she thinks first, but then she notices Cassian standing by the couch and she hums, as if startled by the passing of time. Is it that late already?

"Hi."

Another moment and she jerks like she's been shocked, their daughter's name tumbling past her lips in fear, eyes wide and terrified, before her hand lifts to rest against the baby still nestled against her chest. Assured that Rey is indeed in her arms, she slumps back, closing her eyes.

"I thought she'd gone." Like Rey could just pack up on leave on her own. Of course that wasn't it. Jyn was afraid someone had come and taken the baby away from her. Sometimes she wonders what new Alliance recruits must think of them -- living in Imperial territory, with a family. Jyn would think they shouldn't be allowed children, terrible people shouldn't be allowed to pass on their ideals to innocent children; she wouldn't begrudge them the same thoughts, especially since their existence is such a well guarded secret.

[evasives]

"Hi."

He worries he startled her, but after a moment he realizes it's not him so much as a fear for Rey. Cassian sits down next to them on the couch; his leg brushes against Jyn's, but mostly he just wants to settle his own hand against Rey's back too, overlapping Jyn's fingers a little with his. She's so calm, and he wishes the baby could spread that to Jyn.

"She's safe," he says quietly and reassuringly. It's strange how Rey is becoming just as much a priority as the Alliance, if not maybe moreso. He prefers to put off thinking about that, which is easy enough when Rey herself is prone to interrupting any brooding thoughts either of them attempt.

But he means it, too. He knows Rey is safe as long as Jyn is with her.

sneaking was a kind of deceit. so was disguise.

[evasives]

It's not often Cassian and Jyn get to go out together and alone. It's not like they usually even want to, and this venture certainly isn't much of a want. It's a date and a mission all in one, some of Jyn's coworkers having a dinner party at a fancy restaurant and they'd insisted she come with her husband. They almost didn't go, simply because there is no one on planet they trust with Rey - but Cassian managed to get a message through to Bodhi, and he'd arrived two days ago, just in time to play babysitter.

Cassian suits up nicely, never quite comfortable when he's well dressed but he knows how to move in it. Jyn is much less comfortable, obviously so, but the dress is very flattering because they are very well equipt even in fashion for the long term. This is a good opportunity to get out and potentially poke around, to deepen any connections. They even got a ride to the restaurant, dropped off at the end of the prestigious and pompous walkway.

She won't stop tugging on her dress, so he grabs her hand and takes it in both of his. He knows that's not the only reason she's so fidgety, so maybe the contact is to settle his own nerves too. "Rey adores Bodhi. They're going to be fine, and he will get in touch with both of us immediately otherwise."

Is he saying this aloud for her or him?? Definitely both, because as cool as he's presenting himself, it's the first time one of them hasn't been with Rey, the first time she's been left alone without them. It's scary and strange no matter how much they trust Bodhi and it's not even for their own chance for a breather; it's a mission, because everything is.

They're both well armed, but Cassian knows their biggest worry for the night is going to be their baby daughter more than defending themselves, despite the fact that she'll probably sleep most of the time they're gone anyway.

[realists]

He's only occupied one hand so she immediately tucks her purse under her arm and tugs at the dress with her now free hand. "I know," she hisses, like she really does know and has accepted the certainty of Bodhi doing a perfectly acceptable job of watching their daughter.

She doesn't, she hasn't, her internal panic is at catastrophic levels, you'd think Rey had been kidnapped.

"It'll be fine," she repeats, but it does nothing to sooth her frayed nerves, shaking her head immediately after the words are out of her mouth. She doesn't want a break, she decides, or she wants her break to be at home with Bodhi and Rey. "I can't do this, Cassian, we have to go back. Annkara won't mind."

She might mind, she'd practically begged Jyn to come since they hadn't seen much of her since the doctors put her on leave and as much as Jyn likes her coworkers -- insomuch as she can like any Imperial scientist -- and is desperate for adult conversation, she wants more desperately to go home and bury herself under the covers with Rey and Cassian (and even Bodhi) and watch some dumb movie and not fall asleep.

