He lets it hang in the air while it sinks in, and even though all his better judgment tells him to be cautious, he believes her.
"Not on my end either." Cassian knows he didn't much like her at first, but sitting here now, he realizes it's been a long time since that shifted. There's a difference between anger and hate. Rey doesn't have an ounce of the hate bone in her tiny body.
He lets go of her wrist with a start, like he's suddenly aware he was still holding it. He waves idly in the same direction she did, encompassing all the shitty things about their life. "I hate this too. But never her, never you."
Himself, yes, but at least Jyn doesn't. It'll be good for Rey. "I'm not going to go anywhere, and I want to keep raising Rey with you, even when this is all over."
Maybe this is another shift; instead of being reluctant teammates by no choice of their own, now they can be partners. A small, flickering smile touches her lips for a moment at his... promise?
She decides it's a promise.
"Well, we already established I can't do it on my own." Her way of saying she welcomes co-parenting their daughter, accepts his offer and his help. Without saying anything else she turns to the kitchen to retrieve the fresh beers from the fridge. After the first two she decides fuck it, and grabs the two left over as well. Downing a six pack between the two of them in one night isn't the best idea, but she doesn't have good ideas, that is Cassian's niche.
It feels like a shift. He doesn't know what it means for the future, but for now they're on more equal footing. He doesn't quite smile when she gives her own version of acceptance, but his face softens. He nods at her before she goes back to the kitchen, and only when she disappears does a smile briefly flicker on his face.
He raises an eyebrow when she comes back with all the beer, but he doesn't object. It's probably not a good idea, but he can't seem to care much. Cassian sets his now empty bottle on the table and sinks back into the couch, letting himself actually get a little comfortable for once. "Two of those are mine, right?"
"One of these is yours," Jyn corrects, passing him one as she sinks onto the couch, slightly closer than she was before. It's nothing. "One is mine, the other two are in flux."
Schrodinger's beer.
"I just want to feel like myself for once." It sounds like so little to ask for but here it's always too much, too dangerous, or she's too busy with Rey. She doesn't want to be Jyn: Rebel or Jyn: Mother right now, she wants to be Jyn: Girl right now.
He takes it and shakes his head in what could pass for a pseudo-laugh. He notices she's closer when she sits, but it's weirdly - nice. He pops the bottle open and sips it, but the lightness dims for a second after she finishes speaking.
Instead of feeling guilty again about taking over her life again, Cassian just finds himself sympathizing. Relating, in a way. He doesn't really know what he's like outside of the Rebellion, but he knows this whole set up is not himself either. He sighs and holds up his beer for a toast. "I think we can do that tonight."
Maybe Rey will even sleep long enough for them to feel like real people for once! "Does being yourself involve stealing all the drinks?"
Jyn taps the neck of her beer against his, flicker of a smile. "It might."
A moment later, she taps the bottom of her bottle to the top of his, inevitably triggering a foam eruption like a beer volcano.
Should she have done it over the couch that they both hang out on? Probably not. Should she have done it when Cassian is sitting and will have to leap up to save his pants? Also probably not. But the bubble of laughter is like its own volcano and it's probably worth it.
He is about to argue with her that he deserves at least one more, which seems kind of silly and weird and childish but he's not thinking about it, when she smacks their bottles together again enough to send the foam bubbling out of his beer.
His first instinct is to be annoyed, but then he hears her laugh and the petulance is swept away with the sound of it. He does, however, react on another instinct, which is to slide in closer and let the foam drip all over his pants rather than the couch. Much easier to clean clothes than a cushion. Moving towards it rather than pulling the bottle towards him clearly stops any of the drip from hitting the couch along the way. Logic! He exhales a sigh and rolls his eyes, almost affectionately.
"Well, one of the other ones is definitely mine now. Thanks for that."
Jyn keeps cackling as he tries to save the couch, cheeks flushed with amusement and delight. This is exactly what Jyn needed, because she utterly relaxes into the laughter and the couch. Which means she relaxes into Cassian.
