"You could have called," Jyn complains without looking up from where she is scrubbing something out of the carpet. The baby isn't wailing and Jyn isn't gagging so it's not spit up or spilled milk, some other spill accident, but it leaves her distracted from Cassian while trying to clean and keep Rey from spontaneously learning to crawl and crawling right into the cleaning supplies.
As it is, Rey is just laying on her belly nearby squawking happily and rocking toward Jyn like she is trying to scoot forward so Jyn's dramatic thoughts aren't incredibly off base.
"Can you put Rey... somewhere else?" She gestures distractedly towards someplace else, still not looking up from her scrubbing.
"I know. I'm sorry." He should have called when he was going to meet Larek, but it's not like he expected things to... run long. It was normal. "By the time I realized how long I was going to be, I could not catch a moment."
It feels like ice falls over him when Jyn asks him to move Rey. His fingers twitch, and he looks at them briefly, the dirt and grime and minuscule patches of blood mixed in, unnoticeable except to him.
He can't touch her. He blanches at the thought of lifting Rey with his hands, watching her cheerfully chirruping on the floor near her mother.
"She seems fine." He can't touch her, he can't move her, not right now. He moves from the door, quick and quiet on his feet and trying not to put himself in Rey's view even if it takes him the long way around towards the bathroom. "I need the refresher."
It takes her a second to even realize that Cassian has dismissed her request entirely and by then he is halfway to the refresher and she doesn't bother calling him back, looking down at Rey with a frown. "Yes, starshine, I agree."
Wiping her hands on her pants, Jyn hefts up the baby, settling the little girl on her hip with another happy bleat. It's exciting to be tall! She strides after Cassian, ignoring the closed door to shove it open. He hasn't had time to climb in the shower and if he was using the toilet, well, she doesn't care. Rey chirrups happily when she sees her Papa, reaching out for him with a strained little grunt. Let her go, Mama.
He doesn't give her time to respond or argue, slipping quickly into the refresher. His first mistake is leaving the door unlocked, but he's too hyperfocused on the sink and using real soap on his already dried out hands.
When Jyn shoves the door open, his shoulders tense, but he doesn't stop scrubbing at his hands. The motion is swift and almost desperate in the water, his fingers covered in soap while he picks beneath the nails and rubs the skin hard.
Cassian jerks sideways when Jyn steps closer, flinching when Rey reaches out and he refuses her. "Stop." It makes him feel like the worst kind of person, because how could he say no to his tiny daughter? But the flipside is even worse, because he can't bring himself to touch her. Instead he just keeps furiously washing, spilling out more soap over his skin, picking at his nails and cleaning his hands raw.
It's the way he jerks away from his daughter than gives her pause, stretching back to plop the baby in the empty tub to play with the toys Jyn never bothered to take out. She'll be safe and occupied there even if the noise she makes is decidedly unhappy.
Straightening up she reaches over to turn the water off, almost jerking away from how hot the faucet is under her fingertips. She peers up at Cassian as her hand shifts to brush against the back of his hand.
"What's wrong?" Because this is wrong. Denying his daughter is not Cassian. It would be one thing if it were Jyn, she'd get over it, but he barely even looked at their daughter, the best thing in either of their lives. "Andor, come on, look at me."
He frowns when she turns the water off, and he pulls his hand from hers, however gentle the touch because that softness is too good for him right now. His arms hover awkwardly over the sink, like he's trying to decide whether or not to turn it on or just dunk his hands in the suds pooling around the drain.
There are a long of things wrong, mostly with him. It takes him a few seconds, but he finally looks away from his fingers and at Jyn's face, feeling the way the worry on her face threatens to crack him wide open. "I can't hold her. I need to clean my hands."
"They are clean." She can see the pinkness from where he rubbed them raw, if he keeps scrubbing there will be more blood on his hands but it will be his own. She reaches out to take his hands, her intended firm grip slipping some against the wet suds still lingering on his.
It's enough that she can gesture him back to the toilet, at least, nudging him to sit down on the closed seat. "What happened?"
He lets her guide him back towards the toilet, and he has to admit there's a comfort in sitting. He hasn't in hours, not since he left work. "They're not. They are not clean."
Rey hits her hand against the tub with a shrill shriek of victory from the thudding sound it makes, and Cassian flinches again. He's killed people before, in much worse ways, in much worse circumstances, but he's never come home to a family right after. It's making it impossible to feel normal, to block off that part of him like he used to.
