ohnofeelstho | spies and parents never sleep

Jyn not responding at all is sending strange alarms off in his head. Taia however doesn't seem bothered by the silence; her demeanor stays chill and friendly, even almost relaxed.

"It's also good to see you," she adds on with that same familiarity.

"Likewise." He fidgets, so subtle probably only Jyn would notice. After a moment, he settles a hand on her back. "This is my wife, Jyn, and our daughter."

Taia's eyes widen in surprise, but she looks delighted if not confused. "Life really did have other plans!"

Didn't it though.

Jyn feels stiff and awkward under Cassian's gentle touch. This unfairly beautiful woman knew Cassian before and looks so confused that he would be married and Jyn can only assume it's because of her. Maybe she's not Cassian's type. Why does that make her feel so off balance? They're not really married! They're coworkers, this is a job, the only thing that ties them together is the baby who has grabbed Jyn's crystal to gum on.

She settles a smile across her expression, stilted. "He really doesn't seem like the settling down type, does he?" Looking up at Cassian the smile comes a little easier, a little apologetic before she turns her attention back to Taia. "But he's like an old Alderaanian lady. He knits."

So many other plans. There are a lot of things happening in this conversation and Rey chewing on the crystal is the only part he likes. Instead of relaxing under his touch like he's gotten used to, Jyn is tense. It helps when she smiles at him.

Taia brightens once Jyn talks though, like she's glad to hear it. "He never wanted to settle before. Insisted it wasn't his thing! Didn't even want kids! But now look at this beautiful baby!"

Everyone loves Rey. Everyone.

"He only ever sewed around me," she adds with a grin like she's been brought in on a secret.

"It's similar in concept," he says with a sigh.

"You're old... friends?"

She was trying to be casual, but it came out less than casual and Jyn feels her discomfort only increase at her own stupidity. What is she being so stupid about! There is nothing to be possessive of. Kriff, if Cassian wanted to resume his friendship with this beautiful, friendly, gorgeous, tall woman... Jyn would have nothing to say.

They're not married.

He can do what he wants.

It's the question he least wanted asked and the one most obvious in wait. Jyn is very clearly uncomfortable but Cassian can do little to mitigate that right now.

Taia smiles gently, like she too wants to reassure. "A little more I'm afraid, but it's not like this one let it get very serious. Friends is fairly apt in the end." She looks back to Cassian and her expression looks more oops. "Sorry, I should have left that to you."

He sighs again, barely perceptible and drums his fingers on Jyn's back. That's the nicest way Taia could have said basically friends with benefits, because it isn't like Cassian ever allowed for a lot of romance. Casual dating? Maybe? He didn't love Taia. Why is this happening, he's married.

Fake married, but he still wants Jyn to be fine. "It was a couple years ago, before I left Coruscant."

"Before we met." Right before they met according to the timeline of their fake romance. Hell, this woman might have overlapped with the idea of Jyn. Maybe that's lucky because Jyn has learned how to lie, but not well enough to keep her discomfort under wraps. Cassian was sleeping with her while Jyn was in prison.

Oh.

She's jealous.

Luckily Rey yanks on Jyn's necklace had enough to make her jump, focus ripped from someone Cassian actually had a relationship with, however casual. "Rey, stop it." She tries to pry the crystal from Rey's tiny fingers in order to tuck the necklace back into her shirt, but the baby has it in a death grip and Jyn automatically looks up at Cassian. "Can you..."

Do something, Papa, while Jyn finally relaxes a little against him, murmuring something rude and exasperated about their daughter in Grange. At least this will always be hers.

"A while before we met," he clarifies, though he doesn't know why. Whatever he got up to before Jyn shouldn't matter within the confines of the mission but... it does. It matters to him that she understands, and it makes him anxious that he can't explain better yet.

Fortunately Rey chooses that moment to remind them all she exists, and Cassian lets out a puff of a laugh. He doesn't even think about the way he leans in, gently prying Rey's tiny fingers one by one off the crystal. "Don't choke your mama," he scolds, and Rey makes a grumpy face, trying to make a grab for the crystal as he holds it out of her reach. Without thinking, he pulls at the collar of Jyn's shirt and drops the necklace inside.

