That was Jyn's first thought when she found Cassian standing on her and Bodhi's doorstep, knocking on the door and calling inside. For her. He was calling inside for her, not Bodhi, which means this isn't something she can really outright avoid now that's he's looking at her.
Why was he here anyway? Sure she brings him coffee when he and Bodhi are working at the same time and sure he is part of Bodhi's poker night at the house and sure Chirrut sometimes catches her watching him instead of whatever she is watching on Netflix while she plays piano across the room during their games, but it's not like they're friends. For fuck's sake, he's a cop and Jyn is definitely not in the country on a valid visa and she is definitely not overly conscientious of the law. She was just actively breaking the law! She grows weed on the balcony! Fucking hell, Bodhi, a warning would have been nice, she wouldn't have come home if she knew Detective fucking Andor was waiting at her house.
He stares at her, taking in the sight of her, but she ignores it. She ignores the way he says her name, ignores the concern at the sight of her bloody hands while she struggles to turn the key in the lock, ignores the hard set of his jaw as she moves past him into her flat. She doesn't close the door on him, he's too close and, besides, she's heard him explaining to Bodhi the best technique for breaking down a door.
"It's nothing." She doesn't want to talk about it.
Bodhi said Jyn was feeling under the weather, and given his entire impression of Jyn thus far, it had to mean she was feeling pretty shitty, because Cassian gets the sense she'd sooner chop off her hair than admit she was sick. He doesn't know why he thinks cake instead of soup, but he feels like she'd appreciate it more. Less of a sign of weakness.
He doesn't know why he decided to be nice in the first place either, except maybe just Bodhi having to take on some overtime. Cassian really does want to help people in the end, or he wouldn't have become a detective in the first place.
He's surprised when she doesn't answer the door, thinks for a moment that maybe she's passed out - when she walks up, clearly not inside and not looking as sick as he anticipated. His eyes drop to her bloody hands with pure concern, but she doesn't give him any real reaction. She doesn't turn him away either, so naturally he follows her inside the house. It occurs to him this is the first time he's been alone with her in here.
It's clearly not nothing, but he knows if he argues with her to try and talk about it she'd just kick him out. "Let me help you clean it. I'm sure Bodhi has the proper supplies in the house." That seems more neutral, and he does know basic first aid. Besides, a closer look might let him get a better idea of what happened.
Locking the door behind him, Jyn stomps to the kitchen. "I'm fine Detective Ando-- Jabba! Get out of the sink!"
The extremely rotund cat blinks at Jyn blearily from the sink where he is draped in dramatic cat fashion, paw pressed to the knob on the faucet, keeping a steady drip of water on his tongue. No matter how aggressively they hide his food, the stupid, sullen, fat cat keeps getting fatter. Jyn suspects someone is feeding him when he sneaks out the fire escape but she can't prove it and Bodhi always rolls his eyes.
As it is, the cat doesn't move an inch.
"Asshole cat." Throwing her keys on the counter, she shrugs out of her jacket, revealing more blood spattered across her tee shirt and a stain of blood looking almost like it'd seeped into the fabric from a wound on her ribs. She pays it zero attention. "The first aid kit is under the sink."
He has seen their cat each and every time he's been over, but has yet to actually pet it. It's like Jabba is purposely avoiding him, which makes Cassian want to pet him even more.
He doesn't counter the fact that she is most definitely not fine, letting her putter around with the cat and jacket, but he does frown even more when he sees the blood seeping through her shirt. It almost gets him to burst aloud with concern, but she brings up the first aid kit, and he reigns in it, immediately walking for the sink and setting the box with the cake inside on the table. Focus on that, it's better to get answers.
That's what finally gets Jabba to leave, hopping out of the sink and over on the counter when Cassian approaches, where he sits down to stare in lazy cat fashion. Cassian gets the kit and gestures with it towards a chair. "Sit."
Jyn grabs a juice from the fridge and sits in the chair because it's easier for him to get this over with and leave if she lets him fuss. That's how she gets Bodhi off her back, at least.
"You have to play hard to get," she advises, on the topic of her demon cat, before pointing with her juice (--it's one of Bodhi's, purple, cold pressed, and some fancy hipster garbage that costs more than most of her full meals).
"Bodhi calls him El Diablo when he's cross. What did you bring?" This is the longest single conversation she thinks they've had together without Bodhi in the middle.
She's almost too compliant, and it makes him suspicious. Not suspicious enough to ignore the way she gets the juice bloody from her hands. He steals a glance at the cat with her advice. "I don't think I've been trying all that hard to begin with."
He fills a bowl with warm water and grabs a rag from where he's seen Bodhi store them. He pulls another chair around to sit next to her and opens the first aid kit, digging around for what he might need. "He looks like he could be one," he starts, soaking the rag in the water. "It's just cake. Bodhi said you were sick. Let me see your hands."
