"You won't hurt me." What a stubborn, half impatient assurance, as if Jyn finds it absurd. Rey's closer the six months than newborn, her body has had plenty of time to heal from a fairly easy, if long, childbirth.
Honestly, he probably won't cross any lines either, because neither of them is going to last long enough to find a line to cross and she is fairly certain Cassian isn't into anything very out there.
"I want." Her hands leave his neck to put one on each cheek. For a second, because she's a fucking child, she smooshes his cheeks so he makes a fish face. But only for a second. "You. Some part of you. Inside of me. In the next minute."
She is??? The cutest?? He kind of falters for a second because she squishes his face and it's adorable, all the while talking about his being inside her, and it's a lot to deal with all at once! He loves her, it's ridiculous.
Cassian laughs, tilting his cheek just enough to kiss her palm. "I can use my hands for the immediate, but it might take more than a minute if you want anything else."
He kisses her palm again, then slides his lips down her skin in a quick flutter of pecks to her wrist. "And I'm still going to kiss you first."
Jyn's mouth turns down in an exaggerated pout, letting her free hand fall to his waist. She gives a sharp tug, pushing her flush against him. "It's really going to take you more than a minute?"
Her hand circles his waist, fingers tip tapping across his spine before her hand descends, palming his ass. Cheeky.
That pout. It shouldn't make him smile, and yet! "Not all of us came into this room with intentions."
He did say he likes her hands. He also likes the way she presses in, nearly shuddering already and wow it really is not going to take long is it? He laughs again too and thinks he could get used to laughing with Jyn during sex being the new normal.
"It might help if I took your shirt off." You know, whatever, no big deal, even if the corners of his mouth tilt up in a grin. His mouth moves back up from her wrist, kissing her fingers.
"Maybe we can skip that." Alright maybe her body hasn't snapped back completely, soft and heavy and round where she used to be taut and flat, body still made for feeding their daughter. Her shirt doesn't need to come off for sex anyway. That's just wasting time and her minute is tick tick ticking away, that is how she is going to frame it.
"It'll definitely help if you take your pants off though, those are completely unnecessary." Who needs pants? No one in this house.
He freezes for a second, looking at her face and trying to get a good read on her. He would never ever push it after she turned him down, but something about the way she says it shifts some of his attention to concern. "Of course, Jyn." He kisses her palm again.
"But if we're trying to help me along here, we should definitely start with your pants." He doesn't move to take them off yet, but he does duck down to kiss her gently. It is maybe a little question, because his Jyn is uncomfortable senses are tingling.
It's a change from before, even, when her shirt was the first thing to go because it was easy to yank off and she's always liked the feel of his hands smoothing down the bare skin of her back before one of them shoved the other against the wall or the floor or, usually, the couch.
She smiles into the kiss, happy he has (seemingly) let it go, and after a moment steps back, spreading her hands to the side like go for it. It's a clear invitation, she's not going to fight him getting her pants off. She'd just said she wanted him inside her, getting rid of her pants is step one.
"That's gonna do the trick for you, getting me out of my knickers and you'll be ready to go?" Her eyebrows lift, teasing, there has to be more to it. "Go on then."
He does not press the shirt thing, and not just because of the way she steps back. It's not like they've really talked about what they like or don't like, but he'll ask her if it's still worrisome later.
"I never said that was all. It would be a good start," he says with his own teasing grin, sliding his hands around to undo the buttons on her pants. He pushes them off her hips and down towards her knees, letting her kick them off the rest of the way. His fingers dance up her bare thighs until he tucks his thumbs into her underwear. He kisses her again, and it's much more eager this time, slipping his hands under the fabric. "Kissing and touching you helps too."
"Well..." A smile fights at her mouth, trying to be nonchalant, trying not to jump him right out the gate. It's so slow and careful and purposeful that Jyn's practically vibrating in her skin. "If that's what gets you off, more power to you."
It's kind of a heady feeling, in any case, thinking about the fact that he wants her.
Her.
