Except Cassian is her friend. She likes talking to him, she likes hanging out with him, she likes spending time with him. He's nice and funny and smarter than anyone she's ever met. And he deserves better than Jyn, a criminal whose only family didn't want her.
"And you shouldn't be friends with a criminal, Cassian, it's going to get you in trouble." She looks up, expression sad. "Someone is going to figure it out and if they find out you know..."
Her immediate rebuttal has his face falling, because at the very least, he'd thought they'd become friends. But she looks so sad about it, and it compels him forward to sit on her bed, at the end near Jabba who doesn't even acknowledge him.
"I think that is a decision I can make for myself. What I do is a risk regardless of who I am friends with." He wants to reach out for her, but he doesn't know how to navigate this area. They've never really gotten this emotional before. "If you want to stop this, I will respect that, but I do not want to stop talking to you. I do not really have friends either, you know."
"I don't want to be the reason you get in trouble." She couldn't bear it, if all his successes were brought down because she's a fucking mess.
And now that he's closer he'll see that she lied to his face and is not uninjured. There is a bruise under her jaw, half hidden by the low light of her room and the hair that never seems to stay in her bun. Her knuckles are slightly swollen as well. Any other injuries are disguised by her clothes and the blankets piled in her lap.
Her mouth slants into a frown. "I don't want to need anyone, ever. Everyone bails on me."
He shakes his head. "You would not be the reason. Let me make that choice for myself. I choose to spend time with you, and that is my call."
He takes a closer look at her, catching sight of all the injuries she pretended she didn't have. Her wounds have become familiar to him, but something about seeing these right now concerns him more than usual.
His heart sort of sinks at her admission, and that's what causes him to reach gently for her hand. "It is not about needing me. It's -" Abruptly, he doesn't know how to describe what they're about. All he knows is it's important to him that she doesn't shut him out. "It's about whatever we want. Food. Movies. Ignoring Bodhi trying to pester us."
Somehow he feels like being lighter about that part will make it easier.
"Friends with benefits is a scam. Here I was expecting sex and dental and a 401k but it's just Bodhi badgering me."
She has been misled!
Her fingers curl around his as if by instinct and, well, she made a joke in return for his levity so clearly it's not a lost cause. "I know Bodhi just wants us to get married and live, somehow, in a house with a white picket fence like anyone can afford that in this economy and have fifteen little tan babies because that is what he wants but sometimes it's so exhausting not being... normal."
"Maybe he is working the long game and working up to the 401k."
The joke doesn't go badly and she accepts his hand. They never really talk about feelings, but Cassian finds he wants to help her work through it anyway. He's too afraid of what happens if he doesn't, that's scarier than the feelings themselves.
"I do not care what Bodhi wants. He is not you or me. None of that has ever sounded normal to me. I never had it, I never really wanted it, no matter how many times I felt like I should." A beat. "It is exhausting. But that is part of why I like spending time with you. Normalcy is just... whatever we decide. Normal is subjective."
She wants to be normal, she wishes she was normal, but maybe this clusterfuck is her normal. A depressing thought but maybe she can deal with it if she is being subjectively normal with Cassian, too. Even thought Cassian has successfully lightened the mood, Jyn knows she is going to ruin it for herself when she reaches over to pluck an thick envelope off her nightstand.
It's thick dark grey paper, her name written across the front in delicate silver script. MISS JYN ERSO, care of MR BODHI ROOK. Inside is an invitation for a gala hosted by the Imperial science division at the city's opulent library. Jyn doesn't know what it is benefiting, she hadn't looked any further down the invitation.
"Your boss was looking for a way to get to Orson Krennic, wasn't he?"
She doesn't believe him, if her flat, almost dismissive agreement is anything to go by. It doesn't quell any of his concern about her pulling away, but he's distracted when she shoves the invitation at him.