He looks back down at his hands, and by now they've started shaking a little. "They are not clean. I can't get them clean." It's more metaphorical than physical at this point, clearly, but the overwhelming dread can't be washed out of his stomach like he can wash out his hands.
It breaks her heart to see him like this, so torn up, practically in shambles. It's so different from the calm, cool, collected spy she used to hate for his compartmentalizing. Now she misses that ability. She doesn't think it must be that something changed, something made it different for him, she assumes it was simply a bad hit. Something had gone wrong clearly, she didn't remember any sort of assassination being on the agenda.
Something had gone awry, that's all.
"Rey, hush," she gently chides, waving her hand back at the baby like that will have any effect on a child, much less a baby. When her hand draws back, she crouches in front of Cassian, ducks her head to kiss the hand still held in her soapy grasp, lips brushing across his fingers. "They are, Cassian. You've done enough."
He shudders under her affection, but at least he doesn't push her away. It's easier with Jyn. She knows he's a spy, she knows part of his work here has involved less than pristine activities.
He crumbles under it, winding his fingers through hers and squeezing. He can't compartmentalize. It's like as soon as he saw Rey, he couldn't organize those boxes. "They're not," he repeats, only this time his voice is much more defeated. "There's too much blood on them. How can -"
How can he be a father? How can Rey love him? How can he hold her like he wants to when barely two hours ago his skin was coated in human blood? He shakes his head. "She's too innocent."
Jyn's heart breaks for him, sympathy softening her expression even as the familiar anger rises in her belly. This is an awful job and she hates it, she hates what the Alliance is asking them to do for peace, for unity, for salvation -- they only need to live in turmoil, living lives they hate, that aren't real, losing themselves to this fight. What are two people, a murderer and a criminal, for the sake of the galaxy?
"And she will stay that way, free and innocent and ignorant to the idea of war because of what we do here." Her voice is stern, even if her tone is still patient and soft. It's inarguable. If they fail, Rey will be safe, Jyn has made damn sure of it, but she will grow up under the Empire. If they fail, the Death Star will not be stopped. "There is enough blood on them to protect our daughter."
He does not deserve her sympathy or her kindness, but he eats it up anyway, hoarding her excuses and reasoning. Cassian always knew why he was fighting, it motivated him even in his darkest moments: the galaxy deserved better. It hasn't changed, but now Rey is key to it too. He has to fight, because he has to create a place where she can be safe and happy, free from the Empire. It's a personal stake he hasn't had since he was a child himself.
He is protecting her. He closes his eyes and tries to repeat it over and over. "I know. That's all I want for her. I would do anything for her. But I -"
But there might be too much blood on them. He draws in a sharp breath, squeezing her hands again even as his own shake more. "I can't hold her. I can't touch her, Jyn. How can I? A man is dead and how can I hold her with the same hands that killed him?"
"They're the same hands that brought her into this world," Jyn reminds him. She wants to tell him they can quit, they don't have to stay here. The Alliance isn't conscripted, they can leave, walk away without slowly killing themselves. She only cared about survival when they plucked her out of prison, but now with Rey, with Cassian, she suddenly cares about life and they can't live if their mission destroys them.
"She needs you, Cassian." There's the slightest pause, an afterthought. "I need you."
He has a hard time imagining either of them needing him right now, feeling selfish for the comfort he takes of it. It takes him a few seconds, but he whispers out his reply. "I need you too."
Both of them, he's never needed anything or anyone more, but he just feels like he doesn't deserve it, and the memory of Larek bleeding out won't let him shake it. Two hours ago he stabbed a man, and it was easier before Rey, a fact he realized the moment he thought about his tiny daughter waiting at home. Before he realized he hadn't killed anyone since before she was born. "I killed someone, and she's just - she has no idea. She deserves better than me."
"No she does not." There's a sharpness to her tone that wasn't there before, bitten down on but not quite disguised.
"She deserves her father, Cassian Jeron Andor. She deserves the man who stayed up with her when she couldn't sleep, who changed her when she was a mess, who makes ship noises to make her eat those disgusting baby foods. The man who sings her to sleep and is teaching her sign language so she can tell us what she needs, who works so hard to care for us and protect us, who does more than anyone should ask of him. She deserves you, Cassian."
She stands up, steps back so Rey is in full view, lighting up when she sees Cassian and smacking her chubby hands against the tub. "Pick her up. The galaxy asks too much of you, I know. But all she wants from you is love."
