your memories of a girl at seventeen become as real and vivid as the middle-aged woman sitting in front of you. it is a happy sort of double vision, this seeing and remembering. to be seen this way is to be known.
It's weird being back in her hometown.
It doesn't feel like it's even her home anymore. Her mother is dead, Saw is dead, now her father is dead, gone mere moments after her hand curled around his on the hospital bed. She has Bodhi, she supposes. The rest of her school friends, most of whom she hasn't seen in years since she escaped into college and barely looked back. She'd seen everyone at the funeral, even Cassian, surprised at how well her school friends dressed up in dark wool and shined shoes. The outpouring of kindness should have made her feel better, but it didn't.
She doesn't know if she should even be accepting condolences for her father when she hadn't seen or spoken to him in over a decade.
It had been a nice service and then she slept until the next morning, rolling out of bed still in her black dress and changing into worn pants and an old flannel and a hoodie unearthed from the back of her closet before stumbling out of the farm house in search of coffee. It's not a huge town, it doesn't take long to follow the path to the coffee shop.
Having seen Cassian at the funeral, having even spoken to him very briefly, she isn't overly startled when she finds herself behind him in line, pushing her hair back from her face and huffing out a tired sigh before she pipes up, "Hey Andor."
Cassian had not exactly meant to end up back in his hometown either, but that's where his abuelita lives, and he knew from the day he brought her home that he wouldn't be able to raise Sofia without some kind of support network. So he moved home when she was three months old, done with school and done with the military and her mother back off to school.
When it gets back to him that Jyn comes home because of her father's deteriorating health, it makes him a little nervous and if he avoids all his friends for a while, he definitely puts the blame on Sofia.
He spoke to Jyn very quickly at the funeral, but could hardly expect her to carry on any sort of real conversation to play catch up, and part of him wondered if he'd get to see her again before she left. It worries him what she would think of him now.
He's completely blindsided when he hears her voice behind him, tired but just as welcome a sound. He knew he should have stocked up on coffee the other day, but no, the coffee shop had to be close to his house. He supposes there's no real smooth way to handle this, so he just draws in a breath and turns to look at her with a tired smile on his face, with Sofia tucked into one arm and gnawing on a tiny stuffed whale. "Hello, Jyn."
She is tiny and dark haired and shares his complexion, and she blinks up at Jyn with his eyes too. His genes definitely dominated that race.
Without any sort of conscious effort on Jyn's part, she returns his smile with one of her own. She's still smiling when she notices the little baby tucked into his arms and it doesn't go away immediately eyes brightening because there's a baby.
Look at her big cheeks and her quizzical expression at this new person in her line of sight, her delicate little fingers clutching the whale, tiny little nose and tiny little mouth and, gosh, a little Rosie the Riveter bandana headband holding back her wisps of dark hair. Jyn's completely enamored with her.
And then it hits her at once.
Cassian is holding a baby that looks like she could be his little clone. Does he have a baby? That's silly, someone would have told her. Right? Someone would have told her if Cassian had a child, that would have been prime information to share. She would have known. Her eyes flicker to his hand, but she isn't sure he would be the type to wear a wedding ring anyway so maybe the lack of one tells her nothing.
She feels suddenly nauseated, but she pushes it down, snapping her mouth shut when she realizes it's open in surprise. She doesn't know what to say to Cassian so she addresses the baby instead, the person that can't say anything to her in return, reaching out to give her whale a little tug before her hand falls. "Did you know that Beluga whales chirp? Like canaries."
Oh no, she still has such a good smile, and it's an instinctive genuine one, at him. She looks even brighter for a second when she looks at his baby, and his stomach sort of rolls over but he's not sure it's in a good way.
Cassian holds his smile, still tired but still a real one, even as he watches her face slowly deflate. It's quiet, not obvious, and he's a little surprised he can still tell after all these years. He doesn't miss the way she looks at his hand either. She didn't know, but it's not a surprise. He certainly hadn't announced it anywhere, and half his friends hadn't even known till he was back.
Sofia shakes her little fist when Jyn rudely tries to steal her toy, and she lets out a trill of a noise. It could be a chirp. Maybe she wants to be a whale. "Did you hear that?" he says to her sweetly, and she tilts her head to look up at him, chewing aggressively on her beluga. "We'll have to let you listen to the sound. Do you want to?"
She answers him with another trill, but then looks back at Jyn because hello new person, you are clearly very interesting. She lets out a short string of sounds that is clearly meant to be a conversation.
Cassian hefts her up a little. "Should I translate for you?" She drools a little in affirmation. "This is Sofia," he says, voice quieter and maybe, definitely, probably weirdly nervous.
He says we and Jyn's heart sinks even though it's been literal years since they last saw each other, much less dated. Jyn was there when he enlisted and when he graduated basic training in his crisp uniform, because as much as she hated his choice she's always loved him and she wanted to support him as a friend. After that the excuses came so easily and university gave her the chance to run away and she took every chance.
"Hello Sofia." Jyn carefully coaxes her fist open with little tickles against her fingers, taking her hand in a formal handshake. When the baby grabs her finger she doesn't even try to tug it back. And because it's Cassian's daughter, fuck that's insane!, she adds, accent far better than it ever was in high school: "Encantada, ballenita."
Her eyes flicker back up to Cassian, still obviously fumbling with even the idea of accepting that Cassian has a baby, a daughter. What the actual fuck. Who the actual fuck. She does not ask, she will not ask, she doesn't want to know.
"No one told me, I would have sent a gift home. There's so many sweet baby toys in Peru." She'd escaped to where she was happy, even if that happiness was when she was three, exploring the mountains with her mother.
He abruptly realizes why her sweatshirt looks so familiar. It's his. He thought he'd lost it ages and ages ago, or maybe his grandma buried it away in a box. But no, there it is, worn and now fitted to Jyn instead of him.
"This is Jyn, mija." A beat. "Though ballenacita might be the better word." He's going to steal it, what the fuck that's the best name for his whale obsessed child. Sofia is so utterly delighted to be holding Jyn's finger that she opens her mouth to laugh, dropping the whale. Her delight morphs into shock, but Cassian grabs it before it drops to the ground and she stuffs it back her mouth eagerly. She squeezes Jyn's finger in victory and gurgles on it.
Peru. He knew she was in Peru, thanks to Leia who always seemed to know everything. "I didn't tell anyone, for a while," he admits. He loves Sofia with his whole heart but there was something very final about sharing it around. A bookend to one part of his life. He likes that it's been a quiet thing.
Jyn's Spanish is so much better over all. He's kind of impressed. He supposes being in Peru for that long would have had some good effect on it. How can it have been years since he's seen her? "I only moved back here a few months ago."
Cassian and Jyn spent about three days texting back and forth about Bodhi and Luke's party. Not constantly, but in intervals, trying to decide if they actually wanted to go while deep down knowing they were definitely going. Bodhi even made sure the party started early enough for Cassian to bring Sofia for a little while.
Which is how he ends up arriving a half hour late, because the old days of punctuality are meaningless when you have a ten/eleven month old baby who doesn't give a fuck. Two sidenotes: he can't believe she's going to be one very very soon, and he can't believe this is her first Christmas already. She's adorable though, with a tiny little santa hat on her head and pants with reindeer and a red and green polka dot shirt. As soon as Luke lets them inside, she's completely enamored by all the decorations, because the two of them go all out.
