it's piles and piles of emotional homework forever if you ever want to qualify as a grown-up

[realists]

Comments

loving someone was traumatizing. you never knew what would happen to them out there in the world

[realists]

If Jyn had her way, no one would have ever called Cassian. But as she was currently unconscious, she didn't have much of an opinion and she was the one that never thought to put a new ICE contact in her phone and note some other emergency contact to carry around specifically so no one would call Cassian.

It simply hadn't come up since they'd split up because she was too scared to move forward and she had no reason to think it would. They'd broken up, the whole world would clearly know that Jyn got frightened of the idea of being committed to someone else, depending on someone else, trusting him not to leave her the way everyone else in her life had left her, and ran from the one person in her entire life who had always come back for her, looked after her, the one person that stayed.

And she threw it away because she was afraid.

It hurt her so completely that surely the rest of the world had to feel the same hurt and simply know that Cassian was now off limits.

She didn't intend to wind up in the ER for an emergency surgery, but here she is, having her spleen removed and there is the nurse calling Cassian fucking Andor to tell him that she'd been in a car accident in her death trap of a car and she's in surgery and he should come down because he is still her emergency contact.

He's made to wait while the surgeons attend to her, updated by a kind doctor who assumes that Cassian was the correct person to call -- he'd rushed to the hospital, after all -- until she is brought back to a room and Cassian is allowed back to see her by another kind nurse who touches his arm with a reassuring smile as he ushers Cassian into Jyn's room. She looks frail under the blankets pulled up to her chin, pale and all scraped up, hooked up to more than one softly beeping monitor.

"She'll be awake soon. They brought her out of the anesthesia already but most people are groggy, they drift in and out. There's a call button on the side of the bed if you need anything." Another look of assurance and Cassian is left alone with his possibly sleeping ex-girlfriend who still uses him as her emergency contact.

i want a world where everything lights up because i'm in it

[realists]

It's been six days since accidentally becoming trapped in Cassian's apartment and eight days since she actually arrived. More than a week together and they haven't killed each other, despite not being able to leave the house -- admittedly Cassian has left the house to get groceries but Jyn's stupid immune system means she is trapped at (his) home, sitting on the fire escape dreaming about when freedom of movement will come back from the war.

Today, while Cassian was working from home and she was slowly losing her mind from boredom, she has tidied up. Her own space is still a little messy, clothes under the bed and the like, but the dishes are done, she put her toothbrush back in her room and made sure there was no hair in the shower drain and then while she was there she cleaned the shower and put all of Cassian's toiletries in the order she knows he likes. She had discovered long ago that it was the order in which he uses them, which is cute. And then, while she was there, she cleaned the toilet and the sink and made sure there was extra toilet paper at the ready. Then she'd moved on the kitchen and the living room and the tiny closet that counted as his laundry room, fetching her clean clothes and folding his neatly in the basket. To be so bored she has resorted to cleaning is a new low for her.

Zapata watches her with what can only be described as a dubious expression, even as her tail wags cheerfully at being noticed. "What? What else am I supposed to do, watch 24 hours of Law & Order SVU? I'm not that pathetic."

She's getting close.

Instead she cleans out the bloody fridge, which is when she finds the mix and match six pack of hard seltzer that must have been in there since before they broke up. Zapata looks at her now with suspicion.

"What! I can drink." Can she though? She glances at the clock, Cassian will be done with work in a half hour (or more), she'll put everything back, clean, and then reward herself with a drink. Or maybe all of them, test out that liver function. Once the fridge is spotless and the clock on the stove turns to five o'clock, Jyn cracks open the first drink. It's science!