Her tone jerks his attention, and he stares at her, even if everything about him from posture to expression is still just haunted.
The next pile of reassurance that follow chip away bit by bit at the force field of guilt walling him in. He's always had a hard time coming to terms with being an actual good parent, but he knows, objectively, that these are all things he's done for Rey.
When Jyn stands up, his gaze drops down to his tiny daughter in the tub, who just looks up at him with nothing but love in her eyes. He can't even argue against it; if there is one thing he knows without question, it's that he loves Rey. He can always give Rey love.
Cassian shifts over so he's kneeling outside the tub, and Rey stretches her little arms up towards him. She bleats a sound both cheerful and questioning, because hello! Why has her papa not picked her up yet!
He reaches his hand out first, and her tiny fingers brush against his. He exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding and lets her grab his finger. She tugs, because this is still not enough attention!!
"Hello, little star." Rey chirrups and wriggles her butt in closer. She gets her impatience from her mother, clearly. "Papa did not have a very good day."
He will pick her up soon! Baby steps towards the baby.
Rey is so impatient, tugging his hand and stretching to reach him. If she could talk yet Jyn is sure she would be making demands. Pick me up, right now!
Jyn voice softens again, but the same ferocity is there. She would tear the Death Star apart with her bare hands if it meant Cassian could only have good days. Where bad days only amounted to baby tantrums and minor inconveniences. "Good or bad days, you'll always have us."
Her breath puffs out in a sigh. "She loves you Cassian, no matter what. And so do I. Always."
Rey is so ready and pushy for his attention, how could he have possibly denied her? Cassian's inability to say no to her is at war with how much he hates himself.
It's Jyn's declarations that have him leaning over in closer, letting Rey pap at his face. He shuts his eyes tight, because her hands are so soft and gentle and clean and he's still her papa, no matter what he's done. It doesn't matter to her.
"Always," he repeats, and he reaches over to scoop her out of the tub before he can stop himself. Rey trills happily because finally, and he tucks her in against him. She's so warm and alive and full of love, it reminds Cassian of his own capacity for love too.
"Come here," he says quietly. Not just Rey though. "Please."
Jyn sinks to her knees next to him, reaching out automatically to smooth her hand through his hair at the back of his head, curling her hand around the back of his neck.
"Always, Cassian. We're a team." They are. Not just a work team, not just a fake married team, a real team down to their core. Ride or die, in it to win it. Jyn couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else, she isn't sure she could do it with anyone else, even if Rey wasn't in the picture. She and Cassian simply fit.
It was like they said: they were each other's glue.
He sinks against Jyn, cradling his baby in his arms and shuddering under the weight of all the affection. Part of him still feels like he doesn't deserve this. But Jyn's right. They are a team. They're a good team.
They're a family.
Rey snuggles against him, idly papping at his chest with one tiny hand and babbling nonsense about her day, clearly. Words fail him for a little while, but the touch and attention from them both soothes his nerves and makes him feel human again. They do fit; they were pieces he was missing all day, pieces he was afraid he'd broken when he killed that man. It was a cold reminder of their reality.
He focuses instead on how warm Rey is in his arms, how comforting Jyn's hand is as it winds through his hair. They love him. He is loved. It's like a mantra.
He tilts his head up to look at Jyn. "I love you too," he says back finally, a few minutes late. "And Rey. I do not always feel like I deserve it, especially now, but I love you both with everything I have. I am still capable of that."
He might love them more than he hates himself, but those feelings are still there no matter what awful things he does. He says it aloud as a reminder to himself.
"Don't think of it as something you deserve, then. Think of it as something you have, like a limb, or an organ. Maybe we don't deserve Rey, I don't know. But we have her, our little heart."
Jyn struggles with feeling like she didn't deserve anything, ever, but Rey is theirs no matter what. He had told her that.
She offers him a weak smile, leaning down the tiniest bit to press the softest kiss to his mouth. "And you have me, no matter what. We're in this together, Andor."
That feels... easier. Rey is something they have. She isn't something he ever wants to part with, no matter how much he might hate himself on any given day. She has all of his heart, alongside Jyn. No matter what he's done, they're still both here. He just has to keep telling himself that when things are really bad.
He doesn't smile back, but he does return her very faint kiss, and he can feel some of the tension slipping away slowly.
"As long as she exists, and as long as you are still here, I... I must be doing something a little good in this galaxy."
It can't all be bad. He can't completely be the terrible man he thinks he is. Not with them in his arms.