Jyn knows the little smile means "emergency" is simply a code for the nebulous whenever, but she doesn't so much as text him the following day or even the next. It's almost beginning to seem like she's just going to ignore anything happened at all. It was a fleeting moment of weakness, the urge to share with someone who she doesn't care about the way she cares about Bodhi. Clearly, it was nothing.
She isn't insulted he left, she knows he has to work, and she appreciates that she doesn't have to wake up and deal with the awkwardness of waking up curled up in someone's arms. Jabba seems pleased to have his bed back to normal and plants himself on the space Jyn vacates, maybe smelling the underlying scent of Cassian on the blankets still. He rolls around in the spot until it smells like his fluffy cat fur again. Jyn laughs because, well, it's not important for the bed to smell like Cassian, that's stupid.
And yet, there she is at his door, holding a bag of take out that smells like... something delicious, barbecued with some kind of sweet hot sauce that is filling the hall of his building. She doesn't think anyone is going to complain about it, she doesn't think Cassian is going to complain about it either..
She knocks once, hard and sharp. Maybe she should have called or, at the very least, texted, but there's no going back now.
She does not text. Not that day, not the day after, and Cassian regrets a little not getting her number too because he kind of... wishes she would. It's easily fixable should he just go to Bodhi for it, but that feels like cheating.
He goes to work and carries on as normal, wondering if the whole entire night at Jyn's was just some sort of surrealist dream. Cuddling? Petting Jabba? Nearly sleeping with her? It's a series of events that would normally be so suspect.
His shift last night ran a little into overtime, but he has the next two days off, so he may have slept in till noon and only eaten a bagel for lunch. He looks up at the door when he hears the knock like it's fake, but the smell of barbecue filters in and that can't be fake? It's a question, because he has noticed his neighbors bringing home heavy smelling foods at all hours, but they never offer him any.
He climbs off the couch, wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants because it's his day off and no one was set to come over. When he opens the door to Jyn, he barely masks his surprise, even if he is maybe a little happy to see her too. He looks down at the bag of take out, then back to her face.
"Jyn." A beat. There's an incline in his voice that's almost a question. "Hi."
Nailed it, smooth as peanut butter. She's somewhat distracted by the sight of him in such casual clothes. Lazing around the house in basically pajamas is the height of casual and one she's never seen before and she's idly fascinated.
He looks surprised enough to see her that she offers an explanation of: "Your address is in Bodhi's GPS."
Or at least an address she didn't recognize from all his usual haunts.
She holds up the bag. "I figured I owe you thanks and, well." Her free hand flips up the hem of her tee shirt to expose her unbandaged and definitely already healing scar. No blood in sight, no other new bruises or injuries or bandages. She waited exactly a day or so and now she is here for round two, supplemented by food if he turns her down again. Food he gets to keep either way because she's not that petty. "All cleared."
Nothing really explains why she's here - not the gps, not the food - until she lifts up her shirt and oh there it is. She still wants him. Something warm bubbles in his belly, because his feelings are very much the same, but he certainly hadn't thought she'd just come over. He'd be more self-conscious about his sweats if he wasn't suddenly preoccupied with the notion that he's going to get laid today.
His surprise holds him for another five seconds before he finally steps back, welcoming her inside. His apartment is neat, and all the furniture serves a purpose; from the table beside the door that holds a bowl for his keys, to the bookshelves beside the window that are very neatly stacked. The living room is bracketed from the kitchen only by a table, and there are two doors off a tiny hallway that presumably lead to a bedroom and a bathroom. It's not a very big space, but it's his.
He has a lot of questions. "How did you know I'd be here?" is the one he starts with, shutting the door behind her.
"I guessed." She'd used context clues from Bodhi and a past history of poker nights and then just decided, fuck it. "If you weren't here I was going to leave the food."
No harm, no foul, it isn't a huge trek from her apartment to his, and there's a hipster ice cream place between them she was going to stop at had he not been home. She wouldn't have lost anything really, definitely would have gained ice cream.
Now, she steps into his apartment and breathes out a slow breath. It's very spartan, neat, a place for everything and everything in it's place, and she feels out of place. Maybe she should have just invited him over, but no, she wanted this to happen somewhere that didn't have all the odd cuddling and she didn't want Bodhi to interrupt. She holds out the food.
"It's cuy." There's a little mason jar of chicha in there as well that the guy had snuck in when Jyn adjusted the order for someone other than Bodhi. Like he fucking knew. Maybe that was why he added the chocolate... "Have you ever been to Peru?"
He gets the sense it was a little more than just guessing, and instinct is telling him to question her more, but he lets it slide. "Someone might have stolen it, if you just left it." He has decent neighbors, at least on his own floor, but you never know.