When he could have literally anyone he wanted with five seconds of minimal effort and snug fitting trousers. Jyn knows that half her coworkers were taken aback at just how attractive he is, how sweet and personable and affectionate he was at their dinner. Even Lissi spent the entire next time Jyn was in the office babbling about how lucky Jyn was until Berrys stopped by and casually corrected her, Cassian was the lucky one. Jyn was more inclined to agree with Lissi, tbh.
Her anticipation races under his fingers and spirals his own. He steps in closer, pulling her against him and deepening the way he kisses her. It's very counterproductive to getting her underwear off, but he's already getting swept up in having her close, in getting to kiss her like this.
He would agree with Berrys, honestly. He's so lucky to have Jyn. She wants to stay with him, for the rest of their lives, and he never thought he'd be that fortunate. It still amazes him she said yes, beyond the confines of the mission. He loves her, and knowing that makes him all the more determined to show it this round, however little time it actually lasts. He kisses her jaw, dipping his hands low enough to briefly squeeze her ass. "I suppose my pants can go too. Could you do that for me?"
Jyn starts working on his pants immediately, fingers still nimble and quick as she apparently gives up her plan to not jump him instantaneously. Yanking them open, Jyn tucks her fingers into the waistband of his pants and just drags them down over his hips. She wriggles a little so her arms can move inside the cage of his arms without dislodging his hands from her ass.
"Put your hands back, I like them there."
She likes his hands everywhere, but right now she's digging his fingers brushing against the edge of her underwear, almost tickling her sensitive skin. Her head tilts a little, so he can keep kissing her, even as she wriggles a bit more to keep pushing his pants down. It needs to be naked time already.
Her rush to get his pants off honestly does kind of do it for him, and he's not sure he can really go back to any sort of slowness. Cassian helps her along, wriggling his legs and kicking his pants off. He follows her command easily, sliding his hands further under her underwear, smoothing over the curve of her ass as he pulls her back in close.
His head ducks down and he kisses her with that sudden eagerness. He is like 90% ready but there is one very important thing he is probably never ever going to forget again. "Did you preemptively store any sort of protection in here?"
He doesn't know! Or maybe she went on something after Rey! But one baby is plenty for now and he is going to ask with every ounce of teasing he can get out between kisses.
He pauses to talk and Jyn thinks that is dumb as fuck, even if he asks a good question. While he is asking, Jyn stretches up to kiss his throat, teeth scraping across the sensitive skin. He can be smart, but that doesn't mean she has to put a pause on kissing.
Even when she answers, she keeps her mouth against his neck, words muffled. "They gave me an implant to control my hormones." To control her postpartum depression, honestly, but that sounds so, well, depressing. Much better to gloss over that.
"Cassian Andor, will you please have sex with me?" It's only... a little impatient.
For two seconds he forgets what he even asked, because it can't be as important as her mouth on his throat, which is probably what got them Rey in the first place. He sighs from it, hands tightening on her backside briefly before she finally answers him.
He knows what she means by the reasoning for the implant anyway, sorry Jyn. He won't bring it up, not now, mostly because she just asked him to have sex with him flat out and he really, really wants to. Priorities.
His hands slide over to her waist and thighs, and he lifts her up, settling her on the washing machine in one swift movement. He steps in between her legs immediately after and pulls them around his waist. There. Now he doesn't need to duck his head to kiss her anymore, which he's doing very eagerly of course, because he loves kissing her.
Oh right he should answer her, like, verbally too, and he manages to get it out against her mouth. "That's a yes."
He hefts her up onto the washing machine like she weighs nothing and it is the strangest boost to her self esteem. She doesn't actually care about her own looks for the most part, but the changes in her body had affected her more than she expected.
And Cassian doesn't give a single fuck.
It doesn't last especially long, and while Jyn manages to keep quiet enough to keep from waking up their precious baby, there's something open about the little noises she makes this time. She clings to Cassian, feeling overwhelmed by the sensations. Not to mention the feelings. Sex has always meant nothing, a means to an end, a way to scratch an itch. This time... the love and affection is nearly too much and she feels tears pricking at her eyes. This man is the father of her precious daughter, her closest friend, she loves him.