He immediately finds himself looking for Jyn, even though he gets bombarded by a string of familiar faces eager to get a peak at the elusive father and baby. Shara and Kes coo over her, but Cassian knows they've been thinking about having their own soon, so he even lets them both hold her for a little while while they do a quick round of catch up small talk. Leia drags Han over and swoons, tickling her feet and playing games. Bodhi brings him a peace offering of hot cocoa buried with marshmallows and takes charge of her until he sips it enough that she won't spill it should she knock into it. Luke seems to sense there's been one too many people and settles for kissing her quickly on the head and telling Cassian he's glad to see them both.
He finally gets a breather, making his way over to the Christmas tree so Sofia can stare at the lights to occupy herself for a few minutes. The rush for baby time is Over. Not that he really minds, or he wouldn't have relinquished his hold on her, but it's always strange to be reminded of how aware most of his old friends have gotten of his new shared existence.
Jyn isn't late, honestly. She'd come early and immediately been overwhelmed with the amount of old friends at once and tucked herself into the guest room to pull herself together. She doesn't appear again until Luke comes to find her and casually mentions that Cassian and Sofia have arrived if she wants to see them. She knows what he's angling at, but Luke does it in such a gentle, calm way that it doesn't upset her.
Her hair is kind of a mess and her over large sweater is threatening to fall off one shoulder, already practically devouring her short (wrinkled) black dress, but at least she kind of dressed up. She's wearing green converse, that's festive.
"I believe this present belongs to me," she says, reaching out to scoop Sofia into her arms, burying her face in the baby's belly until she explodes into riotous giggles. Once that's achieved, Jyn tucks the baby easily on to her hip between her and Cassian, so she can still see the tree and still reach her Papa. Jyn knows how to cater to a Daddy's girl, after all those years being without her own.
"Feliz navidad, Captain." Sofia rips off her little hat and throws it on the floor with what looks like utter glee. "And you, ballenacita."
He definitely does not double take when he finally spots Jyn, because dresses are a little rare, and her look is very rumpled, but it's very Jyn and very...cute. She looks cute. His pants are definitely wrinkled too because he ran out of time before he could iron them, but his red sweater/grey collared shirt combo is nice enough. Until Sofia spits up on it, he's sure.
He's gotten so used to Jyn scooping away Sofia that he barely even bats an eye, just smiles at the baby's brief startled face before she realizes who's grabbed her. His heart melts a little watching the way Jyn plays, the way Sofia giggles, but fortunately the stupid lovestruck look on his face is gone by the time Jyn settles the baby at her hip.
"Feliz Navidad, Jyn." He leans down to pick up the hat, but doesn't bother putting it back on yet. Sofia turns back to the tree victoriously and reaches out for it, but it's just out of reach. When she realizes she can't touch it, she smacks her tiny hand at her papa instead and he grabs her tiny fingers to kiss them. "She is so excited for her first Christmas. Aren't you, mija?"
Cassian is definitely excited too, although that's hardly a secret at this point. He's honestly the more excited party here, but he can pretend otherwise.
The smile that blooms at Cassian's affection of his daughter is easy and natural, but it comes with the familiar sadness that settles in her eyes. It'd be easier, she thinks, if her father hadn't just died, but she'd always be a little bit sad seeing a father and daughter because even if Galen were still alive, she'd still be missing Saw.
"Are you sure it's Sofia who is excited? It's not someone else? Like say... gosh, maybe you?" Jyn's never been one to get excited about the holidays, any holiday, and this year is shaping up to be just as unfulfilling as the rest of them, but at least she gets a cute little distraction.
Probably.
"Does she have plans with her mom?" Bringing up Sofia's mom feels awkward, considering Jyn's lowkey jealous of her and has been since she realized Cassian had a relationship with someone long enough to make a baby, but at the same time... if he's leaving to visit or if she's coming to visit, Jyn would like to know so she won't stop by the house at random when he's not even home or steal food from his fridge that he was saving for her.
"How could you look at her face and not see excitement?" He pokes Sofia's cheek and she shakes her head, gnawing her free hand while she gets distracted by the twinkling tree lights. Okay, bad time for that, because her giggles have partially faded even if she still has half a smile on her face.
"Fine, it's mostly me," he admits with a fake sigh. He takes advantage of her distraction to put the hat back on her head, and she seems oblivious. For now.
Cassian can always feel the awkwardness from Jyn whenever she brings up Marisol, no matter how many times he has told her about how completely not serious they were. She's only seen Sofia once since he moved back home.
"I am not sure yet." He doesn't sound particularly annoyed about this though. "She said her family always goes away for the holidays, and she seems to be waiting for permission to go with them." A beat. "From me, she wants to make sure it's okay with me. Right now Sofia's only plans are to eat her first Abuelita Christmas dinner."
"Don't keep her waiting," Jyn gently chides. She doesn't get a say in anything Cassian does, but she does think that maybe he should not leave her hanging any longer than he has to, that's just being polite.
Shifting slightly, Jyn lifts her hand to adjust the little hat and Sofia decides that means it's time to rest her head against Jyn's shoulder instead while she stares at the twinkling lights. Which leaves Jyn's hand hovering in the air briefly, struck stupid by the baby's sweet, guileless affection. Oh no. When her brain fires again, she settles her hand on Sofia's back and gently cradles her against her chest.
Help.
Abuelita's dinner though, Sofia is a lucky baby. Hopefully she makes enough street corn and tamales that Jyn can steal the leftovers the next day.
Cassian is looking up trains home for the holidays when his phone rings. He does a double take when he sees it’s Marisol, and stares at it while it keeps ringing. They’ve been broken up for months now, amicably, and they’ve even sent a text back and forth once in a while to check in, but she hasn’t called him in ages.
He scrambles to answer before it goes to voicemail, because his gut is telling him this is important. “Bueno? Marisol? Is everything okay?”
She’s very quiet on the other end for longer than necessary, before finally breathing out, “Hi. Sorry. Is this a bad time?”
“Even if it was, I am going to be wondering what’s wrong until you tell me regardless.”
She laughs, but it sounds tired. “You can’t even see me and you still know. It’s important though. You’re going to want to meet up sometime, but that’s okay, we should.”
“You know I hate when you are cryptic.”
They broke up mutually. Cassian liked Marisol, but he didn’t love her, and she didn’t love him. They were casual together, a way to let out some steam while they both finished out their final semester in undergrad. A little more than friends with benefits, but never very serious because their lives were going to go in different directions and they both knew that. She was set for grad school. He was ready for the work force, military completely behind him now that school was done. He didn’t want to owe them anything else to keep going to school. She was his friend though, however little of them Cassian continued to have, and she always dragged things out just to annoy him.
“Cassian, I’m pregnant.”
Not this time. She manages to render him speechless. It feels like the air gets sucked out of the room. He looks at the calendar, like he needs to double check the fact that it’s December, because they broke up months ago. Before summer. She literally has no reason to tell him this, unless –
“It’s mine?”
“Yes,” she says faintly, almost ashamed.
He can hear her idly tapping a pen on the other end while reality crashes down around him. His brain immediately starts to think in overdrive, to give it any kind of logical explanation, but he shuts it down. There’s a reason she’s telling him so late. There has to be.