Taia softly sighs, clutching a hand to her heart as Rey throws her tiny tantrum. "She is so cute, Cassian."

He kisses her forehead and she gurgles grumpily. "I might be biased to agree."

Barely before they met in the story of their relationship. It shouldn't matter, it doesn't matter, but she doesn't like it.

"She's something," Jyn vaguely agrees, shifting Rey to the opposite hip so she can stare at her Papa like she prefers, kicking her feet unhappily. She has no toys anymore and no one is playing with her specifically so she thinks this is stupid, babbling unhappy noises at her parents, tiny little hands curled into fists.

How dare they.

Cassian can tell Jyn doesn't like it, which leaves him with a lot to unpack, but he's too busy trying to manage the current conversation first.

"Ooooh, look at her little grumpy face!" Taia coos, letting out a chime of laughs.

Rey looks over at the sound of the strange laugh, and she blows another spit bubble in her direction. Taia just laughs again, utterly charmed, while Rey keeps kicking her feet in a huff against Jyn and starts shaking her arms.

"Did you bring her tooka?" It's the quickest solution to staving off further frustration. He runs his hand over her tiny head, and she smacks his wrist with her still fisted hands. She babbles at him with gumption, staring tunnel visioned at her papa.

"And have her fling it off the monorail to its death? Of course I didn't bring it." She realizes too late that her tone is too sharp, too short, and she breathes out a sigh, rubbing her forehead. She should apologize, especially in front of Cassian's friend.

She doesn't.

Instead she bounces Rey on her hip, rubbing her back, frowning. "I'll take her home so you two can catch up." Slapping a smile on her face, she turns to Taia. "It was nice to meet you. You're more than welcome to come for dinner, although I can't cook so it'll be be something from the grocer's on the way home."

It's fine, she's fine.

He stiffens at her tone. It's not the first time she's snapped at him, but they tend to reserve that for private. Each thing she says pinches his chest, and his face falls when she announces her departure with Rey.

Taia seems to sense something awkward going on, staying quiet save for when Jyn addresses her. She offers her own smile, polite but wry. "I'm afraid I'm only here for business, so I may have to decline this evening, but thank you. It was lovely to meet you too, Jyn."

Cassian just looks like he wants to reach out for them, and Rey fusses when the distance between her and her papa grows. "I'll bring something home," he says a little weakly. He wants to argue for her to stay, but he knows that's a bad idea.

She's not fine. He's not sure he is either.

Jyn at the very least makes Rey wave to Cassian before she turns to leave, tucking Rey into the carrier as she goes. Rey's wails of displeasure travel back through the hangar before the door slams shut behind them.

Once home Jyn manages to settle her with a bath but when she tries to get her out, Rey kicks off again and Jyn decides that this isn't a battle she cares about winning so Rey gets to stay in the bath until she decides she wants to get out. Which is fine, Jyn tugs her out for a few minutes to make a cup of tea, holding her all sopping wet against her chest regardless of how wet she's getting herself, and then they just hang out in the bathroom. Rey splashes in the tub, babbling at the bubbly water in delight, and Jyn sips her tea as she leans against the vanity.

Occasionally Rey will bleat for attention and Jyn will tell her a story, telling Rey all about the adventures she went on with her own mother and about all the planets she's seen. "You'll see it one day, starshine. It's cold, but the water is so blue, like the planet has two skies."

Taia does not stick around much longer; she really is on business in the hangar, and she apologizes several times over for causing any sort of rift. Cassian just feels strange talking to her, with little desire to reconnect even as friends. He just feels too different now.

Still, he doesn't come home until dinner time because of work. True to his word, he does bring with him a bag of take out. He comes inside quietly, listening and hearing wife and daughter in the bathroom.

He stops outside the door to hear Jyn talking about her mother, about some far off planet, and his heart sinks again with guilt. Never before now has he felt so strongly about Jyn and Rey getting to leave Coruscant, even if he had to stay behind.