And more than that, he loves her.
She's breathing hard as she leans against him, trying the wrangle the onslaught of emotions so she doesn't cry like an idiot, but the tears are already leaking down her cheeks as her forehead presses against his chest.
He does not last long. He tries! But she was right, and they're both too wired on tension to do much more about it. He sighs and mumbles endearments into her neck, and it's quieter this time, which isn't a surprise given their third housemate.
But he loves her. A lot of the rush is scratching that physical itch, but it's different now. She's not just on this mission with him, she's his life. She and Rey are his whole world, outside any alliance based jurisdictions. His grip on her isn't rough or angry; it's maybe a little possessive, but it's softer somehow. Everything is more now.
Cassian plants a lingering kiss on her shoulder when it's over, then another at the top of her head. It's only then that he notices there's something slightly... off.
He pulls his head back just enough to glance at her face, catching sight of the wetness on her cheeks even though she's burrowing against him. "Jyn?" There's worry in his tone, one of his hands slipping up to cradle her cheek and gently try to tilt her head. He swallows back panic, keeping it firmly at the concern level!! There is crying! What if he hurt her? "What's wrong? Did I - did it - are you okay?"
She shakes her head immediately, trying to force back the tears so she can explain herself and assuage his obvious fears. She's fine! She's perfectly fine!
"I'm okay, it's..." Her chin tips up slowly and she knows she must look like a mess. Lips swollen from kissing, cheeks flushed from exertion, eyes and nose red from the tears that have left tracks of eyeliner down her cheeks. She probably doesn't look okay or fine, but she's still struggling to get herself together enough to explain.
She doesn't even know if she can explain.
"I'm more broken pieces than whole and you're the glue." They're the glue, this is the glue, keeping her together and whole and she knows it doesn't make sense but sometimes it hits her so hard that their broken pieces stitch together like a mosaic. She shouldn't be allowed something that makes her feel this whole, this real, like she matters. And yet here is this man who inexplicably loves her for some reason and their tiny, wonderful family fits.
She does look like a mess, for so many different reasons, and he doesn't know the best thing he can do to help. He brushes his thumb over her cheek, patient and listening while she sorts out what she wants to say.
He lets out a little laugh, kind of watery as his own feelings suddenly swarm up to the surface to match hers. You're the glue she says, and he thinks it must be the opposite. He feels whole with her, she reminds him that maybe he does have a chance to have a real family with people who love him.
"Maybe we were just each other's missing piece." He kisses her forehead and lingers for a moment. She's overwhelmed, but it's more of a... happy thing. Cassian didn't think it was possibly to be overwhelmed in a good way, and he really hopes that's the case. "I love you," he says quietly, and he's never said that to her after sex, or said it to anyone after sex really. "And all of our pieces together."
And that is it: she's too hormonal and emotional to hold on to the last shreds of her control and she smiles, beams at him, before her expression crumples into tears again and she curls her arms around his neck, crying against his chest.
She didn't know it was possible to be crying from sheer joy, but here she is, perched on the washer and doing just that.
"I love you so much, Cassian, I feel like I'm going to burst from it." It's muffled and sniffly, but it's clear. She has no idea how to cope with happiness. And isn't that the saddest thing in the galaxy. "I don't... I don't know how to, I'm happy and I don't know how to be that?"
He catches sight of her smile and it's one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen. The moment she collapses against him, his arms slide around her and he shuffles in close, tugging her neatly into his arms without pulling her off the washing machine.
She's definitely crying, but it seems like a good crying? She's snotty and weeping but she's happy; she tells him so.
Cassian kisses her hair and his own nerves seem to come alive too. "I do not know how to be happy either," he admits. It's a comfort to say so aloud, because they're in this together. "We are figuring out everything else along the way, maybe we can figure out how to be happy too. How to just... let ourselves be happy. I did not want to let myself be happy, not until you. It's overwhelming and it is scary, but I have you. You have me. Our happiness just has to look like - like whatever we want it to. I think."