“I’m sorry,” she says about a minute later, voice even quieter. “You probably have a thousand questions. I can answer them. I owe you that much.”
“Are you still in the city?”
“I’m home right now, with parents.” She lets out another laugh, but this one sounds almost bitter. “I’m coming back after the holidays. I want to see you, if that’s all right.”
“I cannot possibly wait that long to talk about this, Marisol.”
“No, no, I wouldn’t – no. We can talk now. I had to at least tell you now before it got any later. She’s due in early February.”
Cassian can hear his own voice match that quiet. “It’s a girl?”
She pauses. “Yes. God, Cassian, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner – it’s a whole thing. It’s a mess. I should have told you. My parents didn’t want me to tell you, but she could theoretically come any minute now, and I just realized – it’s not fair. No matter what they said to me, it wouldn’t be fair.”
“Marisol, one thing at a time.” It’s firm. Not just for her own sake, but for his. He can put together some of the pieces, but he – he has a daughter on the way, he needs to know everything? He can barely wrap his head around the first part, he should tell her he’ll call her back in a little bit, but what good will it do? He’ll have all the same questions. Without any basis, it’ll just drive him crazier.
“I found out in June. I wasn’t even – I didn’t want to keep it,” she says in that same faint, almost ashamed voice. “I wanted to go to school. I never wanted to be a mother. But my parents convinced me to carry it through and said I could give it up for adoption. It was really persuasive.”
He’s never met her parents, but from everything she’s ever told him about them, he isn’t surprised. They’re older, affluent, children of wealthy immigrants who fled Cuba before Castro took over. Old school and religiously conservative.
“They told me if I wasn’t going to keep it, there was no point in even telling you. So I didn’t. I’m sorry.”
Cassian lost his parents very young, but he always had his grandmother. He can’t imagine her trying to keep that level of control over something that big, no matter how much the Andors like being able to control the situation to their best abilities. Abuelita is always on his side in a very different way Marisol’s parents support her. He knew long ago he was not the sort of person they’d approve of, no wonder they wouldn’t want him to know. He’d always hoped Marisol would be able to fully get out from under their thumb.
“Why are you telling me now?” She’s got barely two months left. All summer, all fall, she’d been pregnant with his child and he had no idea. He wouldn’t know, if she hadn’t made the decision to call him. It’s making him dizzy.
“It was wrong not to tell you. I should have done that first, before I even told my parents. But I panicked. I thought I was just going to… get rid of it.”
“That still does not answer my question.”
She’s quiet for a few moments. “I’m not keeping her. I can’t. Maybe that makes me terrible, but I can’t do it. I never wanted this.”
He hesitates. “Do you… want me to?”
“No! That’s not it either. It just… wasn’t fair, for you not to know. I would never drop this on you with the expectation you’ll just take her off my hands, but – she’s yours too. And if you do want her… it wasn’t fair of me to try and keep that choice away from you. My parents are going to be so mad, when they realize I’ve told you.”
If you do want her.
Deep down, he already knows what the answer is.
“I want to see you, when you get back to town. Please.”
“Of course, Cassian.” She pauses, sounding awkward even before she speaks up again. “I have another doctor’s appointment after the new year, if you want to come.”
“I… I don’t know. Maybe. I cannot possibly figure that out right now.”
“Sorry, I know. I’m going to be saying infinite sorries, so don’t tell me to stop.”
He’s very rarely at a loss for words, but that’s the second time since he answered the phone that they fail him. Marisol is pregnant. He did it. He pinches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes shut, but she seems to sense his need for silence and gives it. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, and it’s not like his thought process gets any more cohesive.
They talk idly a little more, before Marisol’s parents beckon and she promises to call back, to plan for a meet up after the holidays. They’re only going to Aruba this year, on account of her being over seven months pregnant, and he remembers he hates rich people.
He tells Abuelita when he goes home for Christmas, expecting chastisement. Instead she just hugs him and Cassian lets himself be held. One week after the holidays, he and Marisol meet up for coffee, and he tells her he wants to keep the baby.
His parents died when he was a child, and he can’t seem to bear the thought of this little girl out there, knowing someone had given her up. He doesn’t tell Marisol that. She offers him a small, sad smile, and only says, “I thought you might,” before they dive into logistics. Turns out their break up isn’t going to keep them completely apart in life anyway.
Less than a month later, Marisol gives birth to a healthy daughter. She comes one week early at the end of January, which his grandmother tells him is very normal of all the Andor women. Cassian names her Sofia Carina Andor, despite abuelita tsking about a lack of her mother’s name. He exchanges only a handful of words with Marisol’s parents, who seem to be there more for legal and financial reasons and regard him with suspicion the whole time. Abuelita definitely look ready to throw her shoe at them, but fortunately they are both distracted by the tiny newborn baby. His grandmother falls in love immediately, and Cassian knows he’s not going to stay here in the city. He cradles Sofia in his arms and has never been more in love with a person. In barely two months, Cassian’s entire life has flipped upside down.
He is granted full custody exactly one week and three days after she comes home from the hospital with him, and he nearly falls asleep on the drive over to the courthouse, grateful for Kay playing chauffeur, as well as playing at a great number of other things. His friend reminds him over and over that he should really tell some of his other friends sometime soon, but Cassian just keeps insisting he’ll do it another time, not now.
Three months later, he moves back home with a rental car full of baby things, with Kay right behind him in another car full of both their things. No one but his grandmother knows he’s even coming. It’s a long drive made longer by all the baby pitstops. Cassian Andor comes home over ten years after he left, only now he comes packaged in with a mini me.
She's coming home today after over two long months, he's very excited and nervous, and the house is a complete disaster. Cassian is fully moved in, at least in the sense of all his things are now located in her house and he lives there, but he's still got about one third of his boxes to unpack. It's been that way since the beginning of April. He used to be so much better at organization (almost neurotically so), but Sofia makes it a challenge, one he's not always energetic enough to complete by the time she's sleeping. She likes to play on two of the boxes, so he's sort of left them in the living room for last, but the rest are at least in his room (their room), mostly just clothes and old college things he doesn't need in the immediate.
He's got empty bottles sitting in the sink (with some fresh full ones also in the fridge), and one of the cabinet shelves is full of formula. There are stuffed whales scattered in various rooms across the house. Sofia is walking eagerly now, and she likes to take her whales with her everywhere, but she also has a habit of getting bored and just abandoning them, until the next hour when she can't find what she wants and cries about it. On top of the whales, there are other various toys and other baby paraphernalia that he tries to kick off to the side when Jyn texts him that she's on her way from the airport, things he put off cleaning for too long, and now Sofia's too wound up for him to do much more than that. He can at least give Jyn a path through her own house. Something he should have done, like, a week ago, and yet here he is.
There's a swing in one of the doorways, and the high-chair in the kitchen is still covered in veggies from lunch time. There's baby gates in appropriate places (like the stairs), there's childproof locks on drawers, there's a playpen tucked away in the corner of the living room. Everything has been sufficiently baby-fied. The dolls from Peru are resting under a blanket on the fluffy rug, because that's where Sofia likes to keep them.
