ohnofeelstho | miscellaneous thoughts: i came in piece, please assemble.

It all happens so fast that for a moment Jyn can't decide if it actually happened of if the soft, fleeting kiss was some kind of fever dream. Maybe she was roofied and her brain is acting out absurdities while she's laying in the bath cuddling a bottle of shampoo.

But no, Cassian's ears are pink like they used to be when he was embarrassed or a kind of fluttery nervous or socially apprehensive. She follows his gesture, spotting the sprig of mistletoe neatly tied with a red ribbon and carefully tacked to the door frame.

Mistletoe.

Briefly, Jyn debates punching her brother. It's this debate that means she takes too long to answer, the silence drawing out awkwardly before she spits out, "See you later, Andor," and slips past him for the door. She collects her coat, deciding it's unnecessary with a tiny space heater on her chest and tucking it under her arm while Sofia's is draped over her like a blanket.

When Cassian eventually returns home, he will find woman and daughter in bed, Sofia tucked against Jyn's chest with an arm slung across her middle so she can't roll over and right off the bed. Jyn's phone is propped on the other pillow, playing classical music covers of pop songs and projecting stars across the ceiling in dim green light that barely illuminates the pair cuddled under one of the blankets.

She doesn't seem to have any kind of real reaction to it, which makes him feel even more nervous. Her quick goodbye and hasty flight have him convinced he made the wrong call. He'll apologize later, when he gets back home.

For now he does what she told him to. He socializes, he has one (1) drink, he resists the urge to text and check in on Sofia because she's in Jyn's safe hands, she's fine. When Chirrut and Baze leave, Cassian follows suit a few minutes later, but he's signed off by a string of fond farewells that are kind of nice.

He gets home in a good mood, albeit still nervous over Jyn, and he starts to hum along with the song he hears from another room. Taking his shoes off, he meanders towards the bedroom and stops short at the doorway.

It kind of just makes him want to kiss her again. He thought it was bad before, but seeing Jyn in his bed with his daughter is a lot to deal with!! They both look so at peace, the stars giving them a warm kind of glow, and he almost doesn't want to disturb them.

"Jyn?" He says it very, very softly, because he knows if she's awake she'll hear it regardless.

She's half awake when she hears the front door open and close, smiling into Sofia's downy soft hair when she hears humming. Her eyes flutter open when Cassian says her name, turning her head the tiniest bit to offer him the small smile she was so recently hiding.

"Now you know my secret of why she's so well rested when I babysit." Nap time is for both of them.

She should sit up, talk to Cassian like an adult but that sounds lame and Sofia is so warm and soft, she refuses to give up the comfort of her snuggled to her chest, so instead she carefully reaches over to move her phone off the pillow, flicking the blanket back in an invitation for him to lay down with the both of them.

She smiles at him and he smiles back, because it's contagious and because his heart is all aflutter. He lets out a tiny laugh, because of course it's nap time. Jyn loves her nap time, it works out very nicely with Sofia who also loves nap time.

The invitation settles some of his nerves. She wouldn't tell him to lay down beside her if she was mad at him. He shuffles a little awkwardly towards the bed, stopping at the edge.

"So the next time she won't go bed, I should just ask for your help?"

It's a buffer before he sits down, shifting until he's laying down on the pillow next to them both. He's distracted for a moment by Sofia's sleeping face, because it's very rare he gets to see it from this angle, and everything inside him melts all over again. He traces his thumb over her cheek and she snuffles peacefully a little against Jyn.

"Of course." Like it is a forgone conclusion even though Jyn's never been known to sleep particularly well, that's why she loves naps in the first place. She's always done better with someone beside her, as it happens there simply hasn't been anyone in quite a long time.

She waits until he is distracted by his sleeping daughter to casually mention that, "You kissed me."

Sure, it was mistletoe, but she knows how stubborn he can be. No one was around. He could have very simply ignored tradition and not kissed her, but he'd kissed her. A large part of her hates the idea of discussing it, but he'd kissed her for the first time in years and she hadn't forgotten what that was like, she remembered so many kisses and that one felt so much like a first kiss, like their first kiss, she wants to know if there are going to be follow up kisses.

Was that just a kiss or was it a first kiss?

Babies can help anyone sleep, this is proven scientific fact. He is sufficiently distracted by said sleeping baby that when Jyn speaks up again, it does catch him off guard and he stills for a moment.

His expression turns a little sheepish, but he does look back up at her. He's an adult, he can be honest about this. "I did," he starts. "I wanted to," he continues, both softly and nervously. He wanted to kiss her, and not just because there was mistletoe hanging above them.

