"It's not like there's anything remotely sexy about this."
It's her first thought in regards to boundaries, not fully aware that he's probably referring more to the quiet intimacy of Jyn's usually private moments with her daughter. She doesn't mind sharing with him, she'd just built up such a wall before she'd decided earlier to try to be less ornery.
"Look, when it comes to Rey, there's nothing I can think of that I'd fight you against." Formula, sending her to an Imperial daycare, letting her eat junk food, leaving her unvaccinated... okay, there is a lot she would fight over, but nothing that Cassian is likely to bring up. Probably.
"That's not what I meant either." Part of him still feels like he's intruding, interrupting a moment Jyn would rather have with Rey alone, even though she'd basically invited him twice over. His hand stills, so only his thumb is moving over Rey's back. "We don't usually sit here like this together."
He looks from Rey up to Jyn, oddly comforted by what she says. They already tended to agree on most things with regards to Rey's care, but it's sort of nice. It feels like she's trying to reassure him rather than close him out. "But it's the same for me. I have nothing to fight with you about, not with Rey."
A small smile twitches against her mouth, soft and sweet, before she winces as Rey gets a little too sleepily eager and the moment is lost.
"Gentle," she whispers, muttering a maybe not so kind pet name in her father's tongue that loosely translates to little monster. Rey does gentle but it's only because she's half asleep. She's certainly not listening to her mother. Jyn feels like that's some insight into the future, honestly. They're going to have their hands full with Rey once she decides she wants to walk.
Jyn closes her eyes, letting her hand settle against Rey's side and if her fingers brush Cassian's, well. It happens.
He finds himself smiling back in that same small way, before blinking down at Rey when Jyn winces. She is not very old at all, but their daughter's personality is shining through already. Cassian doesn't speak Grange well, but he's heard Jyn use it enough to pick up on the gist of what she calls Rey based on context too.
Her fingers touch his, and he hesitates for a moment, just one, before overlapping them. It's not enough to say they're holding hands, just a tiny weave between their fingertips like a basket around their sleepy daughter. It almost feels too safe and secure, and he can't bring himself to close his own eyes, like maybe it's just a dream. Rey can creep closer to sleep, but despite how relaxed he is, Cassian is far from it.
For a while, it's just like that. Rey settled between her parents, the quiet hum of the radio, the low light, sleepy warmth between them all.
Rey doesn't move away when she stops eating, which Jyn has always found hilarious, she simply falls asleep with her face pressed against Jyn and the only difference is that Jyn doesn't feel the steady pressure of her nursing anymore. Even after that she doesn't shift Rey.
It's not time for Jyn to sleep, this is not an adult bedtime, but she's so warm and content with Rey snuggled against her, she has a tendency to fall asleep herself. This time though, her eyes flutter open again and she looks at Cassian. "She's out."
It feels like it could be real. Rey is real, obviously, and the love they have for her, but secluded like this in the room makes Cassian feel like there's not a looming empire out there, that he has a family and a life not masked by scars and nightmares. He focuses on Rey, the tiny huff of her breathing as she falls asleep, but he spares a glance now and then at Jyn too. She looks so at ease, and he wants her to look like that all the time.
His gaze meets hers as soon as she opens her eyes, and he smiles. "Out enough to stay asleep when she gets moved?" From her posture and utter lack of tension in her tiny body, Cassian assumes so but. Maybe he doesn't quite want to move yet.
"Maybe give her her a bit longer." Jyn does wriggle to shift her shirt closed though and the slight jostle of movement causes Rey to half tip into Cassian's waiting hand. She would have flopped on to her back but instead there was her Papa to support her.
Not even Jyn's faint snicker at the milky drool on Rey's cheek does anything to rouse the baby. "She's drunk." A beat, a plaintive whine from Jyn this time. "God, I want a beer."
Rey is absolutely out like a light, but Cassian is very content to just stretch out that chance anyway. He lowers her a little, just so his hand doesn't get stiff, but he doesn't stop cradling her.
He chuckles quietly, because the baby really does look the equivalent of wasted on milk. Literally the least Cassian can do for Jyn is get her alcohol. "I'll buy you one. Maybe even a few." He pauses. "Though we might still have some, if you really want one now."