"It's been too long, I don't know what to do anymore." Not talk to her coworkers, but be a spy.

[evasives]

There's his first mistake, only grabbing one hand. Cassian stops walking and takes the other one too, facing her and holding both in his. He might have many more years of this under his belt, but it isn't any easier for him to leave Rey for a night.

"You can," he says, with all the sincere reassurance he can muster. "We can. I will be with you most if not the whole time. All you have to do is talk about Rey or talk about your work. They've never met me, I'm sure they're going to come at me with far more questions."

Which he's prepared for. While he definitely goes off on Rebellion business here, he helps repair plenty of ships and plenty of tech that there's no reason to be suspicious. Cassian is a pro at this, which is what he keeps reminding himself to fight off how much he'd rather be at home with Rey.

"Sneaking away to look around will be better done together given it's our first night away alone as new parents, and I'll let you know if there's a good moment." He folds her hands together, enveloping them in his. "And it will be very easy to leave early. Annkara is not going to fight you going home for a baby problem, even if there is no actual problem."

He has definitely been drafting messages to send Bodhi in his head since they left the house.

our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy

[realists]

Rey doesn't like her, Jyn's sure of it. Neither one of them can fully articulate how they're feeling, but it's only acceptable for one of them to constantly burst into tears. Spoilers: it's not Jyn.

Rey had been fussy for hours by the time Jyn wrangled her into a carrier and packed a few spare diapers, hoping a walk would make her shut up. That didn't help either, even when Jyn stopped in a beautiful park to feed her, she still didn't settle.

"Alright, Starshine, we'll go see your papa." And that is how Jyn and Rey wound up picking their way carefully through the hangar, Rey calming immediately. Her legs bounce in the carrier, happy to be in her papa's office, and Jyn rolls her eyes. Traitor. She definitely has a favorite parent and Jyn definitely isn't constantly depressed about it. What a jerk baby. "Cassian?"

[evasives]

Cassian has done two other stints in this hangar before now; one of the bosses is an Alliance contact, and it's such a middle grade business that Imperial ships only come through when they don't want anything to be official. He's met a handful of people through here, pilots, mechanics, and civilians alike. It's part of why he was chosen for this mission now, because Cassian Acuerdo had already vaguely existed on Coruscant. He's just not expecting other aspects of these other lives to show up.

He's working on a ship when someone tells him his wife is here, and the smile that slips onto his face isn't forced. He jogs over to his office, more of a tiny open workbench with thin metal sheets to box off the sides. It's covered in grease and spare parts, but there's a picture of Jyn and Rey tucked up in the corner.

"What a surprise," he says, tucking his arm at the small of her back. He leans down to kiss Jyn's forehead, then Rey's, practically melting over the way she's bundled in her carrier. "Is everything okay?"

[realists]

"Hi." Wow, Jyn, wipe that dopey smile off your face, it's disgusting. But he's so cute. With Rey, he's so cute with Rey. Regardless of whether she manages to get the smile off her face (she doesn't), she tugs at the knot in the fabric to release it in order to scoop Rey out and shove her into Cassian's arm.

"Nothing is wrong, don't worry. She simply missed you and would not be quiet until we walked into the hangar." She either loves ships or Cassian. Maybe both, but definitely Cassian.

She huffs a sigh, but still looks happy to be with her two favorite people. "She's never this bad with you."

nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it.

[evasives]

waste - oh wonder

Cassian has not slept very well the last two nights. Neither has Rey, and part of that is probably because he keeps keeping her in bed with him, hoping it will offset the way Jyn keeps sleeping in her office. It doesn't. It doesn't even feel like a simple trade off anymore like the early days after Rey was born. It's not just backslide, it's regression. Jyn lingers for a few minutes after Cassian has gotten home from work, but then she leaves for the night under the excuse of a walk and doesn't come back until dawn.

