The fact that she is talking is a very good thing and he is glad she brought it up. Whatever comes of this conversation, she initiated it and wanted to tell him about something she was feeling and thinking about. She might be hiding and talking at Rey instead of him, but she's getting it out and that's the important part.
"That was my next question. If being pregnant again was something you wanted to go through again." They're raising Rey together, but Jyn is the one who carried her inside her all those months, the same is true for a second baby, and it's a lot for a person.
"It's okay to think about it. It just means you are thinking about... our family. But before we decide if we want to make our family bigger, to give Rey a sibling, you should figure out what you want for yourself and your body. That is important too."
A beat. "There is a lot that would be different a second time, I think." It had been a very awkward nine months, and he'd done what he could, but it wasn't like the experience of growing Rey was entirely a happy one for either of them, not with the mission looming over them, not with the way Draven's words constantly circled in his head too, not with the complete disgust he'd had for himself for so long for bringing this reality to a mission. "I would just want it to be... our choice. Unrelated to anything about what we are doing here."
"It would be our choice, if we chose it," Jyn agrees which is all that is letting her even approach this conversation. She doesn't want to be pregnant, sure, that wasn't the best time of her life but there were circumstances around it that made it terrible. Those circumstances have changed.
She and Cassian are a team now.
"I didn't like being pregnant because... of us." They were not in a good place! They were in, decidedly, a bad place. But now they're not. They're still on a mission, they're still in danger, but there is no one else she would rather be here with, there is no one else she would trust to protect herself and their daughter, and this mission.
She glances up at him finally, expression soft and thoughtful. "We're not the same people. This home that we have built is not the same toxic space that it was. I don't think it would be as difficult, knowing that you have my back this time."
There is something very appealing about it being their choice. It makes the idea of it less intimidating.
He gets it when she says us. It was not a good time in the lead up to Rey being born, it wasn't even good the first few months of her life. It was stressful and tiresome and they were both still so very angry. But it isn't like that now, not at all.
When she looks up at him, he meets her gaze; how could he not when she finally directs all her attention at him? "Just the regular kind of difficult," he says, offering her the tiniest of smiles. He squeezes her shoulder. "Our home is better. We are better. Rey is safe with us. If you think you can go through all that again, I suppose the only question left is really just... do we want to make our family bigger?"
And how strange it is to realize the truth of that. If everything else is in the clear, it really does come down to their choice as a team. "Do you?"
And that's terrifying in and of itself. She never expected to have a family, much less want one. Rey chirrups happily as she plays and Jyn feels her heart swell with love and affection she also never expected to have.
"Is it a terrible idea?" They've talked about the reasons it may not be but Jyn trusts Cassian to break it to her if it is genuinely a bad idea. He's always so supportive but she knows he won't let them do something absolutely insane.
His stomach rolls over, though it's neither in a good nor bad way - just a nervous way. She wants another kid. He never felt prepared for the first one.
"It is a risky idea." That's a mild way to put it. "But everything we do here is a risk. I would not call it hyperbole to say we are always in danger, but at the same time, we have made it safe as can be."
He looks over to Rey, who finally plops the crown back on her head and shrieks with delight, the sound turning into a cacophony of giggles. It's one of the best things he's ever heard.
"I do not think it is much different in that sense, one child or two."
Jyn nods slowly, thoughtful, watching their daughter as she snuggled against her husband. Actually maybe that is what they should consider first, before they really tackle if they can handle another baby.
"Babe. I know we sort of skipped all the actual dating and proper courtship or whatever it's called and you did propose to me and it was lovely and I am looking to marrying Cassian Andor, but are we... dating?"
It's very complicated! They're in love! They're going to get married! They also, you know, skipped all the run up to that kind of stuff. She'll get back to their nebulous maybe baby in a second, she wants to really suss out what the label is right now. Dating? Engaged? Married? Datengagied? No... that's not a thing.