She nods a little against his chest, staying burrowed there until she feels the tears start to subside. She is so happy with him, nothing else in her life has ever made her feel this settled and safe and whole, like she'd learned how to fill in all the cracks and holes in her heart with his help and affection.
Lifting her head, looking at him with all that love and happiness that is threatening to make her cry again. "Whatever we want it to? So it can look like two disasters and the sweetest baby in the universe?"
He rubs his hand over her back, quiet and gentle ministrations while she cries against his chest. She can stay there as long as she needs or wants, and Cassian will continue to hold her.
He lets out the tiniest laugh; it's not an inaccurate description in any way. "Yes," he agrees, looking back at her with the same kind of love. He feels like he's going to burst from it. "I think it can look exactly like that. And if it changes, that is okay too. We are learning. Even if we are scared, I do not think it takes away from being happy. I will be a disaster with you for the rest of my life."
"That's actually really romantic," she admits, definitely feeling like she's going to cry again. He's just so good to her and maybe neither of them deserve it, but Force, maybe they do and all she wants is Cassian. Her life with Cassian and Rey is every single thing she wants.
Anything else is just confetti.
"I'm holding you to that. For the rest of our lives, me and you."
"See? I am already learning how to be more romantic with you." He hadn't necessarily been trying, the words just tumbled out of him naturally. He wants to be good for Jyn, he wants her to feel good and not just through something like sex. He wants being with her and marrying her for real to be a good life. As long as she's in it with him with their tiny baby, he thinks they already managed to carve out something good for themselves in the universe.
"I like the sound of that very much. Every day we can grow and shape that happiness a little bit more, into whatever we need it to be."
And that's something very appealing - getting to create a happy life in any form they want.
"I don't think that line would work on anyone else." But the two of them? They're both fucked up enough to be disasters with each other. That promise would only be romantic for the two of them.
Her mouth opens and shuts. Opens again, shuts again.
"Cassian, do you still think I'm... not rubbish to look at? After everything." After pregnancy and childbirth and a needy baby and depression leaving her no energy to work out and maintain the svelte, toned body she used to have. Cassian is still a fucking babe and she's... lumpy.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
realists) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ohnofeelstho2017-05-14 03:23 pm
no subject
Honestly, he probably won't cross any lines either, because neither of them is going to last long enough to find a line to cross and she is fairly certain Cassian isn't into anything very out there.
"I want." Her hands leave his neck to put one on each cheek. For a second, because she's a fucking child, she smooshes his cheeks so he makes a fish face. But only for a second. "You. Some part of you. Inside of me. In the next minute."
Everything else is extra.
no subject
Cassian laughs, tilting his cheek just enough to kiss her palm. "I can use my hands for the immediate, but it might take more than a minute if you want anything else."
He kisses her palm again, then slides his lips down her skin in a quick flutter of pecks to her wrist. "And I'm still going to kiss you first."
no subject
Her hand circles his waist, fingers tip tapping across his spine before her hand descends, palming his ass. Cheeky.
"Bet we could speed that up."
no subject
He did say he likes her hands. He also likes the way she presses in, nearly shuddering already and wow it really is not going to take long is it? He laughs again too and thinks he could get used to laughing with Jyn during sex being the new normal.
"It might help if I took your shirt off." You know, whatever, no big deal, even if the corners of his mouth tilt up in a grin. His mouth moves back up from her wrist, kissing her fingers.
no subject
"It'll definitely help if you take your pants off though, those are completely unnecessary." Who needs pants? No one in this house.
no subject
"But if we're trying to help me along here, we should definitely start with your pants." He doesn't move to take them off yet, but he does duck down to kiss her gently. It is maybe a little question, because his Jyn is uncomfortable senses are tingling.
no subject
She smiles into the kiss, happy he has (seemingly) let it go, and after a moment steps back, spreading her hands to the side like go for it. It's a clear invitation, she's not going to fight him getting her pants off. She'd just said she wanted him inside her, getting rid of her pants is step one.