He wants to apologize, but he knows she doesn't always like them. "Was that okay?"

"It was only okay," she replies, mouth turning down in an exaggerated apologetic pout like she really hates to break it to him that the kiss was just okay. Nothing groundbreaking, nothing new. Chaste and sweet and soft and lovely, but why say that when she can tease.

And no, he is right, she does not want an apology.

She doesn't know what she's doing with her life anymore, she doesn't know what Cassian is doing, everything feels dangerous because there is a tiny baby between them and she is precious and delicate and... They've been broken up for years, she shouldn't even want to kiss him anymore. That's over.

Maybe it was just paused. "You can try again if you'd like."

It takes him a second, but then he bites back a laugh. If she's teasing him, then it was definitely okay that he kissed her and she probably just fled so quickly because she's Jyn Erso.

She tells him to try again and god does he want to. He shouldn't want to, because she's only been back in his life for what, two months? It should not be so easy to fall back into kissing her, and spending time with her, and talking to her, but the latter two have already been happening.

They hadn't broken up because they wanted to. They were young, and it feels like so much has hit them in between. Sofia sleeps between them and he can't... do anything, without thinking of her. But Jyn wouldn't pretend otherwise.

He slides his hand up slowly to cup her cheek and scooches in closer. His breath fans on her face, and he leans in to kiss her, mindful of his daughter. This kiss is clearly better, still soft but he lingers in it, now that he knows it's welcome.

This is a much better kiss. She wants to joke that he's been practicing or she trained him well, but that would involve tearing herself away and she can't right yet, tilting her chin up so he doesn't have to stretch so far. Breathing him in like he's as necessary as air. She can't tell if he doesn't pull back when the kiss finally finds it's natural end or if she doesn't, maybe neither of them do. Jyn's happy enough to be in his space.

"Cassian?" A beat. "Captain." That's murmured with unintended seductiveness, breathed out as her mouth curves into a smile that hasn't had the chance to make an appearance since the heyday of their teenage romance. The kind of smile that says 'come over, my parents aren't home'.

Well, neither of their parents are home, Cassian is the parent now.

"Do you think we could put Sofia to bed." Even as she's saying it, her arm curls a little more securely around the baby, keeping her snuggled up close and making her hum a little noise in her sleep. She loves Sofia, but she doesn't particularly want to make out on top of her.

That seems rude, at the very least.

Edited 2017-12-11 19:31 (UTC)

It is a most excellent kiss that he does not really want to end, which is why he stays close, or maybe it's because she does too. Either way, he's just glad to know they are definitely on the same page.

The way she says captain sends an unexpected shiver down his spine, even as he smiles at the sight of her smile. It's so familiar to him, so teasing and bright and full of faux innocence.

"You need to let her go in order to put her in her crib." He would also like to put his daughter to bed. He loves her snuggles and her sleepy noises, but he also very much would like to keep kissing Jyn. He pries at her arm to untuck it from around Sofia, because as much as he appreciates the break and trusts Jyn to do it, it's been a few hours since he held her, okay. He wants to settle her in bed. Her real bed. So he can get back to his bed with Jyn.

Cassian scoops her up very gently, and she makes another tiny squeak in her sleep in the transfer to his chest, but it's a happy sound and she doesn't seem bothered by the movement. He sits up slowly and her head tilts sideways, completely conked out. He looks at Jyn, and maybe some of his nerves are back. This part isn't like their youth. There was no baby then. "You can come, if you want."

But she is also very warmly burrowed into blankets, so he would not begrudge her for staying. Sofia's room is only right next door. It won't take long either way.

Jyn shakes her head but scrambles to her knees, blankets pooling around her as she scoots forward toward man and daughter. She leans over to kiss Sofia's cheek, ghosting her fingers across the baby's dark hair. "Buenas noches, ballenacita. Sweet dreams."

Leaning back, she offers Cassian a small smile before she darts in to kiss his cheek as well. "Don't hurry on my account."

He can take all the time he needs and Jyn will wait, however impatiently. Once he has left to put the baby down, Jyn quickly wriggles out of her tights, balling them up and shoving them between the mattress and box spring because she is too lazy to run to the trash. It's just in case and if he asks she will pretend she doesn't know what he is talking about. What tights? That settled, she tries to smooth her wild hair down and then spends too long trying to decide how to position herself on his bed. What the fuck. Giving up, she simply crawls under the covers, curling up on her side again. It's fine. This is just

Fine.

