the first thing a person is supposed to do in an emergency is send a text message

[realists]

Comments

[evasives]

[ why does she always bring it up ON HER PAIN MEDS! it would be so much easier in any other situation, which is half the reason cassian never brings it up himself on a regular day. maybe she doesn't want to. ]

We moved too fast for you.

Like the other car.

[realists]

[ because inhibitions vanish when jyn takes her pain meds and that makes her much more loquacious. ]

It wasn't too fast. PEople expected so much of us and I freaked out.

[evasives]

I am sorry if I added to it. For the record.

[realists]

You didn't

This fuck up was all me, as per usual.

[evasives]

I always figured I did something to set it off. I knew this was difficult for you.

[realists]

No.

You were always good and supportive, I'm just a fucking selfish mess all the tim

[evasives]

No. Not all the time. You are not selfish. Just... scared.

[realists]

90% of the time I was rounding up

[evasives]

I would not have been with you if you were always selfish.

[realists]

Maybe you're a lil dense

[evasives]

For missing the signs, maybe.

[realists]

No!

[ which she barks out loud, frustrated, so he can hear that too. ]

There weren't signs! It was the fucking engagement party. People kept asking when were were nxt and I felt like I was suffocating and then the party was over and it was fine and then you RESPONSIBLY AND SMARTLY AND NOT AT ALL PRESSURELY mentioned it would be pragmatic to move in together which was correct but my brain just fucking snapped because if you finally figured out I was trash and we were living together it would be terrible

[evasives]

I never once thought it would be terrible and never thought you were trash. I would not feel that way about you. You aren't, you weren't.

If you were suffocating under us, we could have

I don't know

Opened a window.

[realists]

It wasn't us

It was this crushing societal expectation that we get married and have babies that we baptise because your uncle is a twat even though I don't know if I want to get married or have babies and if I DID I don't know if I would want them baptised because my mom was jewish but also organized religion is bullshit

And like everyone would expect me to take your last name like oh this name I've had for my entire life yeah I'll just throw it away

And I know YOU wouldn't expect any of that but it was so much and I panicked because what if I'm never ready for any of that! All I ever wanted to do was my job and I got that and people still think it's not enough and I hate it and I ahte that it hurt you

[evasives]

You could have said that before.

We could have worked through it. I always wanted you to be honest with me, no matter how difficult for either one of us.

[realists]

I didn't know

I didn't knwo any of this at the time it just felt like I was drowning and like I was going to drown you too.

It took like two months of taekwondo with Chirrut to figure this shit out and I was going to tell you and then my spleen exploded

[evasives]

You could have told me you felt like you were drowning.

I would have

Given you space. Tried to help. Something. I knew you were going through a rough spell but I did not know what to do and then all of a sudden

We were done

[realists]

I know and I'm sorry, I fucked it up like a dumb bitch

[evasives]

You know I hate when you call yourself that, like that.

[realists]

Well one of us has to state the obvious and you wont

[evasives]

I am not turning this into a pity party for you.

[realists]

Its not I'm being realistic

My puty party was for my abs

[evasives]

Are you going to divert or actually keep talking?

[realists]

Ask me a wuestion and I'll answer it

[evasives]

Could I have done anything differently?