He takes it, frowning at the information as he reads more of it than she did; he doesn't care very much about what it says on the upfront, as Cassian has no doubt this benefit is for something else entirely. He looks back to her, where she seems so utterly disinterested, and it's on the tip of his tongue to say no, that he doesn't have to go to this and thus drag her along too. He doesn't want to put her through it. That's not why he's here.
But she's offering. And it's a chance to really do something about Orson Krennic.
"This could help lead to take him down for real. If I get something out of it..."
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ohnofeelstho2017-06-22 01:24 am
no subject
Except Cassian is her friend. She likes talking to him, she likes hanging out with him, she likes spending time with him. He's nice and funny and smarter than anyone she's ever met. And he deserves better than Jyn, a criminal whose only family didn't want her.
"And you shouldn't be friends with a criminal, Cassian, it's going to get you in trouble." She looks up, expression sad. "Someone is going to figure it out and if they find out you know..."
no subject
"I think that is a decision I can make for myself. What I do is a risk regardless of who I am friends with." He wants to reach out for her, but he doesn't know how to navigate this area. They've never really gotten this emotional before. "If you want to stop this, I will respect that, but I do not want to stop talking to you. I do not really have friends either, you know."
no subject
And now that he's closer he'll see that she lied to his face and is not uninjured. There is a bruise under her jaw, half hidden by the low light of her room and the hair that never seems to stay in her bun. Her knuckles are slightly swollen as well. Any other injuries are disguised by her clothes and the blankets piled in her lap.
Her mouth slants into a frown. "I don't want to need anyone, ever. Everyone bails on me."
no subject
He takes a closer look at her, catching sight of all the injuries she pretended she didn't have. Her wounds have become familiar to him, but something about seeing these right now concerns him more than usual.
His heart sort of sinks at her admission, and that's what causes him to reach gently for her hand. "It is not about needing me. It's -" Abruptly, he doesn't know how to describe what they're about. All he knows is it's important to him that she doesn't shut him out. "It's about whatever we want. Food. Movies. Ignoring Bodhi trying to pester us."
Somehow he feels like being lighter about that part will make it easier.
no subject
She has been misled!
Her fingers curl around his as if by instinct and, well, she made a joke in return for his levity so clearly it's not a lost cause. "I know Bodhi just wants us to get married and live, somehow, in a house with a white picket fence like anyone can afford that in this economy and have fifteen little tan babies because that is what he wants but sometimes it's so exhausting not being... normal."
no subject
The joke doesn't go badly and she accepts his hand. They never really talk about feelings, but Cassian finds he wants to help her work through it anyway. He's too afraid of what happens if he doesn't, that's scarier than the feelings themselves.
"I do not care what Bodhi wants. He is not you or me. None of that has ever sounded normal to me. I never had it, I never really wanted it, no matter how many times I felt like I should." A beat. "It is exhausting. But that is part of why I like spending time with you. Normalcy is just... whatever we decide. Normal is subjective."
no subject
She wants to be normal, she wishes she was normal, but maybe this clusterfuck is her normal. A depressing thought but maybe she can deal with it if she is being subjectively normal with Cassian, too. Even thought Cassian has successfully lightened the mood, Jyn knows she is going to ruin it for herself when she reaches over to pluck an thick envelope off her nightstand.
It's thick dark grey paper, her name written across the front in delicate silver script. MISS JYN ERSO, care of MR BODHI ROOK. Inside is an invitation for a gala hosted by the Imperial science division at the city's opulent library. Jyn doesn't know what it is benefiting, she hadn't looked any further down the invitation.
"Your boss was looking for a way to get to Orson Krennic, wasn't he?"
Voila.
no subject
He takes it, frowning at the information as he reads more of it than she did; he doesn't care very much about what it says on the upfront, as Cassian has no doubt this benefit is for something else entirely. He looks back to her, where she seems so utterly disinterested, and it's on the tip of his tongue to say no, that he doesn't have to go to this and thus drag her along too. He doesn't want to put her through it. That's not why he's here.
But she's offering. And it's a chance to really do something about Orson Krennic.
"This could help lead to take him down for real. If I get something out of it..."