Cassian raps gently on the doorframe after another few moments. "I have food," he says quietly, hoping his voice doesn't carry to interrupt whatever rapport Jyn has with Rey.

Rey shrieks in delight when she hears Cassian and Jyn stretches out to peel the door open so Rey can see her father too. She squeals more, splashing so much she nearly tips over before Jyn snaps her hand out to steady her.

"Come on in, she doesn't want to leave." Jyn gestures to her tea as if it's evidence that one of them isn't moving anytime soon. At least her shirt is starting to dry, so there's that.

She looks up at Cassian as Rey continues to happily babble. "Did you enjoy your reunion? She's very pretty." Which has nothing to do with the point or even the question, but there it is. She was very gorgeous and tall and delightful and it's fine. Jyn's fine. Cassian deserves someone gorgeous and tall and delightful.

Even with the weirdness, Rey's happy shriek for him teases a smile on his face. He sets the food outside the door before coming inside, smiling softly at his daughter who apparently just wants to splash into infinity.

It fades a little, when Jyn brings it all up again, but he still tickles under Rey's chin. Jyn is prettier, he thinks, startled by the thought and how much he'd argue it. "She left, about ten minutes after you did."

Rey kicks some water at his shirt gleefully. He feels like he needs to explain a lot but he doesn't really know where to start. Instead he just splashes some of the water at Rey's belly and she giggles. "You're going to turn into a prune."

"Oh? I thought she would stay longer. To visit." Not that Jyn had imagined them all tangled up and sweaty on Cassian's workbench or anything, a tangle of brown limbs, Taia's long hair all mussed and sexily tousled with her head tipped back as Cassian peppered kisses across her chest.

Jyn takes a sip of her now cold tea, idly smoothing down her messy bun, tucking her disheveled hair behind her ears. Her hands both settle around the mug as she watches Cassian with their daughter, frown settling on her expression.

"She could have stayed, if you wanted her to. I wouldn't mind." She clearly doesn't mean that Taia could have stayed, she means that if Cassian wanted to reignite their casual friends with benefits arrangement Jyn wouldn't had said anything. She has no right to say anything. People cheat on their spouses all the time and it's not like she and Cassian are actually married.

Cassian steals a glance at her with her tea, distracted from the way Rey keeps playing in the tub. His shirt gets wetter, but he doesn't even seem to notice. To visit indeed. "It was business. She was not even aware I was there at first."

He frowns as he looks back to Rey, because he does know what she means. It hurts a little, the assumption that he could or would easily go back to Taia, and some of that shows on his face. Not even that he would jeopardize the mission, but that he would when Jyn -

When Jyn what? They're not really married. But the idea that he would do that, go off and pretend Jyn and Rey and their life wasn't there still stings. She'd said she was glad it was him, but he supposes it doesn't mean she has to have a high opinion of him. "I didn't want her to."

"Why not?"

Gulp. Jyn coughs, choking on a bit of her tea she swallowed down wrong because she didn't mean to ask that, she meant to say something entirely different and instead that came out, sounding confused and maybe a little hopeful before she's consumed with horror.

"I only meant-- Well, we're not really married, are we? The job shouldn't stop you from getting what you need and Rey sleeps through the night now so there isn't any pressing reason for us both to be here at night if you wanted to pursue... that." She sets her mug on the toilet. "Just because we're here doesn't mean you don't deserve to have a life or to relax for once, especially now that everything is settling."

One of them deserves it at least, and Jyn thinks Cassian's given up more for this mission than she has.

Cassian looks back at her again, surprised by the question but it all makes him sad too. His life is them. It's Jyn and Rey and maybe it's not conventional, but he can't imagine them not in it. He can't imagine not being here at night.

"I don't need sex." He doesn't know what he needs, except maybe just whatever pieces of happiness he can get carved out of this life. Maybe just Rey is enough for Jyn's.