It's going to be okay. Cassian is going to be okay, he'll figure out that he isn't a monster one day. When they're away from it, when they're not living this fake life every single day, when they have time to breathe.
It feels like a little too much pressure, like Cassian's happiness depends on her, but she knows that is not how he meant it. She's only a reminder and that isn't too daunting. She's happy to remind him that he is a good man.
"You are," she reassures him. Whatever else she was going to say when Rey presses her legs into Cassian's lap and stands herself up like she wants to do a backflip, headbutting Jyn directly in the face. Jyn's hands lift to press her fingers to the bridge of her nose and automatically to the back of Rey's head.
The baby, of course, is fine, babbling from her new vantage point and jiggling in her papa's arms, while her mother's eyes are watering. "How are babies so strong/"
It's not that his happiness is dependent on her. She just helps him feel capable of it. He'll clarify it later, when he's thinking much more clearly.
He doesn't laugh like he might usually when Rey attempts her backflip, but his dancing baby draws the smallest of smiles onto his face while he holds her up. "I ask myself that all the time. One day she is going to break a nose. Are you okay?"
Rey blows a raspberry, then giggles, still dancing about in Cassian's lap as she talks at both of her parents.
"Thank you," he says quietly. "For reminding me I am more than my job."
Not really, but there is something faintly demoralizing about getting clocked in the face by a baby. Still, she offers Cassian a smile, nose wrinkling as she rubs it still.
"You have always been more than your job. You are more than a rebel, more than a papa, more than a husband. Cassian Andor is actually pretty cool all by himself. No one else I know knows all the words to the theme of Mr Popper's Porgs even if you pretend that you don't. I've never met anyone so ill equipped to relax yet capable of reading a book in one sitting at the same time. You make the best bantha tacos. You are the cutest thing in the entire galaxy when you first wake up, all sleepy and quiet. You are wonderful and kind and considerate and annoying when I am trying to be avoidant and you care so much about your loved ones. Cassian, you are excellent. Your job is just a job."
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ohnofeelstho2017-05-14 03:23 pm
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As it is, Rey is just laying on her belly nearby squawking happily and rocking toward Jyn like she is trying to scoot forward so Jyn's dramatic thoughts aren't incredibly off base.
"Can you put Rey... somewhere else?" She gestures distractedly towards someplace else, still not looking up from her scrubbing.
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It feels like ice falls over him when Jyn asks him to move Rey. His fingers twitch, and he looks at them briefly, the dirt and grime and minuscule patches of blood mixed in, unnoticeable except to him.
He can't touch her. He blanches at the thought of lifting Rey with his hands, watching her cheerfully chirruping on the floor near her mother.
"She seems fine." He can't touch her, he can't move her, not right now. He moves from the door, quick and quiet on his feet and trying not to put himself in Rey's view even if it takes him the long way around towards the bathroom. "I need the refresher."
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What the fuck.
It takes her a second to even realize that Cassian has dismissed her request entirely and by then he is halfway to the refresher and she doesn't bother calling him back, looking down at Rey with a frown. "Yes, starshine, I agree."
Wiping her hands on her pants, Jyn hefts up the baby, settling the little girl on her hip with another happy bleat. It's exciting to be tall! She strides after Cassian, ignoring the closed door to shove it open. He hasn't had time to climb in the shower and if he was using the toilet, well, she doesn't care. Rey chirrups happily when she sees her Papa, reaching out for him with a strained little grunt. Let her go, Mama.
"Hey, what the hell."
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When Jyn shoves the door open, his shoulders tense, but he doesn't stop scrubbing at his hands. The motion is swift and almost desperate in the water, his fingers covered in soap while he picks beneath the nails and rubs the skin hard.
Cassian jerks sideways when Jyn steps closer, flinching when Rey reaches out and he refuses her. "Stop." It makes him feel like the worst kind of person, because how could he say no to his tiny daughter? But the flipside is even worse, because he can't bring himself to touch her. Instead he just keeps furiously washing, spilling out more soap over his skin, picking at his nails and cleaning his hands raw.
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Straightening up she reaches over to turn the water off, almost jerking away from how hot the faucet is under her fingertips. She peers up at Cassian as her hand shifts to brush against the back of his hand.
"What's wrong?" Because this is wrong. Denying his daughter is not Cassian. It would be one thing if it were Jyn, she'd get over it, but he barely even looked at their daughter, the best thing in either of their lives. "Andor, come on, look at me."