Incidentally.
"I suppose I can share." A beat, another giggle escaping. "Now that you're wearing your drink."
She keeps laughing and he finally cracks the tiniest of smiles. It's because he just downed a whole bottle of beer, clearly! Never mind that his tolerance is ridiculously high.
But Jyn is relaxed. He can tell, because she's literally relaxing against him and he can feel it. It catches his breath for a second, like his heart skips a beat, but she's so smiley and giggly and she deserves it.
"It's not a particularly comfortable fashion statement." He drains what's left in his bottle, settling it on the floor because then he doesn't have to dislodge Jyn in the stretch. "Pass it over then." Hers, not an unopened one.
Her nose crinkles up, but she takes a long sip before she passes it over. She supposes it's fair and they're a team and she did ruin his beer knowing full well it was going to spill all over him. So fine, he gets her beer.
"I didn't mean mine, I meant the other ones." She wants to ask if he's going to change, but that seems... weird, somehow? She doesn't know what she's doing right now. She feels calm for once, with Cassian, and she wants to hold on to it.
He takes it from her and grins a little smugly. "Then you should not have spilled mine," he says, sipping two large gulps of hers before he passes it back over. Apparently they're going to share that one for now?? He doesn't know what made him make that decision, but he's decided against better judgement and decided against questioning it.
"It's not fair if you get more than me, so we split this one." And he should change his pants, but he's not going to do that yet either, because he like the press of her against him, and he might not get it back once he gets up.
He should change, because that can't be comfortable at all. And she caused it so she knows it's true. But she takes her bottle back and takes a sip. "Thanks."
For what? She isn't sure, honestly. For hanging out with her when he doesn't have to, maybe. For being a good father, definitely, but that's an understood. For being her friend? She doesn't know! Everything is all topsy turvy but she likes the weight of him next to her.
"You should take your pants off." She wasn't going to say anything because it would be weird and then she was weird as heck. "To change. Pants."
He makes a bit of a confused face, because it doesn't quite feel like she needs to be thanking him. He waits for her to take a sip, then reaches for it to take another for himself.
Which naturally, for completely unforeseen reasons, happens right when she tells him to take his pants off, so he half chokes on it. It's a sputter, one he catches, and fortunately he makes no more beer messes. It does give him the excuse to look down at his pants though, and he frowns. "I probably should. It's just going to get sticky." He looks over at her carefully, not shy but maybe quiet. "Are you going to steal the rest while I'm gone?"
"Depends how long you take." It's up to him. "That one is gonna be gone, yeah, but the others might survive if you don't linger." Which isn't a Cassian type of thing to do, lingering over pants. He's usually so quick.
Speaking of, she reaches out to take the beer back.
He shoots her half a smile, slowly pulling himself away to stand up, already missing her warmth beside him. "I'm very good with hostage situations. I'll be quick and ready to negotiate soon."
As soon as he says it he feels dumb that's so dumb?? He wrinkles his nose and immediately slips away into the bedroom. He's very capable of being smooth, but apparently only when it's pretend. He finds another pair of sweatpants quickly and throws the old ones in the hamper. Before he comes back out, he has to steal another peak at Rey, but she's sound asleep, so Cassian is very quick to come back out into the living room.
He comes back around the couch and scoops up one of the remaining beers, but he's not sure if he can go back to sitting the same way. So he stays standing for a few extra seconds under the guise of opening the bottle.
He comes back and Jyn starts talking, feeling a little overwhelmed with her own emotions that have no place being here in her life, but the talking makes her feel less overwhelmed about what she is trying not to feel.
"Do you want to watch a film? Probably one from like five years ago but I haven't seen a film in that time so it'll be new to me even if it's not new to the rest of the galaxy. I just don't want to go to sleep when I have free time, if that makes sense."
The talking settles him, because her invite to watch a film means she wants him to stick around. Cassian takes the opportunity and chance to sit down beside her again in the same place before he can overthink it, and he drops his arm behind the couch to invite her back in too.