But Jyn's house is also a mess, and she's going to make fun of him. Like she knows, Sofia makes a beeline for the pile right beside the couch and immediately shoves her hands in, looking for something very specific. She throws one of the blocks over her shoulder and it rolls in front of the door, but then she sees one of Cassian's shoes tucked near to the block and decides that will be her toy. Forget literally every other toy, it is now sneaker time.
He only realizes she's grabbed it when he's scooping up a bottle and a plate from the coffee table and she's running for the kitchen with a gleeful giggle dragging the shoe by the shoelace. He follows after her and finds her sitting on the cool tiles, gnawing on one of the laces while she smacks the other one at a chair leg.
In all honesty, Jyn should have texted him sooner but she'd forgotten to do so until she and Bodhi were only a few minutes out of town. Really she forgets until Bodhi nudges her awake in the car and reminds her to text him that she's on the way. Not because it's not her house, he assures her, but because she said she would after they got dinner.
(The ended up getting Taco Bell and eating in the car but that counts.)
Bodhi swings by the Sonic in town and she grabs a soda and a hot dog because she's still hungry and she's still eating it when he pulls up in front of the farmhouse and dumps her bags out of the car. He offers to bring them inside for her, but Jyn shakes him off, thanking him profusely for picking her up and promising she'll come by in the next couple of days for the fruit pizza he's been teasing her with for weeks. She drops the bags on the porch and lets herself in to her house, smiling at the sounds of movement inside. She's never come home to someone waiting for her.
Hot dog and drink still in hand, she nudges the door open and slips through, kicking it shut behind her.
He hears the door open in the midst of strategizing the best way to get the sneaker from his daughter without setting her off, and two seconds later Jyn's voice fills the house.
I'm home!
His stomach rolls over like he's a fucking teenager, as though he isn't having a staredown with his nearly fifteen month old child. Jyn is home. He feels giddy, which is stupid. But she's been gone for what feels like forever, which is also stupid because he'd gone years without seeing her before. Sofia looks towards the sound, eyebrows scrunched in vague recognition, but her grip tightens on the shoe like it's a trick, using Jyn's voice to lure her away from her new favorite thing.
He wants to scoop Sofia up and bolt into the living room, but his hands are still full of dirty dishes, so he hurries to the sink and comes up with a halfway plan as he does. He's definitely luring someone, but it's not his baby. "We are in the kitchen!"
She looks at her father when he calls out, then looks back out in Jyn's vague direction. She bleats out a questioning sound and smacks the shoelace against the chair again.
He beams at her, letting his face light up in the excitement he feels. "Do you know who that is, mija? Should we go say hello?"
Jyn doesn't need to be told twice, toeing off her converse and kicking them toward the closet before she ambles through her house, navigating between baby junk and furniture until she winds up in the kitchen. She steps through the threshold and sees little Sofia sitting on the floor and it's like her heart explodes. The plastic cup of soda makes a crackling noise as her fingers tighten against it. She's never come home to anyone, not like this, not since Saw, and it is the best thing she has ever felt in her entire life.
She leans against the doorframe, trying for casual and gesturing idly with the half eaten hot dog. "Well hi, fancy meeting you here."
It's as casual as she can manage with an enormous grin lighting up her expression. This is truly the happiest of clams, right here. She would have come home so much more often if this was waiting for her. Immediately she knows going back to work is going to be so much harder now that she has gotten a taste of the homecoming.
Cassian looks kind of starstruck when Jyn comes into the kitchen, even if she's just leaning cool and casual against the door frame with a hot dog in hand. It is hands down one of the best things he's seen? She came home, to him, to Sofia, and her face looks as thrilled as his.
"Hi," he gets out, stumbling over what kind of verbal welcome to give her. "Someone broke in to your house."
Sofia has her own ideas. She shrieks a laugh once her brain realizes it's Jyn standing in the doorway, and she gleefully abandons the shoe, using the chair to pull herself up and stomp her little feet all the way over. She grabs at Jyn's pants and smacks her leg, laughing while she does a weird little squat dance in her delight at being in Jyn's presence again.
Cassian's heart basically dissolves, but it's fine, he's fine. His two favorite people in the world, help him. He'll go over to greet her for real in a second, but his baby is dancing with his girlfriend and that's pretty great.
Jyn's hands are full! Quickly, she shoves the last of the hot dog in her mouth, looking like a chipmunk, so she can bend down and scoop Sofia right off her feet with one arm, sweeping her up into her arms before she takes the couple steps forward to set her drink on the table. Immediately her arm curls around the little girl, ducking her head to press kisses across her face.
"Oh I missed you so much, my little whale. You've gotten so big!" Whatever else she murmurs to the baby is muffled against soft baby skin as Jyn buries her face against Sofia's neck, holding her tight and breathing in that baby scent of soap and powder.
Cassian can't figure out if their arrival is timed neatly to Jyn's outing or just a very unhappy coincidence. He takes great pleasure in imagining her no holds barred anger, but he supposes it's better in the end that she wasn't around when they told him they were going to be seeking custody of his daughter.
Marisol's parents want their granddaughter. He doesn't get why. They were perfectly willing to let her be put up for adoption! They haven't even seen her since the court date where he was given full custody in the first place! He manages to be outwardly calm for the whole conversation, even if his tone is like ice, his gaze on the cusp of a constant glare. They seem to recognize how furious he is, but they're cold and stiff and Cassian wants to punch them to the floor, he doesn't care how old they are. He told them to leave with zero etiquette and spares a moment to be grateful his daughter wasn't home too, especially when they'd asked to see her.
The only change he can think of is his recent engagment to Jyn, but it's not like they're in his circle that they would have been told. But he did tell Marisol. She might have mentioned it offhandedly, but it still doesn't make sense. She's six and over halfway through kindergarten, she doesn't even know them. Marisol says they put away bits of money into a college fund at her request, but they don't even send birthday cards.
Kay is stomping around on the porch when Jyn's car pulls in the driveway. Cassian can see his grandmother sitting in the passenger seat and a mop of messy dark hair bobbing around in the backseat. For a moment, he forgets about Marisol's parents, distracted by the sight of his family together.
"They're probably just being posessive!" Kay seethes, breaking him out of it. His voice probably carries, but Cassian still has no idea how to even begin to bring this up to the rest of his family. He briefly considers letting Kay do it for him.
"They are being something, but I am not going to say it when Sofia might hear me," he grits out, putting a smile on his face when his daugther flings the door open on the car and leaps into the driveway.
"First!" she yells, victorious in leaving the car before her mama and her grandma.
"First out means first to grab the bags, mija!" Jyn calls out before Sofia can scamper over to her father and uncle without helping with the groceries. She pops the trunk before she climbs out of the car after the little girl, giving Kay a little wave.
"Bold move to stay when it's my night to cook." Bold or dangerous, really, since she is still not an exceptionally accomplished cook. She flashes them a bright smile, jerking her head toward the trunk. "But since you're here, you both have to help with the groceries too."
They both should have fled when the car rolled up.
Jyn heads to the trunk to find a couple bags for Sofia to handle, the chips and snacks and bread, things not too heavy or fragile. The long handles make the reusable bags almost drag against the ground, even settled on her shoulders, as Sofia brings both bags in at once and Jyn knows from experience that she's going to hit them on every step but it's too cute to find a different way to carry them. It's precious.