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There are a long of things wrong, mostly with him. It takes him a few seconds, but he finally looks away from his fingers and at Jyn's face, feeling the way the worry on her face threatens to crack him wide open. "I can't hold her. I need to clean my hands."
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It's enough that she can gesture him back to the toilet, at least, nudging him to sit down on the closed seat. "What happened?"
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Rey hits her hand against the tub with a shrill shriek of victory from the thudding sound it makes, and Cassian flinches again. He's killed people before, in much worse ways, in much worse circumstances, but he's never come home to a family right after. It's making it impossible to feel normal, to block off that part of him like he used to.
He looks back down at his hands, and by now they've started shaking a little. "They are not clean. I can't get them clean." It's more metaphorical than physical at this point, clearly, but the overwhelming dread can't be washed out of his stomach like he can wash out his hands.
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Something had gone awry, that's all.
"Rey, hush," she gently chides, waving her hand back at the baby like that will have any effect on a child, much less a baby. When her hand draws back, she crouches in front of Cassian, ducks her head to kiss the hand still held in her soapy grasp, lips brushing across his fingers. "They are, Cassian. You've done enough."
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He crumbles under it, winding his fingers through hers and squeezing. He can't compartmentalize. It's like as soon as he saw Rey, he couldn't organize those boxes. "They're not," he repeats, only this time his voice is much more defeated. "There's too much blood on them. How can -"
How can he be a father? How can Rey love him? How can he hold her like he wants to when barely two hours ago his skin was coated in human blood? He shakes his head. "She's too innocent."
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Jyn's heart breaks for him, sympathy softening her expression even as the familiar anger rises in her belly. This is an awful job and she hates it, she hates what the Alliance is asking them to do for peace, for unity, for salvation -- they only need to live in turmoil, living lives they hate, that aren't real, losing themselves to this fight. What are two people, a murderer and a criminal, for the sake of the galaxy?
"And she will stay that way, free and innocent and ignorant to the idea of war because of what we do here." Her voice is stern, even if her tone is still patient and soft. It's inarguable. If they fail, Rey will be safe, Jyn has made damn sure of it, but she will grow up under the Empire. If they fail, the Death Star will not be stopped. "There is enough blood on them to protect our daughter."
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He is protecting her. He closes his eyes and tries to repeat it over and over. "I know. That's all I want for her. I would do anything for her. But I -"
But there might be too much blood on them. He draws in a sharp breath, squeezing her hands again even as his own shake more. "I can't hold her. I can't touch her, Jyn. How can I? A man is dead and how can I hold her with the same hands that killed him?"
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"She needs you, Cassian." There's the slightest pause, an afterthought. "I need you."
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Both of them, he's never needed anything or anyone more, but he just feels like he doesn't deserve it, and the memory of Larek bleeding out won't let him shake it. Two hours ago he stabbed a man, and it was easier before Rey, a fact he realized the moment he thought about his tiny daughter waiting at home. Before he realized he hadn't killed anyone since before she was born. "I killed someone, and she's just - she has no idea. She deserves better than me."
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"She deserves her father, Cassian Jeron Andor. She deserves the man who stayed up with her when she couldn't sleep, who changed her when she was a mess, who makes ship noises to make her eat those disgusting baby foods. The man who sings her to sleep and is teaching her sign language so she can tell us what she needs, who works so hard to care for us and protect us, who does more than anyone should ask of him. She deserves you, Cassian."
She stands up, steps back so Rey is in full view, lighting up when she sees Cassian and smacking her chubby hands against the tub. "Pick her up. The galaxy asks too much of you, I know. But all she wants from you is love."
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The next pile of reassurance that follow chip away bit by bit at the force field of guilt walling him in. He's always had a hard time coming to terms with being an actual good parent, but he knows, objectively, that these are all things he's done for Rey.
When Jyn stands up, his gaze drops down to his tiny daughter in the tub, who just looks up at him with nothing but love in her eyes. He can't even argue against it; if there is one thing he knows without question, it's that he loves Rey. He can always give Rey love.
Cassian shifts over so he's kneeling outside the tub, and Rey stretches her little arms up towards him. She bleats a sound both cheerful and questioning, because hello! Why has her papa not picked her up yet!
He reaches his hand out first, and her tiny fingers brush against his. He exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding and lets her grab his finger. She tugs, because this is still not enough attention!!
"Hello, little star." Rey chirrups and wriggles her butt in closer. She gets her impatience from her mother, clearly. "Papa did not have a very good day."