Cassian feels weirdly alert letting her into his space. It's not that he minds at all, but it's not like he has people over very often either. He keeps it clean, so at least he doesn't have to worry about any kind of mess visible in her visit.
He is very surprised to hear she's brought cuy of all things, and he doesn't try to hide it, even though his expression is still a subtle one. "You like cuy?" It's not judging! It's just surprised! He assumes it's Bodhi's influence. "To Lima once as a child, but only for a few days."
Cassian has not seen Jyn since their last lunch date. Though, he supposes, calling it a date would be a falsehood and probably make him liable to keep not seeing her.
She's never around at poker nights anymore, she hasn't texted him for a rendezvous much less a hello, and whenever he tries to text her, all he gets in response are squirrel pictures. It tells him she's probably not mad, but she's definitely avoiding him. He doesn't know how it makes him feel: hurt, mad, annoyed - he doesn't know which one he's even allowed to feel, given they aren't a thing.
When Bodhi changes the night for the poker game, he doesn't think much of it - until he gets to the house and realizes Jyn is home. He catches her eyes and she looks just as surprised to see him before scurrying away into her room with a bowl of soup. She does not come out for the entire evening, a fact that doesn't surprise him. He loses, Bodhi wins, and everyone else slowly filters out, but Cassian just... lingers. He knows he's being obvious and he knows it's only adding fuel to the fire, but it's the first glimpse of Jyn he's had in weeks and he just wants to talk. See how she is, maybe get some closure if she's decided she's done. She can keep sending him squirrel pictures, but he doesn't want her to think he only tries to talk to her for sex.
Though maybe that's part of the problem? Maybe that's all she wants, and he'd said something to make it awkward? He's going to overthink it until the end of time, that's the real reason he wants to get more than a squirrel out of her.
"Just barge in," Bodhi sighs, with the expression of a man Tired of This Shit as he piles away the snack dishes into the sink. Suddenly Cassian knows exactly why Bodhi changed poker night this week, which could mean Jyn was being as quietly dramatic about it as he's been. "The lock's been broken for days and she hasn't gotten around to fixing it yet."
Well. He doesn't quite barge in, but he does slink over and knock at her door.
She doesn't even know why she was so dramatic with Cassian, honestly, but she wanted to avoid until he decided she wasn't worth the effort and then she'd be off the hook and wouldn't have to confront her own feelings or actions. But no, Bodhi had to be more of a meddler than a Jewish mother. He's worse than the god damn Aunties that harass him at the grocery.
It had been easy when she knew when to avoid Cassian and she'd only gotten into one fight during the games so it wouldn't be obvious to Bodhi that is was Jyn but Cassian checked in after and she'd been forced to respond, choosing her usual squirrel snap instead of an actual answer.
She knows it's Cassian at the door now, his knock is different from Bodhi's and she wants to ignore him but her bedroom doesn't have a fire escape -- that's in the living room -- so she can't run away. Jabba lifts his head from the foot of her bed and meows loudly. Everyone is fucking against her now.
Her response is so reluctant that he almost turns around and leaves, so she almost gets her wish.
His own stubbornness has him opening the door and peering inside before he steps in too, closing the door quietly behind him. Not to make her feel closed off, but he knows Bodhi might try to listen otherwise.
"Hi," he says, finding himself at a bit of a loss for words now that he's here. He takes in the whole sight of her, surprised to discover he really did miss her, and if he is checking for any glaring injuries in the same sweep it's fine.
Jabba squints at him, but stays where he is. "You are not going to hold up a picture of a squirrel, are you?
"Phone's on my desk." And she is in bed with her tablet so he is free of squirrels this time and she is straight up ignoring that he knows she was avoiding talking to him by sending him pictures of squirrels.
"I'm uninjured."
Because she can also tell he is looking for that, looking for injuries or new bruises. Setting her tablet down she spreads her arms. "You're welcome to check."
She assumes he won't because she's spent so long ignoring him which is why she doesn't mind making the offer, it's clearly empty. Just like her soul. Why can't she just be fine with their situation, friendly banging and friendship, but no. It was too much and she freaked out and now she gets neither of those things and god damn it her vibrator is on the floor and he is going to see it and know that she still wants their stupid friends with benefits situation and she's just being stupid about it.
She could theoretically hold up her tablet with a picture of a squirrel, but he's not going to point that out.
His next question indeed was going to be after how she was, bodily injury wise. He knows she's been active, rumors and the occasional report filtering in. The way she holds out her arms puts any potential up close investigation on pause. Not because he's unworried, but because it's almost sarcastic.
"I do not really think you want me to check." He spares a quick glance around her room just to avoid looking at her for a moment, and he does not miss her abandoned vibrator on the floor. "But honestly, I am not really sure what you want."