Rey has noticed. She's a very smart baby. Cassian assumes she's been just as fussy during the day as she's been in the evenings and through the night, but Jyn doesn't stick around long enough to really talk about it. It's running him a little ragged, honestly, because it's running on day three of no real break. It's not unfamiliar fatigue, but it's worrisome because it's not just himself he has to keep safe. Rey is needy and grumpy and he loves her with his entire heart, but he wonders if she's even coming down with some kind of cold for the amount she's been crying.

And he misses Jyn. It's like there's a hole in his chest because she's apparently decided to be done with him. It feels like whatever it is evades him, just out of reach. But he's too tired to think clearly. He can't do this like this. He can't do this without Jyn. He can't deal with how empty the house is without her, how empty he feels without her.

He comes home surprised to Bodhi watching Rey on the third day, though Bodhi is more frustrated and ready to throw down than anything else. He refuses to hand Rey over to Cassian, telling him to get the hell out of the house and go find his wife, a very strong emphasis on wife. The only thing that convinces him is when Bodhi brings up Rey, reminding him that whatever is going on between them is clearly affecting the baby too.

And it is. Regardless of Jyn's need for space, this new arrangement she's decided is negatively hitting Rey and Cassian would cut off his own hand before he kept hurting his daughter. He takes a very long, very slow walk to Jyn's office. Lissi is quick to tattle on where she is, but it feels like it takes forever for him to take those last couple steps down the hallway.

He can see her in the office, the blanket haphazard on her couch. Cassian knocks twice on the doorframe, internally a mess and probably a little externally too.

[realists]

Jyn doesn't look up right away, focused on the datapads in front of her because she may be a rebel and a criminal and a thief, but she's always been Galen's daughter and throwing oneself into work as a coping mechanism is a genetic trait. She's practically drowning in it now but it doesn't give her time to think about anything else.

"I told you I don't want to talk about it, Lissi. I'm perfectly--" She looks up, sentence cut off before she can say what she perfectly is. Fine, probably. Her eyes go wide quickly, anxious, and she half stands behind the desk. "Cassian. Is Rey alright? Bodhi said he would be fine until you got home and it was less than a half an hour..."

He wouldn't have knocked if Rey were in trouble, he wouldn't have waited for her to notice him. She abruptly sits back down.

"Wh- Come in. Close the door, please."

[evasives]

He's not surprised she's working hard enough to not even notice it's him at first. It was always one of the many ways they were alike, burying themselves in busywork as a means of avoidance. Cassian closes the door carefully behind him, stepping further into her office. He's only been here a few times, most of which has been after hours to poke around with Jyn, but there are little signs of her all over. He'd be fond if he wasn't so anxious.

His voice is quiet. "You and I both know she is not really alright." She is a very sad and fussy baby. "Bodhi is with her now. But I don't really understand why you have called Bodhi here in the first place."

Bodhi hadn't actually said in many details. He'd just kind of angrily yelled at him about how stupid they were being - in a tone that wouldn't alarm Rey, of course.

the way you love changes throughout your life. even the way you love the same person changes.

[realists]

Not much changes, if Jyn is being honest, in the few weeks since the big fight. Their day to day lives are still very much the same: Cassian goes to work, Jyn and Rey pop into Jyn's office for a couple hours a day, they all come home for dinner and Rey's bath time, they settle Rey to sleep, and Jyn and Cassian watch television and do Alliance and housework before they too turn in for the night. It is happier, sure, and peppered with much easier, casual affection, but is still the married life they'd already had since Rey was born.

It's nicer, sweeter, more real. Everyone is happier, even Bodhi who is delighted by Jyn's promise that they will come back on holiday. Soon.

How Cassian manages to, well, manage it, Jyn doesn't know, but in a handful of weeks they will be going back to Yavin 4 and while she is admittedly nervous about what the Alliance will think of them and Rey, she relishes the ability to be herself for at least a few days. At least she can be herself with Cassian now, but the freedom is... she wants a vacation so badly.

There's other things she finds she wants now too, watching Cassian settle Rey in her crib. He's such a good father it still makes her stomach swoop with butterflies to see him with their daughter. She tiptoes over, resting her head against his arm. "Sometimes I honestly can't believe we made that."