The cheek kiss gives him pause, and he ducks his head from the quiet affection of it before slipping from the room and slipping into his daughter's right across the hall. It does not take long to settle her. All things considered, Sofia is a very good sleeper. She's easy to move and only tends to wake up now when she's hungry or needs a diaper change. He kisses her forehead after nestling her in her tiny crib, turning on the monitor and leaving her door open as usual.

Part of him is worried Jyn'll be gone by the time he gets back. He steps in a little nervously, but no, there she is, burrowed again under the blankets, and he smiles softly at the sight. He closes his door, but not fully, leaving it open a crack. He should change into pajamas?? But he also just wants to crawl into bed with her, so that's exactly what he does.

He hesitates at the edge, even though it's his own stupid bed, before climbing in carefully. It sinks beneath him as he pulls back the covers and slides under them, curling up on his side too to face her.

"Hi." This is fine. They're fine. Is he supposed to just kiss her?? Should he ask?? There is no protocol for kissing your ex-girlfriend in bed after you've already kissed her and she has clearly fallen in love with your daughter. He reaches out to cup her cheek first instead. "I am glad you're here."

Its a weird think to think, considering the circumstances that brought her back home, but she find she doesn't want to be anywhere else right now. She misses her work, sure, she misses the exertion and adventure and the llamas, she misses climbing a mountain for her job.

But something is tugging at her. The feeling of belonging that she'd had here before is still here. Her friends are still here, still her friends. She still fits.

Her expression softens, the desire to make out struggling against the desire to simply scramble into his arms and be held. "I am too."

Edited 2017-12-19 04:06 (UTC)

Her face goes soft because of him and he finds himself relaxing, smiling at her. They are not the same people they used to be, but it's still so easy to be with her. Figuring out the next step is awkward, but he's not worried.

He brushes his thumb over her cheek. He's glad she's back in town and he's glad she's laying beside him.

"Can I still kiss you again?" Maybe not right now, but definitely sometime soon.

Her head bobs in a nod, like he's fucking Helen Keller with his hand against her cheek and that is the only way to convey that yes sir he can definitely kiss her again.

"If you want, yeah." She'd wanted it to be casual and cool, she wanted to be a Cool Girl, but she's really not at all. There is not a cool bone in her body. Evidenced by the way she stumbles over her words. "Do you think, I mean would you mind, would it be okay. If, if I stayed here. Tonight, I mean! If I stayed here tonight. I'll sneak out or whatever, when Sof wakes up in the morning. So I don't disrupt your routine or anything."

An offer which would make more sense if Sofia was a small child who could question why Jyn had slept over and not, you know, a not even one year old that loves anyone that loves her back with the delighted abandon of youth.

Speaking of trying to be cool and casual, Cassian's heart spikes when she tells him he can kiss her again, like it's no big deal, but it very much feels like a big deal. He wants this to go and be as smooth as possible, but Jyn always managed to trip him up.

Her babbling is... adorable, and familiar, a tiny peak at her nerves which is ridiculous because they are adults. He just happens to be an adult with a child, and Jyn's concern about messing up any sort of routine or dynamic is almost sweet, more reasons he feels like melting.

"I would like you to stay, yes." He swallows. "She'll probably wake up once or twice in the night, just so you know." That is a thing he feels like he should mention? Jyn probably already knows, because it's generally a known baby rule, but he's never done this before. He wonders if there is anything else babywise he should warn her about?? "You won't - you being here won't disrupt anything, I promise. You don't need to rush out." Not like they did when they were teenagers, sneaking in and out of windows and avoiding parental figures. "I can make us breakfast."

He wants her to stay. Everything else is ignored for the rushing in her ears and the wild gallop of her heart. What the fuck is going on with her, god damn.

She breathes out a soft laugh at the offer to make them breakfast, imagining him cooking while she plays with Sofia. It's a startlingly easy image to conjure up, but she convinces herself it's because it has always been easy to imagine herself with Cassian, of course it wouldn't be difficult to add a smaller, spittier version of him to her imagination.

"Are you going to seduce me with toaster strudel again?"

It would still work.

Edited 2017-12-24 07:08 (UTC)

Jyn laughs. He doesn't even know what for, because there is something very captivating about the sound of it when she's laying with him in bed. He could get used to it, which is a scary and exhilarating thought.

He breaks into a smile. "I was thinking pancakes." She's going to stay. She wants to stay. He feels so giddy. He's going to make her pancakes in the morning and maybe she'll be wearing his shirt.