For the record, for every record, Jyn only agreed to this bullshit for Cassian. Well, for Cassian and for money. Her invitation only came with the promise of money ("it won't be this easy without me and the waste of resources would cost more") and the demand that Cassian bring her as well. Or rather she would bring him as her plus one.
All demands through Cassian of course since once his superior officer mentioned something about Jyn's father and Jyn went to hit him, she hasn't been allowed back in the precinct. Not that she wants to go back, she hates being there. She doesn't like police as a rule and so many of the cops in the city are dirty as hell.
(She knows Cassian isn't, so she has to assume Draven isn't as well, but it's a hard sell.)
Regardless, Jyn agrees to join Cassian at the gala ("Jyn, it was your idea!") but refuses to go with him. She will meet him there and she will be dressed appropriately, fuck you.
And she is. Hair carefully pinned up in a soft, delicate up do, barely there make-up, delicate earrings, perfect French manicure, Jyn looks like she belongs at this gala, especially in her refined dress, soft ruffles framing her face and low bare baring the expanse of her pale skin. The dress shows up toned muscles and her biceps, covering up everything she doesn't care about; the skirt is flowing enough to hide any weapons she may or may not have, giving her room to run if need be, even if she is wearing heels as well. Her lips purse as she glances at her phone, waiting for Cassian on the steps of the museum.
It's an opportunity too good to pass up, and he's glad Jyn is the one to have suggested it in the first place. It takes a little finagling and arguing but Draven eventually agrees, and they get to work on plans in the lead up to the actual event.
His suit is blue, because the chances of Jyn wearing black are Very High and he doesn't want to walk in looking like the Addams Family.
Good call, and not just for avoiding attention reasons. When he gets to the museum, he does a double take when he sees Jyn at the bottom of the stairs, mostly because he doesn't think he's ever seen her so dressed up and he isn't even sure it's her at first. For two seconds he just kind of stares at her, sighing before he bites back a smile and walks over, making his presence known with a little cough.
She looks so... pretty, and he's always found her attractive, but there's something about the sweep of her hair and the open expanse of her back in the dress that catches him already off guard. It's not like he hasn't seen her wholly naked already, but the way her dress frames her arms and back, highlighting her muscles, sure is alluring. "You beat me here."
She didn't want Bodhi to ask more questions than he was already asking, what with having him help pin her hair in place. He didn't drive her because he didn't need to know where she was going or with whom because he would probably assume it was a date and Jyn didn't want to get into how much this wasn't a date because her worst nightmare was going to be inside that museum and maybe also her father which is a nightmare in and of itself.
The two of them together might well be the end of her and Cassian will be able to witness her decent into madness first hand.
Aside from that, it's going to be a great night.
"You look handsome." At least she still can appreciate the finer things in life, namely Cassian in that suit. He's gorgeous all the time and she's seen him in loads of styles -- workout gear and casual jeans and work clothes and those god damn sweats -- but the suit is something else entirely. Another level.
"I am impressed it survived the subway unscathed."
He got a ride from a coworker, though he had them drop him off about two blocks away. It's not a secret that he is attending this gala, though Draven did try his best to keep it mostly under wraps.
He smiles at her little compliment. "Thank you," he says a little quietly, because even if he has and continues to use his looks to his advantage, it's more genuine coming from Jyn who's seen him in all manner of clothes. "I should have known you would come in all black, but you look beautiful."
Is he allowed to say that?? Too bad, it's out. He offers out his hand, because despite the air she's trying to give off, Cassian still gets the sense she's nervous - and he wouldn't blame her. He knows what's awaiting them. The least he can do is hold her hand the whole way.
It's hesitant because she is still hesitant with what they are. Some kind of nebulous friends with benefits but also more than friends?? She does take his hand, her own trembling a little, soaking up the warmth of his presence and the comfort she takes from it. She tries not to think about it. She is his date, or rather he is her date, she's supposed to look like she wants to be with him and that will be easy, but
ugh feelings.
"Black makes my skin look... whiter. Harder to see the scars." All her bruises are on her front and legs so the low back and bare arms only reveal past scars that have since faded as well to pale streaks and splotches.
Edited (she's not scottish) 2019-05-30 03:56 (UTC)
Jyn suspected he was planning one and confided in Cassian this conspiracy, and they watched the careful way he decorated their apartment. Cassian didn't mind so much, he loves Christmas, but Jyn wouldn't let the sneaking suspicion of a party go, and sure enough, he finds himself invited to a shindig on December 20th. He texted Jyn about it, but convinced her not to leave the house that night, at least not right away.
So that's where he's at now, slipping into Bodhi's apartment where the party is in full swing.
It's a party, but it's not very big. Their poker unit, a few of the paramedics they both work with, a couple strangers that are obviously just Bodhi's friends. There's music playing, chips and dip and drinks, lights blinking above doorways and windows. It's not bad. He doesn't like parties, but he likes Christmas, and he likes Jyn, who he easily finds skulking in the kitchen chowing down some pigs in a blanket.