Cassian huffs out a little laugh. But it's... a valid question, as much as it doesn't seem like it should be. They have a child! That should be enough of an explanation, and yet... it is not.
"Yes?" He should really sound more sure of himself, but now he's thinking about it! Lest she think he's confused about his feelings, he leans in to kiss her very briefly. "Dating is applicable, even if we have not gone on a real date. We are... together. You are my partner. It is hard to think of something that fits perfectly."
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ohnofeelstho2017-05-14 03:23 pm
no subject
"That was my next question. If being pregnant again was something you wanted to go through again." They're raising Rey together, but Jyn is the one who carried her inside her all those months, the same is true for a second baby, and it's a lot for a person.
"It's okay to think about it. It just means you are thinking about... our family. But before we decide if we want to make our family bigger, to give Rey a sibling, you should figure out what you want for yourself and your body. That is important too."
A beat. "There is a lot that would be different a second time, I think." It had been a very awkward nine months, and he'd done what he could, but it wasn't like the experience of growing Rey was entirely a happy one for either of them, not with the mission looming over them, not with the way Draven's words constantly circled in his head too, not with the complete disgust he'd had for himself for so long for bringing this reality to a mission. "I would just want it to be... our choice. Unrelated to anything about what we are doing here."
no subject
She and Cassian are a team now.
"I didn't like being pregnant because... of us." They were not in a good place! They were in, decidedly, a bad place. But now they're not. They're still on a mission, they're still in danger, but there is no one else she would rather be here with, there is no one else she would trust to protect herself and their daughter, and this mission.
She glances up at him finally, expression soft and thoughtful. "We're not the same people. This home that we have built is not the same toxic space that it was. I don't think it would be as difficult, knowing that you have my back this time."
no subject
He gets it when she says us. It was not a good time in the lead up to Rey being born, it wasn't even good the first few months of her life. It was stressful and tiresome and they were both still so very angry. But it isn't like that now, not at all.
When she looks up at him, he meets her gaze; how could he not when she finally directs all her attention at him? "Just the regular kind of difficult," he says, offering her the tiniest of smiles. He squeezes her shoulder. "Our home is better. We are better. Rey is safe with us. If you think you can go through all that again, I suppose the only question left is really just... do we want to make our family bigger?"
And how strange it is to realize the truth of that. If everything else is in the clear, it really does come down to their choice as a team. "Do you?"
no subject
And that's terrifying in and of itself. She never expected to have a family, much less want one. Rey chirrups happily as she plays and Jyn feels her heart swell with love and affection she also never expected to have.
"Is it a terrible idea?" They've talked about the reasons it may not be but Jyn trusts Cassian to break it to her if it is genuinely a bad idea. He's always so supportive but she knows he won't let them do something absolutely insane.
no subject
His stomach rolls over, though it's neither in a good nor bad way - just a nervous way. She wants another kid. He never felt prepared for the first one.
"It is a risky idea." That's a mild way to put it. "But everything we do here is a risk. I would not call it hyperbole to say we are always in danger, but at the same time, we have made it safe as can be."
He looks over to Rey, who finally plops the crown back on her head and shrieks with delight, the sound turning into a cacophony of giggles. It's one of the best things he's ever heard.
"I do not think it is much different in that sense, one child or two."
no subject
"Babe. I know we sort of skipped all the actual dating and proper courtship or whatever it's called and you did propose to me and it was lovely and I am looking to marrying Cassian Andor, but are we... dating?"
It's very complicated! They're in love! They're going to get married! They also, you know, skipped all the run up to that kind of stuff. She'll get back to their nebulous maybe baby in a second, she wants to really suss out what the label is right now. Dating? Engaged? Married? Datengagied? No... that's not a thing.
no subject
"Yes?" He should really sound more sure of himself, but now he's thinking about it! Lest she think he's confused about his feelings, he leans in to kiss her very briefly. "Dating is applicable, even if we have not gone on a real date. We are... together. You are my partner. It is hard to think of something that fits perfectly."