It's hard to stay completely angry when his daughter is carrying the grocery bags like that. Neither he nor Jyn can bring themselves to teach her something else. It soothes him a little, but that frustration is still there because - because how dare they? Sofia belongs here, with him and Jyn and the rest of their wonderful family and the adorable way she determinedly carries those grocery bags.
"Do not say anything in front of her," he hisses out, before jogging down the stairs to help. Kay huffs, affronted, mumbling something about low expectations.
Cassian might be better at hiding he's irritated and upset, but Kay clomps unhappily to the car and yanks out three bags. He is not subtle. "I am not going to die from your cooking," he says. "It's adequate." Which is much better than when he told her it was terrible. He doesn't wait for a reply before heading off to the house, passing Sofia along the way.
She giggles at him. "Hi Uncle Kay!"
"Hello, Sofia." At least he sounds much less hostile in her direction. He is secretly her biggest fan since day one.
Cassian kisses Jyn distractedly on the temple, gathering up a couple bags too. "Hi."
Abuelita tsks after Kay and Sofia, having zero bags because she's the oldest and doesn't ever have to carry bags anymore, leaving Jyn and Cassian alone by the car.
"Hi." She hums into the kiss, scooping up her own bags. "He's a grump today. So the line was so long I read almost an entire magazine and did you kn-- hey. You okay?" Her forehead wrinkles up in concern when she really stops to look at him, frown slanting down her mouth.
He was fine when they left, albeit slightly annoyed that the front door is still squeaking no matter the amount of WD-40 they've put on the hinges, but it's not the same disquiet she sees now.
Cassian closes the trunk because between all of them, that's all of the grocery bags. It's great, multiple trips are annoying.
He's quiet for a few seconds, unsurprised she could read it in him so quickly no matter how well he masked it. In some ways it makes it easier to bring it up. "No."
She can tell, there's no point to lying, especially when he's going to explain it all as soon as he can anyway. "Let's take the bags in first. I do not want Sofia to interrupt."
If they go inside, he can make sure his friend and his grandmother keep her occupied. There's a good chance she would just come running outside if her parents took too long.
"Yeah, of course. They can take her out back in the garden while we cook." Abuelita will catch on considering that she was meant to finally be teaching Jyn some secret family recipe for chiles en nogada, but they can push that off. "I got stuff for tostadas."
She sets off before Cassian, loping up the steps, and pushing open the door, striding inside and into the kitchen where Sofia is bossing around her grandmother and uncle around like a tiny dictator. "No, that's not how Papi does it!"
It probably isn't, but a. no one does anything the way Cassian does it and b. that doesn't excuse bad manners.
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ohnofeelstho2017-11-27 11:07 pm
i have an idea that this is what enduring love really means.
It doesn't feel like it's even her home anymore. Her mother is dead, Saw is dead, now her father is dead, gone mere moments after her hand curled around his on the hospital bed. She has Bodhi, she supposes. The rest of her school friends, most of whom she hasn't seen in years since she escaped into college and barely looked back. She'd seen everyone at the funeral, even Cassian, surprised at how well her school friends dressed up in dark wool and shined shoes. The outpouring of kindness should have made her feel better, but it didn't.
She doesn't know if she should even be accepting condolences for her father when she hadn't seen or spoken to him in over a decade.
It had been a nice service and then she slept until the next morning, rolling out of bed still in her black dress and changing into worn pants and an old flannel and a hoodie unearthed from the back of her closet before stumbling out of the farm house in search of coffee. It's not a huge town, it doesn't take long to follow the path to the coffee shop.
Having seen Cassian at the funeral, having even spoken to him very briefly, she isn't overly startled when she finds herself behind him in line, pushing her hair back from her face and huffing out a tired sigh before she pipes up, "Hey Andor."
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When it gets back to him that Jyn comes home because of her father's deteriorating health, it makes him a little nervous and if he avoids all his friends for a while, he definitely puts the blame on Sofia.
He spoke to Jyn very quickly at the funeral, but could hardly expect her to carry on any sort of real conversation to play catch up, and part of him wondered if he'd get to see her again before she left. It worries him what she would think of him now.
He's completely blindsided when he hears her voice behind him, tired but just as welcome a sound. He knew he should have stocked up on coffee the other day, but no, the coffee shop had to be close to his house. He supposes there's no real smooth way to handle this, so he just draws in a breath and turns to look at her with a tired smile on his face, with Sofia tucked into one arm and gnawing on a tiny stuffed whale. "Hello, Jyn."
She is tiny and dark haired and shares his complexion, and she blinks up at Jyn with his eyes too. His genes definitely dominated that race.
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Look at her big cheeks and her quizzical expression at this new person in her line of sight, her delicate little fingers clutching the whale, tiny little nose and tiny little mouth and, gosh, a little Rosie the Riveter bandana headband holding back her wisps of dark hair. Jyn's completely enamored with her.
And then it hits her at once.
Cassian is holding a baby that looks like she could be his little clone. Does he have a baby? That's silly, someone would have told her. Right? Someone would have told her if Cassian had a child, that would have been prime information to share. She would have known. Her eyes flicker to his hand, but she isn't sure he would be the type to wear a wedding ring anyway so maybe the lack of one tells her nothing.
She feels suddenly nauseated, but she pushes it down, snapping her mouth shut when she realizes it's open in surprise. She doesn't know what to say to Cassian so she addresses the baby instead, the person that can't say anything to her in return, reaching out to give her whale a little tug before her hand falls. "Did you know that Beluga whales chirp? Like canaries."
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Cassian holds his smile, still tired but still a real one, even as he watches her face slowly deflate. It's quiet, not obvious, and he's a little surprised he can still tell after all these years. He doesn't miss the way she looks at his hand either. She didn't know, but it's not a surprise. He certainly hadn't announced it anywhere, and half his friends hadn't even known till he was back.
Sofia shakes her little fist when Jyn rudely tries to steal her toy, and she lets out a trill of a noise. It could be a chirp. Maybe she wants to be a whale. "Did you hear that?" he says to her sweetly, and she tilts her head to look up at him, chewing aggressively on her beluga. "We'll have to let you listen to the sound. Do you want to?"
She answers him with another trill, but then looks back at Jyn because hello new person, you are clearly very interesting. She lets out a short string of sounds that is clearly meant to be a conversation.
Cassian hefts her up a little. "Should I translate for you?" She drools a little in affirmation. "This is Sofia," he says, voice quieter and maybe, definitely, probably weirdly nervous.
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"Hello Sofia." Jyn carefully coaxes her fist open with little tickles against her fingers, taking her hand in a formal handshake. When the baby grabs her finger she doesn't even try to tug it back. And because it's Cassian's daughter, fuck that's insane!, she adds, accent far better than it ever was in high school: "Encantada, ballenita."
Her eyes flicker back up to Cassian, still obviously fumbling with even the idea of accepting that Cassian has a baby, a daughter. What the actual fuck. Who the actual fuck. She does not ask, she will not ask, she doesn't want to know.
"No one told me, I would have sent a gift home. There's so many sweet baby toys in Peru." She'd escaped to where she was happy, even if that happiness was when she was three, exploring the mountains with her mother.