"If I promise not to say Merry Christmas, will you share at least one of them with me?"
"If you fuck me on his desk in revenge you can have the rest of the plate."
Yes, hello to you too, Cassian. A scowl seems permanently stuck on her expression, but some how, some way, Bodhi had managed to get Jyn into something other than workout clothes. Admittedly she is still wearing leggings, but instead of a tank top, she has a slouchy lavender sweater, sleeves pushed up to her elbows, half slipping off one pale shoulder, that Bodhi no doubt bought her for the holiday. The material is decadently soft and Jyn truly loves the feel of it, but she still hates the party.
The plate, for the record, stays clutched in her arms because he hasn't agreed yet.
He is... probably a fool. He should not be as into Jyn as he is, even if he's denying about 90% of it. But he sees the scowl on her face and takes in the off the shoulder look with her mouth full of mini hot dogs, and he only wants to spend the rest of the evening with her.
"I don't want the rest. I just want a few. Where do I have to fuck you to get three of them?"
He's not going to address, again, how much he does not want to fuck on Bodhi's desk because, again, Bodhi is his friend and he doesn't want to make poker night get weird.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
realists) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ohnofeelstho2017-06-22 01:24 am
to sin by silence, when they should protest, makes cowards of men.
That was Jyn's first thought when she found Cassian standing on her and Bodhi's doorstep, knocking on the door and calling inside. For her. He was calling inside for her, not Bodhi, which means this isn't something she can really outright avoid now that's he's looking at her.
Why was he here anyway? Sure she brings him coffee when he and Bodhi are working at the same time and sure he is part of Bodhi's poker night at the house and sure Chirrut sometimes catches her watching him instead of whatever she is watching on Netflix while she plays piano across the room during their games, but it's not like they're friends. For fuck's sake, he's a cop and Jyn is definitely not in the country on a valid visa and she is definitely not overly conscientious of the law. She was just actively breaking the law! She grows weed on the balcony! Fucking hell, Bodhi, a warning would have been nice, she wouldn't have come home if she knew Detective fucking Andor was waiting at her house.
He stares at her, taking in the sight of her, but she ignores it. She ignores the way he says her name, ignores the concern at the sight of her bloody hands while she struggles to turn the key in the lock, ignores the hard set of his jaw as she moves past him into her flat. She doesn't close the door on him, he's too close and, besides, she's heard him explaining to Bodhi the best technique for breaking down a door.
"It's nothing." She doesn't want to talk about it.
no subject
He doesn't know why he decided to be nice in the first place either, except maybe just Bodhi having to take on some overtime. Cassian really does want to help people in the end, or he wouldn't have become a detective in the first place.
He's surprised when she doesn't answer the door, thinks for a moment that maybe she's passed out - when she walks up, clearly not inside and not looking as sick as he anticipated. His eyes drop to her bloody hands with pure concern, but she doesn't give him any real reaction. She doesn't turn him away either, so naturally he follows her inside the house. It occurs to him this is the first time he's been alone with her in here.
It's clearly not nothing, but he knows if he argues with her to try and talk about it she'd just kick him out. "Let me help you clean it. I'm sure Bodhi has the proper supplies in the house." That seems more neutral, and he does know basic first aid. Besides, a closer look might let him get a better idea of what happened.
no subject
The extremely rotund cat blinks at Jyn blearily from the sink where he is draped in dramatic cat fashion, paw pressed to the knob on the faucet, keeping a steady drip of water on his tongue. No matter how aggressively they hide his food, the stupid, sullen, fat cat keeps getting fatter. Jyn suspects someone is feeding him when he sneaks out the fire escape but she can't prove it and Bodhi always rolls his eyes.
As it is, the cat doesn't move an inch.
"Asshole cat." Throwing her keys on the counter, she shrugs out of her jacket, revealing more blood spattered across her tee shirt and a stain of blood looking almost like it'd seeped into the fabric from a wound on her ribs. She pays it zero attention. "The first aid kit is under the sink."
no subject
He doesn't counter the fact that she is most definitely not fine, letting her putter around with the cat and jacket, but he does frown even more when he sees the blood seeping through her shirt. It almost gets him to burst aloud with concern, but she brings up the first aid kit, and he reigns in it, immediately walking for the sink and setting the box with the cake inside on the table. Focus on that, it's better to get answers.
That's what finally gets Jabba to leave, hopping out of the sink and over on the counter when Cassian approaches, where he sits down to stare in lazy cat fashion. Cassian gets the kit and gestures with it towards a chair. "Sit."
no subject
"You have to play hard to get," she advises, on the topic of her demon cat, before pointing with her juice (--it's one of Bodhi's, purple, cold pressed, and some fancy hipster garbage that costs more than most of her full meals).