"It's not like I have seen many recent ones either," he offers. There's little free time, and even when he's had it, he tends to spend it reading. Jyn might pass out in the middle of it, but he's not going to deny her. "And it makes sense. I don't really want to sleep yet either. What kind do you want to watch?"
She's glad when he sits next to her again, gently pressing into him as she shrugs. "I don't have an opinion, just something that isn't... a baby. I love her but she's rubbish company."
She's definitely going to pass out in the middle of it.
It settles him more when she settles in, reaffirming she's okay with this closeness. It seems ridiculous to worry about considering they already have a child, but boundaries are probably always going to be weird.
He snorts. "No babies. We could do something with more mindless action."
"Yeah, sounds good." She is not jumping to take care of that, however, instead she is dragging the blanket over her again. Jyn plus couch equals blanket, that's just how it is. Jyn wants to be warm and comfortable and she is both with Cassian and isn't that the weirdest fucking thing.
"Is she still sleeping?" Of course she knows he looked, she would too.
Before she yanks the blanket, he grabs the datapad to control the holoscreen. Cassian flips through it idly, trying to find something for her to fall asleep to.
He smiles when she brings up Rey without even realizing. "Completely out. I don't think she budged at all since I laid her down."
Once he starts some random movie up, he adjusts himself a little and the blanket, tucking it over him too as he drops his arm casually over her shoulders. Maybe that's okay?? He hopes it is.
"Some part of her probably thinks that if she doesn't move she'll get better sleep and can stay up longer." Jyn is exhausted already and Rey does sleep a ton, if not all at once, she would die if Rey figured out a way to sleep less.
Her own expression softens thinking about their daughter and so there they are, curled up on the couch next to each other, quite comfortable under the blanket as Jyn tips her head to rest against his shoulder, finally looking like the happy couple they're meant to be.
"Don't even say it. She'll hear you somehow." Rey is a very sleepy baby, it's just not always consistent, and Cassian does not want to imagine a world where her sleep schedule shifts, or where it lessens.
Jyn's head slips onto his shoulder, and he almost repeats the earlier urge to kiss her hair, but she's too awake this time. Instead he just finds himself relaxing with her so content beside him. It doesn't feel fake or forced, which is the nicest part of it. He's smiling by the time the film starts up, not quite paying attention to it yet, because he's trying to memorize the feeling here with her. Happy, while their daughter sleeps peacefully in the next room, and it's a strangeness he doesn't think he'd mind sticking around.
Jyn tries very hard to stay awake but the opening credits have barely finished by the time she starts yawning. She draws the blankets tighter around her and shifts slightly, curling into Cassian even more. They're not even a half hour in when Jyn's eyes flutter shut and it's barely passed forty minutes when the last, lingering signs of wakefulness disappear and Jyn is dead asleep against him, silent and still.
Somewhere in that last ten minutes between waking and sleep, her fingers had curled around his shirt near his waist, holding herself to him, but her grip slackens in sleep and her hands slowly falls to his lap.
This is why Jyn's never paid to see a film in a cinema before.
He does absolutely nothing to try and keep her awake for the movie, because she deserves all the sleep she can get. Besides, he's decided he likes being a pillow.
She's so warm that it doesn't take much longer for him to be lulled into a tiredness too. His beer long since set on the table, he shuffles a little to get more comfortable, slowly and carefully because he doesn't want to wake her. Jyn doesn't budge. She's practically deadweight. Cassian slips further sideways, trying to lay down, but Jyn is completely out (just like her daughter) and moves with him like a liquid.
He lays himself down and Jyn curls up on top of him. The reality of it should set him alert, but he's too tired to care. He lets himself fall asleep with her a little over an hour into the movie, his arm unconsciously curling around her.
The movie goes through the credits, looping on the title screen and playing the theme music throughout the house. It's the only sound for a while, a solid two hours - at least until Rey blinks herself awake in the other room. She just whimpers at first, which is usually enough to get one of them out of bed, but since they're on the couch and there's no response, she starts whining louder, half crying because excuse you universe, she is hungry!