Her eyes snap to Cassian so fast if she could have given herself ocular whiplash, it would have just happened. Maybe it did, but surprise covers her expression instead of pain so maybe not.
"We have it in the house?" She could have picked it up herself at the grocer's but she already get Looks because she looks like she's twelve and her wedding ring has been 'getting cleaned' for over a year. She didn't need to add underage drinking to her perceived teenage unwed motherhood. "Has it been here the whole time?"
He snorts out a laugh at how quickly she hones in on him. "Bodhi brought some to celebrate once, but it never went anywhere but the back of the fridge. I don't even know if he ever took it back with him."
Cassian is not much of a beer person, and Jyn had been pregnant at the time, so in all honesty, he just forgot about it. He was absolutely not going to drink anything while she couldn't, and lately he's been too tired to care. "Do you want me to check?"
As soon as he gets over his sleeping daughter of course.
"Yeah, if you wouldn't mind." She sounds melty already at the idea of alcohol and Jyn doesn't drink a lot, a beer now and then with dinner when she wants to relax, fermented bantha milk when she really needs to relax, but Jyn doesn't like the feeling of being drunk so she never drinks too much.
She brushes her finger across Rey's cheek as her attention turns back to the baby. "In a while."
Cassian's tolerance is remarkably high, and Draven once said it was out of spite towards people who told him he'd lose control the more he drank. He still generally doesn't like having more than a glass, but he knows for the most part he's still got a good handle on himself with it in his system. He may have partially trained himself that way.
His hand is still being used for a pillow, so Cassian is not about to move either. He does shift her again too, so the baby is more on her back. "When she's settled."
Completely ignoring the fact that Rey already is settled. He means in her crib, of course, but they're still giving it time! Just in case. Precaution. The mental gymnastics for excuses is not lost on him, which makes it fortunate they're not being said out loud. "She whistles sometimes, in her sleep. Not a real whistle but -" A little toot of air.
Rey is definitely settled, but Jyn doesn't counter, staring down at her daughter with affection. Even she settles more, tucking her arm under her head to relax more.
"It's so cute. I thought I heard her snoring once." She looks back up at him again, sly smile flickering on her mouth. "These sweet little snores, tiny huffs and puffs. It was darling. But it turned out it was you."
He ducks his head, as best one can duck their head when he's already laying down.
"I only snore sometimes." Which is true! He only snores when he is sleeping in complete and total peace. Currently filed under: things he's not going to bring up to Jyn. But apparently Jyn beside him and Rey in the same room is enough to calm him that deeply. He's trying not to think about what that means. "At least it's light enough to be mistaken for an actual baby."
He wriggles his hand out, so he can smooth over Rey's head. "She does make noises in her sleep. Like she's trying to talk."
Sleep has no power over Rey, at least that's probably what she wants to think. Jyn wonders if object permanence applies to babies themselves, too. Do they close their eyes and forget they exist. Is that why babies so rarely blink? These are the questions you ask when you're seriously sleep deprived.
"You have a very cute snore," she adds, closing her own eyes. Just for a second. To rest them.
"I don't think anything is ever going to stop her. We may as well prepare for it now."
Cassian is not sure he's been called cute since he was a child. His hand stills on Rey while he processes this and resists the urge to tell her she has a cute face.
"I suppose that's better than an ugly snore." His voice is casual, but there's still a hint of something else there too - not shyness. Awkwardness, maybe, like he doesn't know what to do with a compliment even about something so innocent.
"I would have punched you awake if that was the case." Which she demonstrates, eyes still closed, by reaching out to lightly prod him in the stomach with her fist. She lets her hand drop to the mattress in front of him, using the shift to settle her arm across Rey like at any moment she could scoop her up and cradle her against her chest, fist unfurling.
"You're welcome, that I don't snore." She'd have known by now, but it's been noted how much of a silent sleeper she is, only the whisper of sheets and blankets when she moves.
He fakes a silent sort of oof and resists the urge to take her hand when she drops it close to him. She's cradling Rey, that's all.
Still, if his fingers brush against hers while he's also cradling Rey, he's not going to call any attention to it. He's not going to move away either. "I'd have gotten used to it. It's surprising what one learns to sleep through."
Cassian is a very light sleeper, but it doesn't mean he can't separate the white noise from the dangerous noise.