Cassian wriggles in a little closer, knees pressing into her legs while he brushes his thumb over her cheek. She understands his situation and she's still here, and he's just... glad. "But I suppose I could throw in a strudel for good luck, just in case."

"You could always," Jyn starts, tone considering and calm like she's not internally freaking out, "Try now and if that doesn't work use the strudel for back up."

Seduce her, Andor.

She doesn't even know why she is so girlishly nervous. She's seen his man naked way more than once and way before they were even dating, she doubts much has changed in the set up. Maybe, hopefully, better hygienic practices than a teenage boy, but whatever cologne he'd moved on to smells delicious and Jyn is already into it and the smell of his shampoo. Nothing is new, though. She's known him forever, she knows every part of him down to his cowlick and the grand total of five freckles on his entire body. There is no reason to feel overwhelmed by butterflies.

And yet.

His stomach rolls over because she is literally giving him explicit permission to get in her pants, which he has done before! It's been a few years, but everything else since reuniting with her hasn't felt like they've changed too much. It should even be better now, because they're older. They are consenting adults.

She sounds so calm, but he knows her still, and he knows she's panicking a little internally. Relatable, because it's Jyn and he wants this, he's missed her so much, but there's a baby in the next room. His nerves are on fire for too many reasons. What if he messes this up?

Cassian cradles her face and leans in, kissing her forehead. He lingers there for a moment, before moving to press his forehead to hers instead. Before the seduction must come reassurance! It's not going to be any fun if they're just freaking out the whole time, they can do this, it'll be fine. "Will you tell me if it works, or do you think I will be able to tell?"

"I think you'll be able to tell, but I can definitely tell you what is working." It should be better now, yes, because they're older and can actually talk about sex without being teenagers about it.

Hopefully.

Theoretically.

Starting with, "I should clarify that, um, I was definitely faking it in high school. I'm sorry, you have a lovely penis and I was always very fond of it, but god, babe, you never got me off with it, like not even the once. It was always your hands that did the trick."

She sounds apologetic, and more than a little amused, tilting her chin up to kiss him very softly and very lazily, barely a brush of her lips against his because it's so far.

She called him babe. It takes him a second for the rest of it to catch up, because it's so endearing and a good sign that no matter how nervous they are, that affection is so genuine. How can it possibly still be this easy with her?

But then he laughs. He doesn't even know which part sets him off. He ducks his head into her shoulder to hide it, not out of embarrassment so much as just amusement. It doesn't surprise him in the least. Teenage boys are terrible. At least his hands were useful.

"Should I apologize?" He tilts his face, brushing his lips against the side of her neck before he comes back to look at her. She's still so Jyn and he's enamored. "I can definitely make it up to you now. I would like to."

He 100% knows what he's doing now Jyn, he swears.

"Never ever apologize. I taught myself to properly masturbate because of you." She grins at him, happy to find he's still just as easy to talk to as ever, feeling some of the anxiety flutter away with simply how familiar Cassian is to her.

He was her best friend and they broke up but if it's this easy now, sex can't possibly ruin it, good or bad.

Her hands stretch out to curl her surprisingly warm fingers around the hem of his pull over, unerring even under the blankets. He isn't that much taller when they're laying down, all her old habits still apply to the same places. It's still easy. "And I would very much like you to show me your new tricks."

"I suppose one good thing had to have come out of my teenage inadequacy."

She's so open with him and it settles him. It's comfortable, being with her is comfortable. If they can navigate themselves back to banter and normalcy, they can navigate sex. Maybe it'll be terrible, but if years apart and a baby can't take away how easy they are together, getting naked with her again won't make it worse.

"Only because you asked." He finally leans in and kisses her again, a gentle press of his lips that doesn't stay soft for long. His hand slides back into her hair and he finds himself smiling against her mouth. Somewhere in there his body presses in closer to hers too, one of his legs already tangling with hers.

Did she lose her tights?? It's an idle thought he'll come back to once his own pants are gone, probably.

It's instant the way she eagerly presses up against him, leaping to meet him. Her hands that had been idly fiddling with his sweater turn enthusiastic in her apparent need to drag it up and over his head. The look was cute, but man she could do without the button down shirt when she just wants to drag his shirt off him. Fiddly buttons are already terrible and she hasn't even reached them yet.

But, look. She's always had something of a thing for Cassian's strong arms.

It has not changed, she wants that sweater and shirt off now. Distantly some stern voice in her head says take it slow, but Jyn tells it to fuck off, sighing into his mouth when it opens against hers, breathing him in.

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