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ohnofeelstho2017-05-14 03:23 pm
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"Not on my end either." Cassian knows he didn't much like her at first, but sitting here now, he realizes it's been a long time since that shifted. There's a difference between anger and hate. Rey doesn't have an ounce of the hate bone in her tiny body.
He lets go of her wrist with a start, like he's suddenly aware he was still holding it. He waves idly in the same direction she did, encompassing all the shitty things about their life. "I hate this too. But never her, never you."
Himself, yes, but at least Jyn doesn't. It'll be good for Rey. "I'm not going to go anywhere, and I want to keep raising Rey with you, even when this is all over."
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She decides it's a promise.
"Well, we already established I can't do it on my own." Her way of saying she welcomes co-parenting their daughter, accepts his offer and his help. Without saying anything else she turns to the kitchen to retrieve the fresh beers from the fridge. After the first two she decides fuck it, and grabs the two left over as well. Downing a six pack between the two of them in one night isn't the best idea, but she doesn't have good ideas, that is Cassian's niche.
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He raises an eyebrow when she comes back with all the beer, but he doesn't object. It's probably not a good idea, but he can't seem to care much. Cassian sets his now empty bottle on the table and sinks back into the couch, letting himself actually get a little comfortable for once. "Two of those are mine, right?"
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Schrodinger's beer.
"I just want to feel like myself for once." It sounds like so little to ask for but here it's always too much, too dangerous, or she's too busy with Rey. She doesn't want to be Jyn: Rebel or Jyn: Mother right now, she wants to be Jyn: Girl right now.
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Instead of feeling guilty again about taking over her life again, Cassian just finds himself sympathizing. Relating, in a way. He doesn't really know what he's like outside of the Rebellion, but he knows this whole set up is not himself either. He sighs and holds up his beer for a toast. "I think we can do that tonight."
Maybe Rey will even sleep long enough for them to feel like real people for once! "Does being yourself involve stealing all the drinks?"
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A moment later, she taps the bottom of her bottle to the top of his, inevitably triggering a foam eruption like a beer volcano.
Should she have done it over the couch that they both hang out on? Probably not. Should she have done it when Cassian is sitting and will have to leap up to save his pants? Also probably not. But the bubble of laughter is like its own volcano and it's probably worth it.
Regular girl Jyn is a butthead.
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His first instinct is to be annoyed, but then he hears her laugh and the petulance is swept away with the sound of it. He does, however, react on another instinct, which is to slide in closer and let the foam drip all over his pants rather than the couch. Much easier to clean clothes than a cushion. Moving towards it rather than pulling the bottle towards him clearly stops any of the drip from hitting the couch along the way. Logic! He exhales a sigh and rolls his eyes, almost affectionately.
"Well, one of the other ones is definitely mine now. Thanks for that."
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Incidentally.
"I suppose I can share." A beat, another giggle escaping. "Now that you're wearing your drink."
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But Jyn is relaxed. He can tell, because she's literally relaxing against him and he can feel it. It catches his breath for a second, like his heart skips a beat, but she's so smiley and giggly and she deserves it.
"It's not a particularly comfortable fashion statement." He drains what's left in his bottle, settling it on the floor because then he doesn't have to dislodge Jyn in the stretch. "Pass it over then." Hers, not an unopened one.
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"I didn't mean mine, I meant the other ones." She wants to ask if he's going to change, but that seems... weird, somehow? She doesn't know what she's doing right now. She feels calm for once, with Cassian, and she wants to hold on to it.
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"It's not fair if you get more than me, so we split this one." And he should change his pants, but he's not going to do that yet either, because he like the press of her against him, and he might not get it back once he gets up.
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For what? She isn't sure, honestly. For hanging out with her when he doesn't have to, maybe. For being a good father, definitely, but that's an understood. For being her friend? She doesn't know! Everything is all topsy turvy but she likes the weight of him next to her.