"What I deserve does not often line up with what I can have." He leans down and kisses Rey's forehead, and she claps her hands against his face, wrinkling her nose when her soft hands brush over his stubble. He probably doesn't deserve Rey either. "I don't want Taia. I have not for years. I'm sorry if I gave you that impression."

Automatic, the sight of Cassian playing with their daughter tugs a smile on to her mouth, but it doesn't last very long, even if her expression stays less sharp after his apology.

"You don't need to apologize. It's not like-- It was before, it's irrelevant, I was just startled. I shouldn't have snapped at you." As much as an apology as Jyn ever does, she sounds apologetic enough to convey the sentiment without the words.

Quietly, she adds: "What do you want?"

He looks over his shoulder at her warily, the pseudo apology ringing in his ears. Her quiet question is a loaded one he doesn't have an answer to. At least not one he feels like he can share.

"I want this one to get out of the bath." And he scoops his hands under Rey's arms to lift her from the tub. She shrieks with surprise, but doesn't seem bothered to be out of the water and in her papa's hold instead.

Avoidance strikes again, ayyy.

Oh.

Whatever hope that had quietly flared to life is snuffed out immediately and Jyn feels stupid for asking in the first place. What else was she expecting? She knows this is only for show, it's a farce and a job and the only thing between them is the solidarity of being stuck in the same position, a sort of workplace friendship.

Jyn smiles at Rey's cheerful noises, passing over the towel as she pushes to her feet. "If you've got her, I'm going to take a break. Her pajamas are on the dresser with her tooka."

It's dinner time, not sleep time, but Jyn just wants to hide under the safety of the covers for a little while. At least as long as it takes for Cassian to decide she has to eat and beckons her back into the living room. She drops a kiss on Rey's head before slipping out of the bathroom.

He doesn't notice the way Jyn deflates, too consumed with trying to ignore his own feelings by drowning in Rey's existence. Her turn of phrase makes him frown though, because it seems like a backslide. Take a break. Switching off all over again. But he nods anyway, resisting the urge to kiss Jyn's forehead when she kisses Rey's.

Cassian busies himself with drying off Rey, turning it into a game while he gets her in her pajamas and talks nonsense at her. She eagerly starts to gnaw on the tooka when he offers it, and in a few minutes after dumping the tub water and cleaning up most of the mess, Cassian hoists Rey at his hip and finally leaves the bathroom too.

Jyn's a lump under the blankets when he steps out, and against the temptation otherwise, he lets her stay there while he scoops up the bag of food and takes both it and daughter into the kitchen to putter around. He pulls out plates and forks and starts to boil up some water for a bottle, Rey kicking her legs idly as she watches all the motions.

Jyn doesn't actually linger very long, enough to gather herself, before she comes back into the apartment proper (she'd changed her shirt and it's Cassian's but that's irrelevant). She has one of their thinner blankets around her shoulders like a cape and she tiptoes over to Cassian and Rey, draping the blanket over the three of them like a tent, right in the middle of what Cassian is doing, all so she can pepper kisses over Rey's face to her utter, giggly delight.

From under the blankets she's still holding up, she looks up at Cassian, frown turning her mouth down.

"I... am sorry. For being..." Snippy, snappy, herself. "I wasn't expecting to run into your past like that. Especially since your past is so kriffing gorgeous, like. How is that a real person, honestly. People don't look like that."

He hears her coming, but his hands are full and he's maybe still a little down, so he doesn't look at her and the blanket over all their heads is a surprise. He shifts to find her face immediately, going fond over the way she drowns Rey in affection.

But when Jyn looks up at him, he can't help but meet her gaze. His own frown comes back too.

"It's not like I was expecting it either. It's okay." She's wearing his shirt and he's trying to pretend it's nothing, like always. "We were never serious. I was never going to -" He has no reason to ask, because his past is irrelevant to them now and the mission, but the blanket draped over their heads almost makes everything feel real. He doesn't know why he's nervous, but Rey chattering between them is soothing, and he looks down at her instead of Jyn. "Did you really think I would go to her like that?"

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