"Bodhi calls him El Diablo when he's cross. What did you bring?" This is the longest single conversation she thinks they've had together without Bodhi in the middle.
no subject
He fills a bowl with warm water and grabs a rag from where he's seen Bodhi store them. He pulls another chair around to sit next to her and opens the first aid kit, digging around for what he might need. "He looks like he could be one," he starts, soaking the rag in the water. "It's just cake. Bodhi said you were sick. Let me see your hands."
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
...
...
...
...
one cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well
Jyn knows the little smile means "emergency" is simply a code for the nebulous whenever, but she doesn't so much as text him the following day or even the next. It's almost beginning to seem like she's just going to ignore anything happened at all. It was a fleeting moment of weakness, the urge to share with someone who she doesn't care about the way she cares about Bodhi. Clearly, it was nothing.
She isn't insulted he left, she knows he has to work, and she appreciates that she doesn't have to wake up and deal with the awkwardness of waking up curled up in someone's arms. Jabba seems pleased to have his bed back to normal and plants himself on the space Jyn vacates, maybe smelling the underlying scent of Cassian on the blankets still. He rolls around in the spot until it smells like his fluffy cat fur again. Jyn laughs because, well, it's not important for the bed to smell like Cassian, that's stupid.
And yet, there she is at his door, holding a bag of take out that smells like... something delicious, barbecued with some kind of sweet hot sauce that is filling the hall of his building. She doesn't think anyone is going to complain about it, she doesn't think Cassian is going to complain about it either..
She knocks once, hard and sharp. Maybe she should have called or, at the very least, texted, but there's no going back now.
no subject
He goes to work and carries on as normal, wondering if the whole entire night at Jyn's was just some sort of surrealist dream. Cuddling? Petting Jabba? Nearly sleeping with her? It's a series of events that would normally be so suspect.
His shift last night ran a little into overtime, but he has the next two days off, so he may have slept in till noon and only eaten a bagel for lunch. He looks up at the door when he hears the knock like it's fake, but the smell of barbecue filters in and that can't be fake? It's a question, because he has noticed his neighbors bringing home heavy smelling foods at all hours, but they never offer him any.
He climbs off the couch, wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants because it's his day off and no one was set to come over. When he opens the door to Jyn, he barely masks his surprise, even if he is maybe a little happy to see her too. He looks down at the bag of take out, then back to her face.
"Jyn." A beat. There's an incline in his voice that's almost a question. "Hi."
no subject
Nailed it, smooth as peanut butter. She's somewhat distracted by the sight of him in such casual clothes. Lazing around the house in basically pajamas is the height of casual and one she's never seen before and she's idly fascinated.
He looks surprised enough to see her that she offers an explanation of: "Your address is in Bodhi's GPS."
Or at least an address she didn't recognize from all his usual haunts.
She holds up the bag. "I figured I owe you thanks and, well." Her free hand flips up the hem of her tee shirt to expose her unbandaged and definitely already healing scar. No blood in sight, no other new bruises or injuries or bandages. She waited exactly a day or so and now she is here for round two, supplemented by food if he turns her down again. Food he gets to keep either way because she's not that petty. "All cleared."
no subject
His surprise holds him for another five seconds before he finally steps back, welcoming her inside. His apartment is neat, and all the furniture serves a purpose; from the table beside the door that holds a bowl for his keys, to the bookshelves beside the window that are very neatly stacked. The living room is bracketed from the kitchen only by a table, and there are two doors off a tiny hallway that presumably lead to a bedroom and a bathroom. It's not a very big space, but it's his.
He has a lot of questions. "How did you know I'd be here?" is the one he starts with, shutting the door behind her.
no subject
No harm, no foul, it isn't a huge trek from her apartment to his, and there's a hipster ice cream place between them she was going to stop at had he not been home. She wouldn't have lost anything really, definitely would have gained ice cream.
Now, she steps into his apartment and breathes out a slow breath. It's very spartan, neat, a place for everything and everything in it's place, and she feels out of place. Maybe she should have just invited him over, but no, she wanted this to happen somewhere that didn't have all the odd cuddling and she didn't want Bodhi to interrupt. She holds out the food.
"It's cuy." There's a little mason jar of chicha in there as well that the guy had snuck in when Jyn adjusted the order for someone other than Bodhi. Like he fucking knew. Maybe that was why he added the chocolate... "Have you ever been to Peru?"
no subject
Cassian feels weirdly alert letting her into his space. It's not that he minds at all, but it's not like he has people over very often either. He keeps it clean, so at least he doesn't have to worry about any kind of mess visible in her visit.