"I'll accept your gratitude anyway," Jyn says, mouth twisting wryly, even though Cassian made no such offer and she foisted her acceptance on him already. She gave him a precious little girl he is obviously obsessed with. She'll keep saying you're welcome even if it doesn't matter.
"You should put her to bed." Rey is obviously too young to worry about how co-sleeping will affect her and Jyn is The Absolute Worst about bringing Rey to bed with her in the middle of the night but. You know. She can have moments of being not completely wrapped around Rey's tiny little fingers.
He would tell her thank you for just about anything at this point after Rey. He does huff out a snort, if only to make a bit light of it. She always seems to appreciate that sort of thing more.
Cassian looks down at Rey, then back to Jyn. "I suppose she has, for now, reached the point of no return." The nice part about Rey's sleeping habits so far is that after she initially conks out, she generally stays asleep for at least an hour or two, no matter how much she gets shuffled around between parents or beds - provided she has those few moments to nestle into her dreams first.
Not that he really wants to stop laying here, but breaking the crib habit is a bad idea. Slowly, Cassian scoops up Rey into his arms and she fortunately stays a sleeping blob of a baby, unfazed in her slumber as her papa picks her up and shuffles carefully towards the edge of the bed. He stands up and waits anyway, making sure she's still out, then walks over towards the crib where he tucks her in. He stares at her in there for a few moments, always ready to marvel her existence even when she's literally only passed out uselessly.
Jyn props herself up on her elbow to watch him, faint smile softening her expression when she realizes he is watching Rey sleep. Watching her sleep. It's charming in the most unexpected way and Jyn's chest feels warm in a way she doesn't quite get.
Instead of dwelling on it, she slips silently out of bed and tiptoes toward him, reaching out to take his hand with both of hers.
"If you keep staring at her, she's going to wake up. You know she's odd like that." She backs up, hands still holding his, every intention of dragging him out of the room if she has to, but she suspects he'll give into the logic of their odd little infant who sleeps through loud noises and being jostled about but not being stared at.
He hears her coming, but he doesn't look from Rey to Jyn until she takes his hand. He steals a quick glance down at their hands, then turns it into a head tuck to pretend he didn't.
When she starts to pull him, he puts up no real resistance, but he lets himself be dragged along anyway. He's always reluctant to leave Rey, but he knows he can't really stay and watch her all night. Besides, he kind of likes the way Jyn's fingers feel wrapped around his, so maybe any bit of slowness on his part is to get her to keep tugging him along.
"It's the only time she does not like our attention, apparently." Weirdo sleep baby senses.
"I suppose she needs her privacy just like the rest of us." As if either of them gets much privacy now that Rey exists. She's not even a toddler and Jyn still finds herself lacking loads of basic privacy.
Tug tug, she keeps pulling him away from their daughter, right back into the living room where she releases his hand and drops down on the couch, trying not to think about how cold her hands feel now and how it's just the two of them now without the casual buffer of their beloved daughter.
It's not like they hang out. But if he sits next to her that is exactly what they'll be doing. Like a real couple. Jyn can't decide how she feels about that. She settles on fine because it's good for appearance's sake, even if no one can see them in the privacy of their own home.
"That's something she gets from the both of us." It's not meant to be a slight on either of them. They're both very aware of how private they are as people, especially with the complete lack of it lately.
There's a certain level of fondness in his face as Jyn drags him into the living room, and he misses her touch when she lets him go. The natural follow up would be to sit down beside her, but it's not like they do that often, not like this, not when they're both in a good mood and feeling lighter than they have in ages.
He settles a hand on the back of the couch, raising an eyebrow and determined to keep the easiness a little longer. He's going to join her, he is! But first: "Do you still want that beer?"
"Yes," she breathes out, allowing a grateful smile as she looks up at him. It's small and it doesn't last very long, but it existed. It's weird and there's a slight discomfort that surrounds her like a blanket because they're not a couple, they're not married, they don't even like each other most days.
But she does like him.
She likes the way he is with their daughter, she likes his compassion and kindness towards her, she weirdly likes how engrossed he gets in his work and how much he breathes the Rebellion, even if she hates what the Rebellion is doing to the both of them. No one should have to live this kind of life.
"Cassian--" She starts, but stops herself. "No, I'm going to need a drink for this."