He will pick her up soon! Baby steps towards the baby.
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Jyn voice softens again, but the same ferocity is there. She would tear the Death Star apart with her bare hands if it meant Cassian could only have good days. Where bad days only amounted to baby tantrums and minor inconveniences. "Good or bad days, you'll always have us."
Her breath puffs out in a sigh. "She loves you Cassian, no matter what. And so do I. Always."
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It's Jyn's declarations that have him leaning over in closer, letting Rey pap at his face. He shuts his eyes tight, because her hands are so soft and gentle and clean and he's still her papa, no matter what he's done. It doesn't matter to her.
"Always," he repeats, and he reaches over to scoop her out of the tub before he can stop himself. Rey trills happily because finally, and he tucks her in against him. She's so warm and alive and full of love, it reminds Cassian of his own capacity for love too.
"Come here," he says quietly. Not just Rey though. "Please."
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"Always, Cassian. We're a team." They are. Not just a work team, not just a fake married team, a real team down to their core. Ride or die, in it to win it. Jyn couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else, she isn't sure she could do it with anyone else, even if Rey wasn't in the picture. She and Cassian simply fit.
It was like they said: they were each other's glue.
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They're a family.
Rey snuggles against him, idly papping at his chest with one tiny hand and babbling nonsense about her day, clearly. Words fail him for a little while, but the touch and attention from them both soothes his nerves and makes him feel human again. They do fit; they were pieces he was missing all day, pieces he was afraid he'd broken when he killed that man. It was a cold reminder of their reality.
He focuses instead on how warm Rey is in his arms, how comforting Jyn's hand is as it winds through his hair. They love him. He is loved. It's like a mantra.
He tilts his head up to look at Jyn. "I love you too," he says back finally, a few minutes late. "And Rey. I do not always feel like I deserve it, especially now, but I love you both with everything I have. I am still capable of that."
He might love them more than he hates himself, but those feelings are still there no matter what awful things he does. He says it aloud as a reminder to himself.
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Jyn struggles with feeling like she didn't deserve anything, ever, but Rey is theirs no matter what. He had told her that.
She offers him a weak smile, leaning down the tiniest bit to press the softest kiss to his mouth. "And you have me, no matter what. We're in this together, Andor."
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That feels... easier. Rey is something they have. She isn't something he ever wants to part with, no matter how much he might hate himself on any given day. She has all of his heart, alongside Jyn. No matter what he's done, they're still both here. He just has to keep telling himself that when things are really bad.
He doesn't smile back, but he does return her very faint kiss, and he can feel some of the tension slipping away slowly.
"As long as she exists, and as long as you are still here, I... I must be doing something a little good in this galaxy."
It can't all be bad. He can't completely be the terrible man he thinks he is. Not with them in his arms.
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It feels like a little too much pressure, like Cassian's happiness depends on her, but she knows that is not how he meant it. She's only a reminder and that isn't too daunting. She's happy to remind him that he is a good man.
"You are," she reassures him. Whatever else she was going to say when Rey presses her legs into Cassian's lap and stands herself up like she wants to do a backflip, headbutting Jyn directly in the face. Jyn's hands lift to press her fingers to the bridge of her nose and automatically to the back of Rey's head.
The baby, of course, is fine, babbling from her new vantage point and jiggling in her papa's arms, while her mother's eyes are watering. "How are babies so strong/"
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He doesn't laugh like he might usually when Rey attempts her backflip, but his dancing baby draws the smallest of smiles onto his face while he holds her up. "I ask myself that all the time. One day she is going to break a nose. Are you okay?"
Rey blows a raspberry, then giggles, still dancing about in Cassian's lap as she talks at both of her parents.
"Thank you," he says quietly. "For reminding me I am more than my job."
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Not really, but there is something faintly demoralizing about getting clocked in the face by a baby. Still, she offers Cassian a smile, nose wrinkling as she rubs it still.
"You have always been more than your job. You are more than a rebel, more than a papa, more than a husband. Cassian Andor is actually pretty cool all by himself. No one else I know knows all the words to the theme of Mr Popper's Porgs even if you pretend that you don't. I've never met anyone so ill equipped to relax yet capable of reading a book in one sitting at the same time. You make the best bantha tacos. You are the cutest thing in the entire galaxy when you first wake up, all sleepy and quiet. You are wonderful and kind and considerate and annoying when I am trying to be avoidant and you care so much about your loved ones. Cassian, you are excellent. Your job is just a job."
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