"I had orders!" He isn't quite shouting back, but his tone matches hers for that anger anyway. "Orders I ignored!"
He knew a lot of things going into this mission, but none of it was enough to really understand this moment. He can't even blame her for being upset, she's just lost two of her fathers in too short a time, he can see the grief blinding her, but he isn't going to let her take this out on him.
Cassian is fuming and frustrated and he's going to burst, but it's the sound on the ship around them that sets him off. If she keeps her hold on him, she's going to freeze and wreck the ship from the inside out.
His hands light up with flames, licking faintly up his arms. "But you would not know a thing about what that means."
Jyn releases him immediately, without even realizing. The part of her brain that has always taken after her mother immediately has a thousand questions -- why aren't the flames singing his jacket? does he need a spark to create the flames or can he pull it from the oxygen itself? -- but it's so small and battered by all the other hurt and damaged emotions warring for importance.
She settles on no emotions, indifference washing over her like a familiar blanket. He doesn't know shit about what orders she did or did not ignore from Saw, the way he looked at her with disappointment when she refused to shoot anyone on her first mission.
Her voice quiets, but does not soften, as sharp and jagged as ice. "You'd better hope the Empire falls and the history books can be written in your favor."
If his lapse was good for anything, at least the ship is no longer in danger of being ripped in two. He personally just feels that way.
The indifference slides onto her face just as his own snaps, expression nearly snarling as he moves into her space of his own volition this time. His fingers are still faintly alight, almost like a candle.
"You don't get to do that. You do not get to write off every single thing I have done since I was six as something to be turned into more propaganda. I lost everything. You are not the only one here who has."
"No, you're right." It's like his burst of anger brought some semblance of calm to her, the ability to rationalize again. Bodhi and Baze and Chirrut lost their entire city and she can feel that like a physical presence looming behind her, a reminder that the weapon they're seeking to destroy was only powered by her father's desire to protect her.
It's on her shoulders, Jedha City, all those people that died. Saw, the little girl, an entire city dead because her father was desperate to keep his daughter out of the grip of the Empire.
She knows she has no room to talk, but it doesn't stop her. Cassian will fight back and maybe she wants his fury directed at her. She certainly deserves it.
"I'm not the only one. But I'm the only one that lost everything because of you."
She's gotten into a calmer anger while his feels like it's growing, warming up from kindling to a bonfire.
The fire flickers to life again at his fingertips, spreading quickly up his arms in a burst of near blue. It's hot enough that she can feel the heat of it from how close they're standing, even if it doesn't come close enough to catching her. She might have broken his control keeping it down, but he refuses to let her draw out anything further.
It's on purpose. She is trying to set him off with the comment, he knows this and yet he reacts anyway, already bristling and on edge.
"Don't you dare blame me for that. Your father, as far as anyone knew, was an Imperial scientist working to destroy the galaxy." Even though he isn't shouting, his tone has become as hot as his literal arms. "You don't get to put that on me when I have given my entire life to fighting the Empire, the people who took everything from me. I am not responsible for your losses."
"My father gave us the only way to destroy the Death Star and you let him die," Jyn hisses out, feeling her temper rise again. She'd spent her whole life imagining her father as a traitor but damn if she would let anyone else say that about him.
It's more infuriating that she still feels drawn to Cassian, how easy it was for him to cut through the fog to spurn her into action not once, but twice. He is everything she despises, the only part of the Alliance near enough to take out her anger on, but it feels... hollow.
Hurting him isn't going to bring her Papa back. It won't bring back Saw or her Mama or the entire life she lost to war. It will only hurt him and how does that make her any better than what they are fighting? It is a logic she understands, but she can't quite put into action, not yet.
Her fingers stretch out again and his blaster flies across the ship, narrowly missing him before it flies right into her hand. Without moving, the blaster cracks entirely in half, broken, and she drops the pieces at his feet.
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ohnofeelstho2019-01-15 08:50 pm
no subject
He knew a lot of things going into this mission, but none of it was enough to really understand this moment. He can't even blame her for being upset, she's just lost two of her fathers in too short a time, he can see the grief blinding her, but he isn't going to let her take this out on him.
Cassian is fuming and frustrated and he's going to burst, but it's the sound on the ship around them that sets him off. If she keeps her hold on him, she's going to freeze and wreck the ship from the inside out.
His hands light up with flames, licking faintly up his arms. "But you would not know a thing about what that means."
no subject
She settles on no emotions, indifference washing over her like a familiar blanket. He doesn't know shit about what orders she did or did not ignore from Saw, the way he looked at her with disappointment when she refused to shoot anyone on her first mission.
Her voice quiets, but does not soften, as sharp and jagged as ice. "You'd better hope the Empire falls and the history books can be written in your favor."
no subject
The indifference slides onto her face just as his own snaps, expression nearly snarling as he moves into her space of his own volition this time. His fingers are still faintly alight, almost like a candle.
"You don't get to do that. You do not get to write off every single thing I have done since I was six as something to be turned into more propaganda. I lost everything. You are not the only one here who has."
no subject
It's on her shoulders, Jedha City, all those people that died. Saw, the little girl, an entire city dead because her father was desperate to keep his daughter out of the grip of the Empire.
She knows she has no room to talk, but it doesn't stop her. Cassian will fight back and maybe she wants his fury directed at her. She certainly deserves it.
"I'm not the only one. But I'm the only one that lost everything because of you."
no subject
The fire flickers to life again at his fingertips, spreading quickly up his arms in a burst of near blue. It's hot enough that she can feel the heat of it from how close they're standing, even if it doesn't come close enough to catching her. She might have broken his control keeping it down, but he refuses to let her draw out anything further.
It's on purpose. She is trying to set him off with the comment, he knows this and yet he reacts anyway, already bristling and on edge.
"Don't you dare blame me for that. Your father, as far as anyone knew, was an Imperial scientist working to destroy the galaxy." Even though he isn't shouting, his tone has become as hot as his literal arms. "You don't get to put that on me when I have given my entire life to fighting the Empire, the people who took everything from me. I am not responsible for your losses."
no subject
It's more infuriating that she still feels drawn to Cassian, how easy it was for him to cut through the fog to spurn her into action not once, but twice. He is everything she despises, the only part of the Alliance near enough to take out her anger on, but it feels... hollow.
Hurting him isn't going to bring her Papa back. It won't bring back Saw or her Mama or the entire life she lost to war. It will only hurt him and how does that make her any better than what they are fighting? It is a logic she understands, but she can't quite put into action, not yet.
Her fingers stretch out again and his blaster flies across the ship, narrowly missing him before it flies right into her hand. Without moving, the blaster cracks entirely in half, broken, and she drops the pieces at his feet.
"Tell yourself whatever you want."