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ohnofeelstho2017-05-14 03:23 pm
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It's her first thought in regards to boundaries, not fully aware that he's probably referring more to the quiet intimacy of Jyn's usually private moments with her daughter. She doesn't mind sharing with him, she'd just built up such a wall before she'd decided earlier to try to be less ornery.
"Look, when it comes to Rey, there's nothing I can think of that I'd fight you against." Formula, sending her to an Imperial daycare, letting her eat junk food, leaving her unvaccinated... okay, there is a lot she would fight over, but nothing that Cassian is likely to bring up. Probably.
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He looks from Rey up to Jyn, oddly comforted by what she says. They already tended to agree on most things with regards to Rey's care, but it's sort of nice. It feels like she's trying to reassure him rather than close him out. "But it's the same for me. I have nothing to fight with you about, not with Rey."
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"Gentle," she whispers, muttering a maybe not so kind pet name in her father's tongue that loosely translates to little monster. Rey does gentle but it's only because she's half asleep. She's certainly not listening to her mother. Jyn feels like that's some insight into the future, honestly. They're going to have their hands full with Rey once she decides she wants to walk.
Jyn closes her eyes, letting her hand settle against Rey's side and if her fingers brush Cassian's, well. It happens.
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Her fingers touch his, and he hesitates for a moment, just one, before overlapping them. It's not enough to say they're holding hands, just a tiny weave between their fingertips like a basket around their sleepy daughter. It almost feels too safe and secure, and he can't bring himself to close his own eyes, like maybe it's just a dream. Rey can creep closer to sleep, but despite how relaxed he is, Cassian is far from it.
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Rey doesn't move away when she stops eating, which Jyn has always found hilarious, she simply falls asleep with her face pressed against Jyn and the only difference is that Jyn doesn't feel the steady pressure of her nursing anymore. Even after that she doesn't shift Rey.
It's not time for Jyn to sleep, this is not an adult bedtime, but she's so warm and content with Rey snuggled against her, she has a tendency to fall asleep herself. This time though, her eyes flutter open again and she looks at Cassian. "She's out."
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His gaze meets hers as soon as she opens her eyes, and he smiles. "Out enough to stay asleep when she gets moved?" From her posture and utter lack of tension in her tiny body, Cassian assumes so but. Maybe he doesn't quite want to move yet.
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Not even Jyn's faint snicker at the milky drool on Rey's cheek does anything to rouse the baby. "She's drunk." A beat, a plaintive whine from Jyn this time. "God, I want a beer."
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He chuckles quietly, because the baby really does look the equivalent of wasted on milk. Literally the least Cassian can do for Jyn is get her alcohol. "I'll buy you one. Maybe even a few." He pauses. "Though we might still have some, if you really want one now."
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"We have it in the house?" She could have picked it up herself at the grocer's but she already get Looks because she looks like she's twelve and her wedding ring has been 'getting cleaned' for over a year. She didn't need to add underage drinking to her perceived teenage unwed motherhood. "Has it been here the whole time?"
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Cassian is not much of a beer person, and Jyn had been pregnant at the time, so in all honesty, he just forgot about it. He was absolutely not going to drink anything while she couldn't, and lately he's been too tired to care. "Do you want me to check?"
As soon as he gets over his sleeping daughter of course.
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She brushes her finger across Rey's cheek as her attention turns back to the baby. "In a while."
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His hand is still being used for a pillow, so Cassian is not about to move either. He does shift her again too, so the baby is more on her back. "When she's settled."
Completely ignoring the fact that Rey already is settled. He means in her crib, of course, but they're still giving it time! Just in case. Precaution. The mental gymnastics for excuses is not lost on him, which makes it fortunate they're not being said out loud. "She whistles sometimes, in her sleep. Not a real whistle but -" A little toot of air.
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"It's so cute. I thought I heard her snoring once." She looks back up at him again, sly smile flickering on her mouth. "These sweet little snores, tiny huffs and puffs. It was darling. But it turned out it was you."
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"I only snore sometimes." Which is true! He only snores when he is sleeping in complete and total peace. Currently filed under: things he's not going to bring up to Jyn. But apparently Jyn beside him and Rey in the same room is enough to calm him that deeply. He's trying not to think about what that means. "At least it's light enough to be mistaken for an actual baby."