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"This is Jyn, mija." A beat. "Though ballenacita might be the better word." He's going to steal it, what the fuck that's the best name for his whale obsessed child. Sofia is so utterly delighted to be holding Jyn's finger that she opens her mouth to laugh, dropping the whale. Her delight morphs into shock, but Cassian grabs it before it drops to the ground and she stuffs it back her mouth eagerly. She squeezes Jyn's finger in victory and gurgles on it.
Peru. He knew she was in Peru, thanks to Leia who always seemed to know everything. "I didn't tell anyone, for a while," he admits. He loves Sofia with his whole heart but there was something very final about sharing it around. A bookend to one part of his life. He likes that it's been a quiet thing.
Jyn's Spanish is so much better over all. He's kind of impressed. He supposes being in Peru for that long would have had some good effect on it. How can it have been years since he's seen her? "I only moved back here a few months ago."
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my idea of christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others
Which is how he ends up arriving a half hour late, because the old days of punctuality are meaningless when you have a ten/eleven month old baby who doesn't give a fuck. Two sidenotes: he can't believe she's going to be one very very soon, and he can't believe this is her first Christmas already. She's adorable though, with a tiny little santa hat on her head and pants with reindeer and a red and green polka dot shirt. As soon as Luke lets them inside, she's completely enamored by all the decorations, because the two of them go all out.
He immediately finds himself looking for Jyn, even though he gets bombarded by a string of familiar faces eager to get a peak at the elusive father and baby. Shara and Kes coo over her, but Cassian knows they've been thinking about having their own soon, so he even lets them both hold her for a little while while they do a quick round of catch up small talk. Leia drags Han over and swoons, tickling her feet and playing games. Bodhi brings him a peace offering of hot cocoa buried with marshmallows and takes charge of her until he sips it enough that she won't spill it should she knock into it. Luke seems to sense there's been one too many people and settles for kissing her quickly on the head and telling Cassian he's glad to see them both.
He finally gets a breather, making his way over to the Christmas tree so Sofia can stare at the lights to occupy herself for a few minutes. The rush for baby time is Over. Not that he really minds, or he wouldn't have relinquished his hold on her, but it's always strange to be reminded of how aware most of his old friends have gotten of his new shared existence.
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Her hair is kind of a mess and her over large sweater is threatening to fall off one shoulder, already practically devouring her short (wrinkled) black dress, but at least she kind of dressed up. She's wearing green converse, that's festive.
"I believe this present belongs to me," she says, reaching out to scoop Sofia into her arms, burying her face in the baby's belly until she explodes into riotous giggles. Once that's achieved, Jyn tucks the baby easily on to her hip between her and Cassian, so she can still see the tree and still reach her Papa. Jyn knows how to cater to a Daddy's girl, after all those years being without her own.
"Feliz navidad, Captain." Sofia rips off her little hat and throws it on the floor with what looks like utter glee. "And you, ballenacita."
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He's gotten so used to Jyn scooping away Sofia that he barely even bats an eye, just smiles at the baby's brief startled face before she realizes who's grabbed her. His heart melts a little watching the way Jyn plays, the way Sofia giggles, but fortunately the stupid lovestruck look on his face is gone by the time Jyn settles the baby at her hip.
"Feliz Navidad, Jyn." He leans down to pick up the hat, but doesn't bother putting it back on yet. Sofia turns back to the tree victoriously and reaches out for it, but it's just out of reach. When she realizes she can't touch it, she smacks her tiny hand at her papa instead and he grabs her tiny fingers to kiss them. "She is so excited for her first Christmas. Aren't you, mija?"
Cassian is definitely excited too, although that's hardly a secret at this point. He's honestly the more excited party here, but he can pretend otherwise.
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"Are you sure it's Sofia who is excited? It's not someone else? Like say... gosh, maybe you?" Jyn's never been one to get excited about the holidays, any holiday, and this year is shaping up to be just as unfulfilling as the rest of them, but at least she gets a cute little distraction.
Probably.
"Does she have plans with her mom?" Bringing up Sofia's mom feels awkward, considering Jyn's lowkey jealous of her and has been since she realized Cassian had a relationship with someone long enough to make a baby, but at the same time... if he's leaving to visit or if she's coming to visit, Jyn would like to know so she won't stop by the house at random when he's not even home or steal food from his fridge that he was saving for her.
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"Fine, it's mostly me," he admits with a fake sigh. He takes advantage of her distraction to put the hat back on her head, and she seems oblivious. For now.
Cassian can always feel the awkwardness from Jyn whenever she brings up Marisol, no matter how many times he has told her about how completely not serious they were. She's only seen Sofia once since he moved back home.
"I am not sure yet." He doesn't sound particularly annoyed about this though. "She said her family always goes away for the holidays, and she seems to be waiting for permission to go with them." A beat. "From me, she wants to make sure it's okay with me. Right now Sofia's only plans are to eat her first Abuelita Christmas dinner."
Pick at some pieces more like, but close enough.
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Shifting slightly, Jyn lifts her hand to adjust the little hat and Sofia decides that means it's time to rest her head against Jyn's shoulder instead while she stares at the twinkling lights. Which leaves Jyn's hand hovering in the air briefly, struck stupid by the baby's sweet, guileless affection. Oh no. When her brain fires again, she settles her hand on Sofia's back and gently cradles her against her chest.
Help.
Abuelita's dinner though, Sofia is a lucky baby. Hopefully she makes enough street corn and tamales that Jyn can steal the leftovers the next day.
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it's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing.
He scrambles to answer before it goes to voicemail, because his gut is telling him this is important. “Bueno? Marisol? Is everything okay?”
She’s very quiet on the other end for longer than necessary, before finally breathing out, “Hi. Sorry. Is this a bad time?”
“Even if it was, I am going to be wondering what’s wrong until you tell me regardless.”
She laughs, but it sounds tired. “You can’t even see me and you still know. It’s important though. You’re going to want to meet up sometime, but that’s okay, we should.”
“You know I hate when you are cryptic.”
They broke up mutually. Cassian liked Marisol, but he didn’t love her, and she didn’t love him. They were casual together, a way to let out some steam while they both finished out their final semester in undergrad. A little more than friends with benefits, but never very serious because their lives were going to go in different directions and they both knew that. She was set for grad school. He was ready for the work force, military completely behind him now that school was done. He didn’t want to owe them anything else to keep going to school. She was his friend though, however little of them Cassian continued to have, and she always dragged things out just to annoy him.
“Cassian, I’m pregnant.”
Not this time. She manages to render him speechless. It feels like the air gets sucked out of the room. He looks at the calendar, like he needs to double check the fact that it’s December, because they broke up months ago. Before summer. She literally has no reason to tell him this, unless –
“It’s mine?”
“Yes,” she says faintly, almost ashamed.
He can hear her idly tapping a pen on the other end while reality crashes down around him. His brain immediately starts to think in overdrive, to give it any kind of logical explanation, but he shuts it down. There’s a reason she’s telling him so late. There has to be.
“I’m sorry,” she says about a minute later, voice even quieter. “You probably have a thousand questions. I can answer them. I owe you that much.”
“Are you still in the city?”
“I’m home right now, with parents.” She lets out another laugh, but this one sounds almost bitter. “I’m coming back after the holidays. I want to see you, if that’s all right.”
“I cannot possibly wait that long to talk about this, Marisol.”
“No, no, I wouldn’t – no. We can talk now. I had to at least tell you now before it got any later. She’s due in early February.”