"You should take your pants off." She wasn't going to say anything because it would be weird and then she was weird as heck. "To change. Pants."
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Which naturally, for completely unforeseen reasons, happens right when she tells him to take his pants off, so he half chokes on it. It's a sputter, one he catches, and fortunately he makes no more beer messes. It does give him the excuse to look down at his pants though, and he frowns. "I probably should. It's just going to get sticky." He looks over at her carefully, not shy but maybe quiet. "Are you going to steal the rest while I'm gone?"
Can he come back? He wants to come back.
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Speaking of, she reaches out to take the beer back.
"I'll hold it hostage."
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As soon as he says it he feels dumb that's so dumb?? He wrinkles his nose and immediately slips away into the bedroom. He's very capable of being smooth, but apparently only when it's pretend. He finds another pair of sweatpants quickly and throws the old ones in the hamper. Before he comes back out, he has to steal another peak at Rey, but she's sound asleep, so Cassian is very quick to come back out into the living room.
He comes back around the couch and scoops up one of the remaining beers, but he's not sure if he can go back to sitting the same way. So he stays standing for a few extra seconds under the guise of opening the bottle.
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"Do you want to watch a film? Probably one from like five years ago but I haven't seen a film in that time so it'll be new to me even if it's not new to the rest of the galaxy. I just don't want to go to sleep when I have free time, if that makes sense."
Even if she's still clearly exhausted.
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"It's not like I have seen many recent ones either," he offers. There's little free time, and even when he's had it, he tends to spend it reading. Jyn might pass out in the middle of it, but he's not going to deny her. "And it makes sense. I don't really want to sleep yet either. What kind do you want to watch?"
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She's definitely going to pass out in the middle of it.
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He snorts. "No babies. We could do something with more mindless action."
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"Is she still sleeping?" Of course she knows he looked, she would too.
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He smiles when she brings up Rey without even realizing. "Completely out. I don't think she budged at all since I laid her down."
Once he starts some random movie up, he adjusts himself a little and the blanket, tucking it over him too as he drops his arm casually over her shoulders. Maybe that's okay?? He hopes it is.
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Her own expression softens thinking about their daughter and so there they are, curled up on the couch next to each other, quite comfortable under the blanket as Jyn tips her head to rest against his shoulder, finally looking like the happy couple they're meant to be.
All because of that little girl.
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Jyn's head slips onto his shoulder, and he almost repeats the earlier urge to kiss her hair, but she's too awake this time. Instead he just finds himself relaxing with her so content beside him. It doesn't feel fake or forced, which is the nicest part of it. He's smiling by the time the film starts up, not quite paying attention to it yet, because he's trying to memorize the feeling here with her. Happy, while their daughter sleeps peacefully in the next room, and it's a strangeness he doesn't think he'd mind sticking around.
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Somewhere in that last ten minutes between waking and sleep, her fingers had curled around his shirt near his waist, holding herself to him, but her grip slackens in sleep and her hands slowly falls to his lap.
This is why Jyn's never paid to see a film in a cinema before.
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She's so warm that it doesn't take much longer for him to be lulled into a tiredness too. His beer long since set on the table, he shuffles a little to get more comfortable, slowly and carefully because he doesn't want to wake her. Jyn doesn't budge. She's practically deadweight. Cassian slips further sideways, trying to lay down, but Jyn is completely out (just like her daughter) and moves with him like a liquid.
He lays himself down and Jyn curls up on top of him. The reality of it should set him alert, but he's too tired to care. He lets himself fall asleep with her a little over an hour into the movie, his arm unconsciously curling around her.
The movie goes through the credits, looping on the title screen and playing the theme music throughout the house. It's the only sound for a while, a solid two hours - at least until Rey blinks herself awake in the other room. She just whimpers at first, which is usually enough to get one of them out of bed, but since they're on the couch and there's no response, she starts whining louder, half crying because excuse you universe, she is hungry!
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