He wriggles his hand out, so he can smooth over Rey's head. "She does make noises in her sleep. Like she's trying to talk."
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Sleep has no power over Rey, at least that's probably what she wants to think. Jyn wonders if object permanence applies to babies themselves, too. Do they close their eyes and forget they exist. Is that why babies so rarely blink? These are the questions you ask when you're seriously sleep deprived.
"You have a very cute snore," she adds, closing her own eyes. Just for a second. To rest them.
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Cassian is not sure he's been called cute since he was a child. His hand stills on Rey while he processes this and resists the urge to tell her she has a cute face.
"I suppose that's better than an ugly snore." His voice is casual, but there's still a hint of something else there too - not shyness. Awkwardness, maybe, like he doesn't know what to do with a compliment even about something so innocent.
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"You're welcome, that I don't snore." She'd have known by now, but it's been noted how much of a silent sleeper she is, only the whisper of sheets and blankets when she moves.
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Still, if his fingers brush against hers while he's also cradling Rey, he's not going to call any attention to it. He's not going to move away either. "I'd have gotten used to it. It's surprising what one learns to sleep through."
Cassian is a very light sleeper, but it doesn't mean he can't separate the white noise from the dangerous noise.
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"You should put her to bed." Rey is obviously too young to worry about how co-sleeping will affect her and Jyn is The Absolute Worst about bringing Rey to bed with her in the middle of the night but. You know. She can have moments of being not completely wrapped around Rey's tiny little fingers.
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Cassian looks down at Rey, then back to Jyn. "I suppose she has, for now, reached the point of no return." The nice part about Rey's sleeping habits so far is that after she initially conks out, she generally stays asleep for at least an hour or two, no matter how much she gets shuffled around between parents or beds - provided she has those few moments to nestle into her dreams first.
Not that he really wants to stop laying here, but breaking the crib habit is a bad idea. Slowly, Cassian scoops up Rey into his arms and she fortunately stays a sleeping blob of a baby, unfazed in her slumber as her papa picks her up and shuffles carefully towards the edge of the bed. He stands up and waits anyway, making sure she's still out, then walks over towards the crib where he tucks her in. He stares at her in there for a few moments, always ready to marvel her existence even when she's literally only passed out uselessly.
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Instead of dwelling on it, she slips silently out of bed and tiptoes toward him, reaching out to take his hand with both of hers.
"If you keep staring at her, she's going to wake up. You know she's odd like that." She backs up, hands still holding his, every intention of dragging him out of the room if she has to, but she suspects he'll give into the logic of their odd little infant who sleeps through loud noises and being jostled about but not being stared at.
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When she starts to pull him, he puts up no real resistance, but he lets himself be dragged along anyway. He's always reluctant to leave Rey, but he knows he can't really stay and watch her all night. Besides, he kind of likes the way Jyn's fingers feel wrapped around his, so maybe any bit of slowness on his part is to get her to keep tugging him along.
"It's the only time she does not like our attention, apparently." Weirdo sleep baby senses.
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Tug tug, she keeps pulling him away from their daughter, right back into the living room where she releases his hand and drops down on the couch, trying not to think about how cold her hands feel now and how it's just the two of them now without the casual buffer of their beloved daughter.
It's not like they hang out. But if he sits next to her that is exactly what they'll be doing. Like a real couple. Jyn can't decide how she feels about that. She settles on fine because it's good for appearance's sake, even if no one can see them in the privacy of their own home.
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There's a certain level of fondness in his face as Jyn drags him into the living room, and he misses her touch when she lets him go. The natural follow up would be to sit down beside her, but it's not like they do that often, not like this, not when they're both in a good mood and feeling lighter than they have in ages.
He settles a hand on the back of the couch, raising an eyebrow and determined to keep the easiness a little longer. He's going to join her, he is! But first: "Do you still want that beer?"
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But she does like him.
She likes the way he is with their daughter, she likes his compassion and kindness towards her, she weirdly likes how engrossed he gets in his work and how much he breathes the Rebellion, even if she hates what the Rebellion is doing to the both of them. No one should have to live this kind of life.
"Cassian--" She starts, but stops herself. "No, I'm going to need a drink for this."
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