[evasives]

Cassian doesn't think he's felt this relaxed on a mission before. It's not even that he's completely at ease, he never is while undercover, but there is a new level of comfort that comes with knowing all of this isn't going to dissipate once it's over. He gets to sit with Jyn and be happy despite the circumstance. He works, he spies, he snoops, he bribes and threatens and does much of the same work as always, but whatever he has with Jyn isn't just part of an act anymore.

Bodhi wasn't even mad that he hadn't come directly home with Jyn after that fight, and Rey has been in a far better and far less wailing mood.

He doesn't even look up when he hears Jyn coming, nor when she rests her head on his arm. If anything, he just smiles at the contact, the warmth of her beside him, as he gently makes sure Rey is nestled in her crib comfortably. She'd fallen asleep easy tonight, always a huge relief. Without looking away from Rey just yet, Cassian ducks his chin to kiss the top of Jyn's head while he lets out the quietest, quickest laugh. "Making another entire human being is a very surreal accomplishment."

[realists]

It's still a marvel to Jyn and she was privy to everything happening. Every kick and squirm. She grew those kidneys and toes and eyelashes, that little determined mouth and tiny fingers stubbornly clutching her flat tooka. She'll let Cassian take credit for the dimples, at least, those are all his.

Her arm loops around his waist, other hand reaching to adjust Rey's little nightshirt, tugging it down over her belly, stretching to run her finger down their baby's tiny little nose before she draws her hand back, laughing at the way Rey seems to turn to try and chase Jyn's hand.

"Quickly, before we never leave." They could probably stand there all night, being mildly obsessed, but they have laundry to do and data files to send out, all sorts of things that need to be done. They can't just stare at Rey all night, it's creepy, they're creepy.

everybody is a book of blood; wherever we're opened, we're red.

[evasives]

Cassian spends about twenty minutes in a shitty refresher down in the Coruscant underbelly scrubbing his hands raw. It is not the first time he's killed an informant. It was a clean cut, with an easy body disposal. Larek was a thug with connections to several gangs, he won't be missed and it won't be suspicious when (or if) he's discovered dead. He didn't have his blaster, but he always carries a knife. One puncture from behind: immobilization and piercing his liver. A second in the front: sever the arteries. He was dead in minutes. Longer than Cassian likes to allow, but it mimics the death sentence from two different gangs.

There's blood under his fingernails and no soap in the dispensers. He burns his outer shirt, since he got blood on the sleeves, buttoning up his jacket like nothing is wrong. He's already an hour late coming home. He abruptly realizes he doesn't want to go home.

He does go, of course, if only because it's too suspicious if he does not. He had to stay late to finish some emergency repairs. It's a long slow walk and another thirty minutes before he reaches the apartment he shares with Jyn and Rey, and even then, he stands outside the door for another two minutes like he shouldn't be allowed inside. Rey is inside. Rey shouldn't have any part of this side of him.

When he opens the door and finally comes in, he adopts a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. It's not his first murder. He's equipped to deal with this. "Sorry, I did not mean to be kept so long. Unexpected business."

[realists]

"You could have called," Jyn complains without looking up from where she is scrubbing something out of the carpet. The baby isn't wailing and Jyn isn't gagging so it's not spit up or spilled milk, some other spill accident, but it leaves her distracted from Cassian while trying to clean and keep Rey from spontaneously learning to crawl and crawling right into the cleaning supplies.

As it is, Rey is just laying on her belly nearby squawking happily and rocking toward Jyn like she is trying to scoot forward so Jyn's dramatic thoughts aren't incredibly off base.

"Can you put Rey... somewhere else?" She gestures distractedly towards someplace else, still not looking up from her scrubbing.

[evasives]

"I know. I'm sorry." He should have called when he was going to meet Larek, but it's not like he expected things to... run long. It was normal. "By the time I realized how long I was going to be, I could not catch a moment."

It feels like ice falls over him when Jyn asks him to move Rey. His fingers twitch, and he looks at them briefly, the dirt and grime and minuscule patches of blood mixed in, unnoticeable except to him.