He is very surprised to hear she's brought cuy of all things, and he doesn't try to hide it, even though his expression is still a subtle one. "You like cuy?" It's not judging! It's just surprised! He assumes it's Bodhi's influence. "To Lima once as a child, but only for a few days."
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
one might have all sorts of reasons for avoiding people.
She's never around at poker nights anymore, she hasn't texted him for a rendezvous much less a hello, and whenever he tries to text her, all he gets in response are squirrel pictures. It tells him she's probably not mad, but she's definitely avoiding him. He doesn't know how it makes him feel: hurt, mad, annoyed - he doesn't know which one he's even allowed to feel, given they aren't a thing.
When Bodhi changes the night for the poker game, he doesn't think much of it - until he gets to the house and realizes Jyn is home. He catches her eyes and she looks just as surprised to see him before scurrying away into her room with a bowl of soup. She does not come out for the entire evening, a fact that doesn't surprise him. He loses, Bodhi wins, and everyone else slowly filters out, but Cassian just... lingers. He knows he's being obvious and he knows it's only adding fuel to the fire, but it's the first glimpse of Jyn he's had in weeks and he just wants to talk. See how she is, maybe get some closure if she's decided she's done. She can keep sending him squirrel pictures, but he doesn't want her to think he only tries to talk to her for sex.
Though maybe that's part of the problem? Maybe that's all she wants, and he'd said something to make it awkward? He's going to overthink it until the end of time, that's the real reason he wants to get more than a squirrel out of her.
"Just barge in," Bodhi sighs, with the expression of a man Tired of This Shit as he piles away the snack dishes into the sink. Suddenly Cassian knows exactly why Bodhi changed poker night this week, which could mean Jyn was being as quietly dramatic about it as he's been. "The lock's been broken for days and she hasn't gotten around to fixing it yet."
Well. He doesn't quite barge in, but he does slink over and knock at her door.
no subject
She doesn't even know why she was so dramatic with Cassian, honestly, but she wanted to avoid until he decided she wasn't worth the effort and then she'd be off the hook and wouldn't have to confront her own feelings or actions. But no, Bodhi had to be more of a meddler than a Jewish mother. He's worse than the god damn Aunties that harass him at the grocery.
It had been easy when she knew when to avoid Cassian and she'd only gotten into one fight during the games so it wouldn't be obvious to Bodhi that is was Jyn but Cassian checked in after and she'd been forced to respond, choosing her usual squirrel snap instead of an actual answer.
She knows it's Cassian at the door now, his knock is different from Bodhi's and she wants to ignore him but her bedroom doesn't have a fire escape -- that's in the living room -- so she can't run away. Jabba lifts his head from the foot of her bed and meows loudly. Everyone is fucking against her now.
"Come in."
no subject
His own stubbornness has him opening the door and peering inside before he steps in too, closing the door quietly behind him. Not to make her feel closed off, but he knows Bodhi might try to listen otherwise.
"Hi," he says, finding himself at a bit of a loss for words now that he's here. He takes in the whole sight of her, surprised to discover he really did miss her, and if he is checking for any glaring injuries in the same sweep it's fine.
Jabba squints at him, but stays where he is. "You are not going to hold up a picture of a squirrel, are you?
no subject
"I'm uninjured."
Because she can also tell he is looking for that, looking for injuries or new bruises. Setting her tablet down she spreads her arms. "You're welcome to check."
She assumes he won't because she's spent so long ignoring him which is why she doesn't mind making the offer, it's clearly empty. Just like her soul. Why can't she just be fine with their situation, friendly banging and friendship, but no. It was too much and she freaked out and now she gets neither of those things and god damn it her vibrator is on the floor and he is going to see it and know that she still wants their stupid friends with benefits situation and she's just being stupid about it.
no subject
His next question indeed was going to be after how she was, bodily injury wise. He knows she's been active, rumors and the occasional report filtering in. The way she holds out her arms puts any potential up close investigation on pause. Not because he's unworried, but because it's almost sarcastic.
"I do not really think you want me to check." He spares a quick glance around her room just to avoid looking at her for a moment, and he does not miss her abandoned vibrator on the floor. "But honestly, I am not really sure what you want."
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
if you call yourself save the whales, every once in awhile you have to save a whale
All demands through Cassian of course since once his superior officer mentioned something about Jyn's father and Jyn went to hit him, she hasn't been allowed back in the precinct. Not that she wants to go back, she hates being there. She doesn't like police as a rule and so many of the cops in the city are dirty as hell.
(She knows Cassian isn't, so she has to assume Draven isn't as well, but it's a hard sell.)
Regardless, Jyn agrees to join Cassian at the gala ("Jyn, it was your idea!") but refuses to go with him. She will meet him there and she will be dressed appropriately, fuck you.