"That's gonna do the trick for you, getting me out of my knickers and you'll be ready to go?" Her eyebrows lift, teasing, there has to be more to it. "Go on then."
no subject
"I never said that was all. It would be a good start," he says with his own teasing grin, sliding his hands around to undo the buttons on her pants. He pushes them off her hips and down towards her knees, letting her kick them off the rest of the way. His fingers dance up her bare thighs until he tucks his thumbs into her underwear. He kisses her again, and it's much more eager this time, slipping his hands under the fabric. "Kissing and touching you helps too."
no subject
It's kind of a heady feeling, in any case, thinking about the fact that he wants her.
Her.
When he could have literally anyone he wanted with five seconds of minimal effort and snug fitting trousers. Jyn knows that half her coworkers were taken aback at just how attractive he is, how sweet and personable and affectionate he was at their dinner. Even Lissi spent the entire next time Jyn was in the office babbling about how lucky Jyn was until Berrys stopped by and casually corrected her, Cassian was the lucky one. Jyn was more inclined to agree with Lissi, tbh.
no subject
He would agree with Berrys, honestly. He's so lucky to have Jyn. She wants to stay with him, for the rest of their lives, and he never thought he'd be that fortunate. It still amazes him she said yes, beyond the confines of the mission. He loves her, and knowing that makes him all the more determined to show it this round, however little time it actually lasts. He kisses her jaw, dipping his hands low enough to briefly squeeze her ass. "I suppose my pants can go too. Could you do that for me?"
no subject
"Put your hands back, I like them there."
She likes his hands everywhere, but right now she's digging his fingers brushing against the edge of her underwear, almost tickling her sensitive skin. Her head tilts a little, so he can keep kissing her, even as she wriggles a bit more to keep pushing his pants down. It needs to be naked time already.
Like five minutes ago.
no subject
His head ducks down and he kisses her with that sudden eagerness. He is like 90% ready but there is one very important thing he is probably never ever going to forget again. "Did you preemptively store any sort of protection in here?"
He doesn't know! Or maybe she went on something after Rey! But one baby is plenty for now and he is going to ask with every ounce of teasing he can get out between kisses.
no subject
Even when she answers, she keeps her mouth against his neck, words muffled. "They gave me an implant to control my hormones." To control her postpartum depression, honestly, but that sounds so, well, depressing. Much better to gloss over that.
"Cassian Andor, will you please have sex with me?" It's only... a little impatient.
no subject
He knows what she means by the reasoning for the implant anyway, sorry Jyn. He won't bring it up, not now, mostly because she just asked him to have sex with him flat out and he really, really wants to. Priorities.
His hands slide over to her waist and thighs, and he lifts her up, settling her on the washing machine in one swift movement. He steps in between her legs immediately after and pulls them around his waist. There. Now he doesn't need to duck his head to kiss her anymore, which he's doing very eagerly of course, because he loves kissing her.
Oh right he should answer her, like, verbally too, and he manages to get it out against her mouth. "That's a yes."
no subject
And Cassian doesn't give a single fuck.
It doesn't last especially long, and while Jyn manages to keep quiet enough to keep from waking up their precious baby, there's something open about the little noises she makes this time. She clings to Cassian, feeling overwhelmed by the sensations. Not to mention the feelings. Sex has always meant nothing, a means to an end, a way to scratch an itch. This time... the love and affection is nearly too much and she feels tears pricking at her eyes. This man is the father of her precious daughter, her closest friend, she loves him.
And more than that, he loves her.
She's breathing hard as she leans against him, trying the wrangle the onslaught of emotions so she doesn't cry like an idiot, but the tears are already leaking down her cheeks as her forehead presses against his chest.
no subject
But he loves her. A lot of the rush is scratching that physical itch, but it's different now. She's not just on this mission with him, she's his life. She and Rey are his whole world, outside any alliance based jurisdictions. His grip on her isn't rough or angry; it's maybe a little possessive, but it's softer somehow. Everything is more now.