He can't touch her. He blanches at the thought of lifting Rey with his hands, watching her cheerfully chirruping on the floor near her mother.

"She seems fine." He can't touch her, he can't move her, not right now. He moves from the door, quick and quiet on his feet and trying not to put himself in Rey's view even if it takes him the long way around towards the bathroom. "I need the refresher."

perhaps it takes courage to raise.

[evasives]

Rey was alive last time the Solstice happened by the Fest Calendar, but he and Jyn were still awkwardly dancing around one another, so he never brought it up. Besides, it's not like he's celebrated it much in general in years. This year as the season approaches and his daughter hobbles her way over to him with delight, walking on her own, he finds he wants to. Jyn is fine with it, so he sets out to get some of the stuff that they might need.

He adorns the house with red flowers, he puts candles in the few windows they have. He's made Rey a crown of poinsettias that she adores, and it's nearly impossible to get her to take it off lately. There's a tiny little tree in the corner, with only the smallest fraction of decorations. It's very easy to convince Jyn to put extra blankets on the couch, and Rey gets a kick out of hiding beneath them, giggling her way out to the surface.

Which is what she is doing now, only it's on the floor. She's diving headfirst into some blankets, little tush sticking up in the air as she wriggles around. Coruscant is not a cold planet like Fest, but it is chillier this time of year. Rey is more interested in turning it into an obstacle course than keeping warm like her mother or tradition dictates.

She pops her head out with a giggle, then frowns when she realizes her crown is gone. She whines. "Papa!" Help her please!

Cassian smiles and sinks to the carpet, digging around in the blankets until he finds it, tugging it out and gently settling it back on her head. Once against satisfied, she stomps back over to another pile of blankets and slams her hands down on it.

Still on the floor, Cassian scoots back until he can stretch his arm across Jyn's legs under her own blanket, fingers seeking out hers. Their baby loves whatever seems to be happening in the house right now and it's all he could have asked for. "I wish she could see real snow, to go with everything else."

[realists]

Cassian could have asked to decorate for every holiday season and Jyn wouldn't have cared. She only had one caveat -- everything had to be real. Coruscant was all towering skyscrapers, ferrocrete and plasticine. It's beautiful, in an austere way, beautiful at night with the stars reflecting off all the glass and durasteel. But it is almost man made.

If he wanted his holiday, it was going to be real.

Real tree, real flowers, real pinecones and berries and chiles strung up on a garland, snowflakes made out of tiny, thin twigs, citrus slices dries and strung up over the windows where they turn the light coming into their apartment a little more pink or golden.

It's nice, honestly, cozy. It makes their apartment seem a little more like a home, warm and intimate, illuminated by so many cheerfully flickering candles.

Her fingers easily tangle with him, warm from the mug of tea her hand had previously been wrapped around. "You would be taking her on your own, Andor," she admits with a laugh, watching Rey playing with the blankets with her silly little crown. She has to draw a line somewhere! It is the snow, that is her hard pass.

[evasives]

It feels like a lot to ask for, however simple decorating the house might be. Despite accepting the good in this tiny little family he's found, everything else still seems like a struggle. But watching Rey roll around happily with the blankets makes him think he'll have to find as many holidays as he can to celebrate with them.

Even Jyn's insistence on natural everything is easy to comply with. It reminds him of Fest too, because it's not like there was much of a mass produced market, before the Empire at least.

He looks up at Jyn with a grin and squeezes her hand. "And miss her delight as she slides down a hill on a sled for the first time? Just put a hat and gloves on, maybe even bring a blanket. You would be fine."

there is safety in the very heart of danger.

[evasives]

Rey loves the garage. She loves to tinker with the tools, she loves to play on the ships, she loves getting her hands filthy in the oil, but she's intuitive despite her age. Cassian takes her to work with him when he can, since he and Jyn still don't trust most if any daycares on Coruscant, but then Jyn takes Javi to work with her, so it all comes together nicely. Nobody minds; everyone at his shop has been madly in love with Rey since day one, and they're all more than happy to take turns looking after her, or trying to teach her what tools do what. She can talk now, and she has his coworkers laughing from her tiny little temper, her threats are very creative for a four year old.