And she is. Hair carefully pinned up in a soft, delicate up do, barely there make-up, delicate earrings, perfect French manicure, Jyn looks like she belongs at this gala, especially in her refined dress, soft ruffles framing her face and low bare baring the expanse of her pale skin. The dress shows up toned muscles and her biceps, covering up everything she doesn't care about; the skirt is flowing enough to hide any weapons she may or may not have, giving her room to run if need be, even if she is wearing heels as well. Her lips purse as she glances at her phone, waiting for Cassian on the steps of the museum.
no subject
His suit is blue, because the chances of Jyn wearing black are Very High and he doesn't want to walk in looking like the Addams Family.
Good call, and not just for avoiding attention reasons. When he gets to the museum, he does a double take when he sees Jyn at the bottom of the stairs, mostly because he doesn't think he's ever seen her so dressed up and he isn't even sure it's her at first. For two seconds he just kind of stares at her, sighing before he bites back a smile and walks over, making his presence known with a little cough.
She looks so... pretty, and he's always found her attractive, but there's something about the sweep of her hair and the open expanse of her back in the dress that catches him already off guard. It's not like he hasn't seen her wholly naked already, but the way her dress frames her arms and back, highlighting her muscles, sure is alluring. "You beat me here."
no subject
She didn't want Bodhi to ask more questions than he was already asking, what with having him help pin her hair in place. He didn't drive her because he didn't need to know where she was going or with whom because he would probably assume it was a date and Jyn didn't want to get into how much this wasn't a date because her worst nightmare was going to be inside that museum and maybe also her father which is a nightmare in and of itself.
The two of them together might well be the end of her and Cassian will be able to witness her decent into madness first hand.
Aside from that, it's going to be a great night.
"You look handsome." At least she still can appreciate the finer things in life, namely Cassian in that suit. He's gorgeous all the time and she's seen him in loads of styles -- workout gear and casual jeans and work clothes and those god damn sweats -- but the suit is something else entirely. Another level.
no subject
He got a ride from a coworker, though he had them drop him off about two blocks away. It's not a secret that he is attending this gala, though Draven did try his best to keep it mostly under wraps.
He smiles at her little compliment. "Thank you," he says a little quietly, because even if he has and continues to use his looks to his advantage, it's more genuine coming from Jyn who's seen him in all manner of clothes. "I should have known you would come in all black, but you look beautiful."
Is he allowed to say that?? Too bad, it's out. He offers out his hand, because despite the air she's trying to give off, Cassian still gets the sense she's nervous - and he wouldn't blame her. He knows what's awaiting them. The least he can do is hold her hand the whole way.
no subject
It's hesitant because she is still hesitant with what they are. Some kind of nebulous friends with benefits but also more than friends?? She does take his hand, her own trembling a little, soaking up the warmth of his presence and the comfort she takes from it. She tries not to think about it. She is his date, or rather he is her date, she's supposed to look like she wants to be with him and that will be easy, but
ugh feelings.
"Black makes my skin look... whiter. Harder to see the scars." All her bruises are on her front and legs so the low back and bare arms only reveal past scars that have since faded as well to pale streaks and splotches.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
live for today, plan for tomorrow, party tonight, party tonight.
Jyn suspected he was planning one and confided in Cassian this conspiracy, and they watched the careful way he decorated their apartment. Cassian didn't mind so much, he loves Christmas, but Jyn wouldn't let the sneaking suspicion of a party go, and sure enough, he finds himself invited to a shindig on December 20th. He texted Jyn about it, but convinced her not to leave the house that night, at least not right away.
So that's where he's at now, slipping into Bodhi's apartment where the party is in full swing.
It's a party, but it's not very big. Their poker unit, a few of the paramedics they both work with, a couple strangers that are obviously just Bodhi's friends. There's music playing, chips and dip and drinks, lights blinking above doorways and windows. It's not bad. He doesn't like parties, but he likes Christmas, and he likes Jyn, who he easily finds skulking in the kitchen chowing down some pigs in a blanket.
"If I promise not to say Merry Christmas, will you share at least one of them with me?"
no subject
Yes, hello to you too, Cassian. A scowl seems permanently stuck on her expression, but some how, some way, Bodhi had managed to get Jyn into something other than workout clothes. Admittedly she is still wearing leggings, but instead of a tank top, she has a slouchy lavender sweater, sleeves pushed up to her elbows, half slipping off one pale shoulder, that Bodhi no doubt bought her for the holiday. The material is decadently soft and Jyn truly loves the feel of it, but she still hates the party.
The plate, for the record, stays clutched in her arms because he hasn't agreed yet.
This is the woman he likes.
He is a fool.
no subject
"I don't want the rest. I just want a few. Where do I have to fuck you to get three of them?"
He's not going to address, again, how much he does not want to fuck on Bodhi's desk because, again, Bodhi is his friend and he doesn't want to make poker night get weird.