Cassian plants a lingering kiss on her shoulder when it's over, then another at the top of her head. It's only then that he notices there's something slightly... off.
He pulls his head back just enough to glance at her face, catching sight of the wetness on her cheeks even though she's burrowing against him. "Jyn?" There's worry in his tone, one of his hands slipping up to cradle her cheek and gently try to tilt her head. He swallows back panic, keeping it firmly at the concern level!! There is crying! What if he hurt her? "What's wrong? Did I - did it - are you okay?"
no subject
"I'm okay, it's..." Her chin tips up slowly and she knows she must look like a mess. Lips swollen from kissing, cheeks flushed from exertion, eyes and nose red from the tears that have left tracks of eyeliner down her cheeks. She probably doesn't look okay or fine, but she's still struggling to get herself together enough to explain.
She doesn't even know if she can explain.
"I'm more broken pieces than whole and you're the glue." They're the glue, this is the glue, keeping her together and whole and she knows it doesn't make sense but sometimes it hits her so hard that their broken pieces stitch together like a mosaic. She shouldn't be allowed something that makes her feel this whole, this real, like she matters. And yet here is this man who inexplicably loves her for some reason and their tiny, wonderful family fits.
Who wouldn't be overwhelmed.
no subject
He lets out a little laugh, kind of watery as his own feelings suddenly swarm up to the surface to match hers. You're the glue she says, and he thinks it must be the opposite. He feels whole with her, she reminds him that maybe he does have a chance to have a real family with people who love him.
"Maybe we were just each other's missing piece." He kisses her forehead and lingers for a moment. She's overwhelmed, but it's more of a... happy thing. Cassian didn't think it was possibly to be overwhelmed in a good way, and he really hopes that's the case. "I love you," he says quietly, and he's never said that to her after sex, or said it to anyone after sex really. "And all of our pieces together."
no subject
And that is it: she's too hormonal and emotional to hold on to the last shreds of her control and she smiles, beams at him, before her expression crumples into tears again and she curls her arms around his neck, crying against his chest.
She didn't know it was possible to be crying from sheer joy, but here she is, perched on the washer and doing just that.
"I love you so much, Cassian, I feel like I'm going to burst from it." It's muffled and sniffly, but it's clear. She has no idea how to cope with happiness. And isn't that the saddest thing in the galaxy. "I don't... I don't know how to, I'm happy and I don't know how to be that?"
no subject
She's definitely crying, but it seems like a good crying? She's snotty and weeping but she's happy; she tells him so.
Cassian kisses her hair and his own nerves seem to come alive too. "I do not know how to be happy either," he admits. It's a comfort to say so aloud, because they're in this together. "We are figuring out everything else along the way, maybe we can figure out how to be happy too. How to just... let ourselves be happy. I did not want to let myself be happy, not until you. It's overwhelming and it is scary, but I have you. You have me. Our happiness just has to look like - like whatever we want it to. I think."
no subject
Lifting her head, looking at him with all that love and happiness that is threatening to make her cry again. "Whatever we want it to? So it can look like two disasters and the sweetest baby in the universe?"
Because that is what it is.
no subject
He lets out the tiniest laugh; it's not an inaccurate description in any way. "Yes," he agrees, looking back at her with the same kind of love. He feels like he's going to burst from it. "I think it can look exactly like that. And if it changes, that is okay too. We are learning. Even if we are scared, I do not think it takes away from being happy. I will be a disaster with you for the rest of my life."
no subject
Anything else is just confetti.
"I'm holding you to that. For the rest of our lives, me and you."
no subject
"I like the sound of that very much. Every day we can grow and shape that happiness a little bit more, into whatever we need it to be."
And that's something very appealing - getting to create a happy life in any form they want.
no subject
Her mouth opens and shuts. Opens again, shuts again.
"Cassian, do you still think I'm... not rubbish to look at? After everything." After pregnancy and childbirth and a needy baby and depression leaving her no energy to work out and maintain the svelte, toned body she used to have. Cassian is still a fucking babe and she's... lumpy.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)