Cassian can hear his own voice match that quiet. “It’s a girl?”
She pauses. “Yes. God, Cassian, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner – it’s a whole thing. It’s a mess. I should have told you. My parents didn’t want me to tell you, but she could theoretically come any minute now, and I just realized – it’s not fair. No matter what they said to me, it wouldn’t be fair.”
“Marisol, one thing at a time.” It’s firm. Not just for her own sake, but for his. He can put together some of the pieces, but he – he has a daughter on the way, he needs to know everything? He can barely wrap his head around the first part, he should tell her he’ll call her back in a little bit, but what good will it do? He’ll have all the same questions. Without any basis, it’ll just drive him crazier.
“I found out in June. I wasn’t even – I didn’t want to keep it,” she says in that same faint, almost ashamed voice. “I wanted to go to school. I never wanted to be a mother. But my parents convinced me to carry it through and said I could give it up for adoption. It was really persuasive.”
He’s never met her parents, but from everything she’s ever told him about them, he isn’t surprised. They’re older, affluent, children of wealthy immigrants who fled Cuba before Castro took over. Old school and religiously conservative.
“They told me if I wasn’t going to keep it, there was no point in even telling you. So I didn’t. I’m sorry.”
Cassian lost his parents very young, but he always had his grandmother. He can’t imagine her trying to keep that level of control over something that big, no matter how much the Andors like being able to control the situation to their best abilities. Abuelita is always on his side in a very different way Marisol’s parents support her. He knew long ago he was not the sort of person they’d approve of, no wonder they wouldn’t want him to know. He’d always hoped Marisol would be able to fully get out from under their thumb.
“Why are you telling me now?” She’s got barely two months left. All summer, all fall, she’d been pregnant with his child and he had no idea. He wouldn’t know, if she hadn’t made the decision to call him. It’s making him dizzy.
“It was wrong not to tell you. I should have done that first, before I even told my parents. But I panicked. I thought I was just going to… get rid of it.”
“That still does not answer my question.”
She’s quiet for a few moments. “I’m not keeping her. I can’t. Maybe that makes me terrible, but I can’t do it. I never wanted this.”
He hesitates. “Do you… want me to?”
“No! That’s not it either. It just… wasn’t fair, for you not to know. I would never drop this on you with the expectation you’ll just take her off my hands, but – she’s yours too. And if you do want her… it wasn’t fair of me to try and keep that choice away from you. My parents are going to be so mad, when they realize I’ve told you.”
If you do want her.
Deep down, he already knows what the answer is.
“I want to see you, when you get back to town. Please.”
“Of course, Cassian.” She pauses, sounding awkward even before she speaks up again. “I have another doctor’s appointment after the new year, if you want to come.”
“I… I don’t know. Maybe. I cannot possibly figure that out right now.”
“Sorry, I know. I’m going to be saying infinite sorries, so don’t tell me to stop.”
He’s very rarely at a loss for words, but that’s the second time since he answered the phone that they fail him. Marisol is pregnant. He did it. He pinches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes shut, but she seems to sense his need for silence and gives it. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, and it’s not like his thought process gets any more cohesive.
They talk idly a little more, before Marisol’s parents beckon and she promises to call back, to plan for a meet up after the holidays. They’re only going to Aruba this year, on account of her being over seven months pregnant, and he remembers he hates rich people.
He tells Abuelita when he goes home for Christmas, expecting chastisement. Instead she just hugs him and Cassian lets himself be held. One week after the holidays, he and Marisol meet up for coffee, and he tells her he wants to keep the baby.
His parents died when he was a child, and he can’t seem to bear the thought of this little girl out there, knowing someone had given her up. He doesn’t tell Marisol that. She offers him a small, sad smile, and only says, “I thought you might,” before they dive into logistics. Turns out their break up isn’t going to keep them completely apart in life anyway.
Less than a month later, Marisol gives birth to a healthy daughter. She comes one week early at the end of January, which his grandmother tells him is very normal of all the Andor women. Cassian names her Sofia Carina Andor, despite abuelita tsking about a lack of her mother’s name. He exchanges only a handful of words with Marisol’s parents, who seem to be there more for legal and financial reasons and regard him with suspicion the whole time. Abuelita definitely look ready to throw her shoe at them, but fortunately they are both distracted by the tiny newborn baby. His grandmother falls in love immediately, and Cassian knows he’s not going to stay here in the city. He cradles Sofia in his arms and has never been more in love with a person. In barely two months, Cassian’s entire life has flipped upside down.
He is granted full custody exactly one week and three days after she comes home from the hospital with him, and he nearly falls asleep on the drive over to the courthouse, grateful for Kay playing chauffeur, as well as playing at a great number of other things. His friend reminds him over and over that he should really tell some of his other friends sometime soon, but Cassian just keeps insisting he’ll do it another time, not now.
Three months later, he moves back home with a rental car full of baby things, with Kay right behind him in another car full of both their things. No one but his grandmother knows he’s even coming. It’s a long drive made longer by all the baby pitstops. Cassian Andor comes home over ten years after he left, only now he comes packaged in with a mini me.
Surprise.
i'll come get you and i'll say: welcome home.
She's coming home today after over two long months, he's very excited and nervous, and the house is a complete disaster. Cassian is fully moved in, at least in the sense of all his things are now located in her house and he lives there, but he's still got about one third of his boxes to unpack. It's been that way since the beginning of April. He used to be so much better at organization (almost neurotically so), but Sofia makes it a challenge, one he's not always energetic enough to complete by the time she's sleeping. She likes to play on two of the boxes, so he's sort of left them in the living room for last, but the rest are at least in his room (their room), mostly just clothes and old college things he doesn't need in the immediate.
He's got empty bottles sitting in the sink (with some fresh full ones also in the fridge), and one of the cabinet shelves is full of formula. There are stuffed whales scattered in various rooms across the house. Sofia is walking eagerly now, and she likes to take her whales with her everywhere, but she also has a habit of getting bored and just abandoning them, until the next hour when she can't find what she wants and cries about it. On top of the whales, there are other various toys and other baby paraphernalia that he tries to kick off to the side when Jyn texts him that she's on her way from the airport, things he put off cleaning for too long, and now Sofia's too wound up for him to do much more than that. He can at least give Jyn a path through her own house. Something he should have done, like, a week ago, and yet here he is.
There's a swing in one of the doorways, and the high-chair in the kitchen is still covered in veggies from lunch time. There's baby gates in appropriate places (like the stairs), there's childproof locks on drawers, there's a playpen tucked away in the corner of the living room. Everything has been sufficiently baby-fied. The dolls from Peru are resting under a blanket on the fluffy rug, because that's where Sofia likes to keep them.
But Jyn's house is also a mess, and she's going to make fun of him. Like she knows, Sofia makes a beeline for the pile right beside the couch and immediately shoves her hands in, looking for something very specific. She throws one of the blocks over her shoulder and it rolls in front of the door, but then she sees one of Cassian's shoes tucked near to the block and decides that will be her toy. Forget literally every other toy, it is now sneaker time.
He only realizes she's grabbed it when he's scooping up a bottle and a plate from the coffee table and she's running for the kitchen with a gleeful giggle dragging the shoe by the shoelace. He follows after her and finds her sitting on the cool tiles, gnawing on one of the laces while she smacks the other one at a chair leg.