Today is one of those days. Today is not an unusual day. She's currently hanging out in the little play area he has set up for her, fenced in with boxes and tables and directing her toys on how to build a spaceship; he's running over a list of repairs on one of the latest ship orders to come in when his boss tells him an old client would like to have a private word. The old client is one of his contacts, one he has not scheduled to meet up with until later in the week. Seeing the man here instantly raises his defenses, and he scoops Rey up because leaving her unattended or under the care of someone else is sending off too many alarms. What if? She whines at him, but he grabs a screwdriver and a stuffed cat to occupy her.

The man adopts a friendly business smile even though they duck out of sight. "I won't stay long. They suspect Jyn is leaking information to the Alliance."

Every single bone in Cassian's body freezes. He doesn't need to ask who they is, he's already running through the strategy going forward. Rey stills in his arms, as if sensing the unhappy in her father, despite the friendly smile on his own face. "How long?"

"When you both get home from work. They want you there too, so they can either see if you're involved or send you off with the kids."

It checks out. Showing up at her job to interrogate her just sends a red flag to him, allowing his escape. He always thought he would be the one to arouse suspicion, not Jyn. Not with her father, not with the science and the lab work. Cassian knows the Empire doesn't give a single fuck about children, not if they can't be used, but he also knows the immediate slaughter of Jyn Erso's family would be bad for public image on Coruscant specifically. They are going to wait for him to leave the shop and time their arrival at the apartment to just after his. Jyn usually gets home first, she'll be settled in. They'll be watching for him to enter the building. Cassian cannot go home today. Maybe not ever again.

"Thank you," he says, and it's over. Rey curls her head against his chest, like she can tell something is wrong, and he idly kisses her forehead. As soon as his contact is gone, Cassian pulls up his comm and calls Jyn. When she answers after two short beeps, his voice is all cheer, if not amicably self deprecating. "You are never going to believe this."

It's the first code phrase, a warning that she needs to be ready to move.

[realists]

They're been here for five years now. Been married for five years, had two children, one of which was the happiest accident, one of whom was less accidental. Five years of fighting, five years of making up, five years of teamwork and partnership even when they were at each other's throats, five years of tears and breakdowns and happiness and love.

Five years is a long time and Jyn honestly doesn't catch the code phrase for what it real is.

Instead, trying to keep the comm free from Javi's uncharacteristically grabby hands, she mutters: "Your son threw up on me."

When the children annoy Jyn they are Cassian's son and daughter, no contribution from Jyn in the slightest. Javi is usually such an easy baby! He is in tune with his parents moods the same way as his sister is, but he inherited far less of Rey's willful curiosity. He is usually simply content to be held or simply in the company of his family but today it was like he was angling for the part of Rey aged 18 months.

"Javi, stop grabbing!" She puffs out a tired breath, trying to turn her attention back to her husband on the line. "Now, what am I never going to believe?"

[evasives]

She missed it.

There is no translation for your son threw up on me, that's just a fact. Cassian forgets sometimes that even though they have five years of this together, she hasn't had a lifetime of codes and secrecy, but it doesn't stop a trill of concern from rolling over him.

Rey's tiny little voice echoes through the comm once she realizes who is on the call. "Papa, can I talk to mama?"

"No, not now, starshine." He hopes the denial of Rey's very easy request raises the flag that his greeting did not; very rarely does Cassian disallow a conversation with Jyn when he's on Rey duty. Fortunately, she doesn't argue with him or throw a mini fit about being told no either.

With a wistful sort of sigh, "I forgot my lunch." He can't go home.

Cassian always brings food or goes out to get it. He hopes his complete ignoring of Javi's behavior is a telling sign too, he's always happy to talk about their usually happy son and whatever ridiculousness he gets up to. He needs her to pick up on it.