"Sofia, that's filthy."
"No!"
It's her new favorite word.
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(The ended up getting Taco Bell and eating in the car but that counts.)
Bodhi swings by the Sonic in town and she grabs a soda and a hot dog because she's still hungry and she's still eating it when he pulls up in front of the farmhouse and dumps her bags out of the car. He offers to bring them inside for her, but Jyn shakes him off, thanking him profusely for picking her up and promising she'll come by in the next couple of days for the fruit pizza he's been teasing her with for weeks. She drops the bags on the porch and lets herself in to her house, smiling at the sounds of movement inside. She's never come home to someone waiting for her.
Hot dog and drink still in hand, she nudges the door open and slips through, kicking it shut behind her.
"I'm home!"
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I'm home!
His stomach rolls over like he's a fucking teenager, as though he isn't having a staredown with his nearly fifteen month old child. Jyn is home. He feels giddy, which is stupid. But she's been gone for what feels like forever, which is also stupid because he'd gone years without seeing her before. Sofia looks towards the sound, eyebrows scrunched in vague recognition, but her grip tightens on the shoe like it's a trick, using Jyn's voice to lure her away from her new favorite thing.
He wants to scoop Sofia up and bolt into the living room, but his hands are still full of dirty dishes, so he hurries to the sink and comes up with a halfway plan as he does. He's definitely luring someone, but it's not his baby. "We are in the kitchen!"
She looks at her father when he calls out, then looks back out in Jyn's vague direction. She bleats out a questioning sound and smacks the shoelace against the chair again.
He beams at her, letting his face light up in the excitement he feels. "Do you know who that is, mija? Should we go say hello?"
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She leans against the doorframe, trying for casual and gesturing idly with the half eaten hot dog. "Well hi, fancy meeting you here."
It's as casual as she can manage with an enormous grin lighting up her expression. This is truly the happiest of clams, right here. She would have come home so much more often if this was waiting for her. Immediately she knows going back to work is going to be so much harder now that she has gotten a taste of the homecoming.
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"Hi," he gets out, stumbling over what kind of verbal welcome to give her. "Someone broke in to your house."
Sofia has her own ideas. She shrieks a laugh once her brain realizes it's Jyn standing in the doorway, and she gleefully abandons the shoe, using the chair to pull herself up and stomp her little feet all the way over. She grabs at Jyn's pants and smacks her leg, laughing while she does a weird little squat dance in her delight at being in Jyn's presence again.
Cassian's heart basically dissolves, but it's fine, he's fine. His two favorite people in the world, help him. He'll go over to greet her for real in a second, but his baby is dancing with his girlfriend and that's pretty great.
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Jyn's hands are full! Quickly, she shoves the last of the hot dog in her mouth, looking like a chipmunk, so she can bend down and scoop Sofia right off her feet with one arm, sweeping her up into her arms before she takes the couple steps forward to set her drink on the table. Immediately her arm curls around the little girl, ducking her head to press kisses across her face.
"Oh I missed you so much, my little whale. You've gotten so big!" Whatever else she murmurs to the baby is muffled against soft baby skin as Jyn buries her face against Sofia's neck, holding her tight and breathing in that baby scent of soap and powder.
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it's easier to invade a small country than to file a court document.
Marisol's parents want their granddaughter. He doesn't get why. They were perfectly willing to let her be put up for adoption! They haven't even seen her since the court date where he was given full custody in the first place! He manages to be outwardly calm for the whole conversation, even if his tone is like ice, his gaze on the cusp of a constant glare. They seem to recognize how furious he is, but they're cold and stiff and Cassian wants to punch them to the floor, he doesn't care how old they are. He told them to leave with zero etiquette and spares a moment to be grateful his daughter wasn't home too, especially when they'd asked to see her.
The only change he can think of is his recent engagment to Jyn, but it's not like they're in his circle that they would have been told. But he did tell Marisol. She might have mentioned it offhandedly, but it still doesn't make sense. She's six and over halfway through kindergarten, she doesn't even know them. Marisol says they put away bits of money into a college fund at her request, but they don't even send birthday cards.
Kay is stomping around on the porch when Jyn's car pulls in the driveway. Cassian can see his grandmother sitting in the passenger seat and a mop of messy dark hair bobbing around in the backseat. For a moment, he forgets about Marisol's parents, distracted by the sight of his family together.
"They're probably just being posessive!" Kay seethes, breaking him out of it. His voice probably carries, but Cassian still has no idea how to even begin to bring this up to the rest of his family. He briefly considers letting Kay do it for him.
"They are being something, but I am not going to say it when Sofia might hear me," he grits out, putting a smile on his face when his daugther flings the door open on the car and leaps into the driveway.
"First!" she yells, victorious in leaving the car before her mama and her grandma.
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"Bold move to stay when it's my night to cook." Bold or dangerous, really, since she is still not an exceptionally accomplished cook. She flashes them a bright smile, jerking her head toward the trunk. "But since you're here, you both have to help with the groceries too."
They both should have fled when the car rolled up.
Jyn heads to the trunk to find a couple bags for Sofia to handle, the chips and snacks and bread, things not too heavy or fragile. The long handles make the reusable bags almost drag against the ground, even settled on her shoulders, as Sofia brings both bags in at once and Jyn knows from experience that she's going to hit them on every step but it's too cute to find a different way to carry them. It's precious.
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"Do not say anything in front of her," he hisses out, before jogging down the stairs to help. Kay huffs, affronted, mumbling something about low expectations.
Cassian might be better at hiding he's irritated and upset, but Kay clomps unhappily to the car and yanks out three bags. He is not subtle. "I am not going to die from your cooking," he says. "It's adequate." Which is much better than when he told her it was terrible. He doesn't wait for a reply before heading off to the house, passing Sofia along the way.
She giggles at him. "Hi Uncle Kay!"
"Hello, Sofia." At least he sounds much less hostile in her direction. He is secretly her biggest fan since day one.
Cassian kisses Jyn distractedly on the temple, gathering up a couple bags too. "Hi."
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"Hi." She hums into the kiss, scooping up her own bags. "He's a grump today. So the line was so long I read almost an entire magazine and did you kn-- hey. You okay?" Her forehead wrinkles up in concern when she really stops to look at him, frown slanting down her mouth.
He was fine when they left, albeit slightly annoyed that the front door is still squeaking no matter the amount of WD-40 they've put on the hinges, but it's not the same disquiet she sees now.
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He's quiet for a few seconds, unsurprised she could read it in him so quickly no matter how well he masked it. In some ways it makes it easier to bring it up. "No."
She can tell, there's no point to lying, especially when he's going to explain it all as soon as he can anyway. "Let's take the bags in first. I do not want Sofia to interrupt."
If they go inside, he can make sure his friend and his grandmother keep her occupied. There's a good chance she would just come running outside if her parents took too long.
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She sets off before Cassian, loping up the steps, and pushing open the door, striding inside and into the kitchen where Sofia is bossing around her grandmother and uncle around like a tiny dictator. "No, that's not how Papi does it!"
It probably isn't, but a. no one does anything the way Cassian does it and b. that doesn't excuse bad manners.
"Ballenacita. We are gentle with our words."
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